“I didn’t say you had to tell me all your secrets and marry me, but I would like to know something about you. Can’t friends talk?” His eyes widen when I say friends. Was wanting to be his friend crossing the line? I want him to open up to me, I want to know everything about him, honestly. He stands there searching my face, I feel like I’m naked when he stares at me with those hungry eyes.
“I was a hang-around at the club for a few years. When your father saw I wasn’t going anywhere he made me a prospect. I was a prospect for about a year or so when we were making a run and were ambushed by a rival club. We were outnumbered and they were armed to the teeth. We were shooting back sporadically to conserve ammo, but couldn’t get a break. I finally got up from behind my bike and just started shooting at everything. I hit one of their guys and they took off. It was too late for Smokey, our Sargent-At-Arms. The guy I shot later died, too, from what I hear.” Shadow closes his eyes and lowers his head. He balls his fists next to his side and shakes his head. He is breathtaking, even in turmoil. “Your dad said I showed loyalty and bravery, that it would be an honor to call me his brother. He patched me in as the new Sargent-At-Arms.” He lifts his head and stares at me with those gorgeous blue eyes.
I want to hug him for what happened to them, but I know he is not looking for sympathy. In fact, I’m sure just telling me something that personal is probably hard for him. I really just figured he would tell me his favorite color, or to screw off. Truthfully, he is as broken as I am, we are both damaged. I reach my hand out to grab his, to offer him some kind of peace. He looks down at our hands embraced, his hand much bigger than mine. The fire that was there when our hands touched earlier, starts to ignite again. He pulls his hand away roughly, and shakes his head. What is he shaking his head at? Me, himself, or us?
“Dani, don’t read anything into this, there’s nothing between us. Being together is a hell we can't afford to explore.” He presses his hand on the small of my back to guide me toward his bike. “Come on, let’s get you back to the club.” His hand on my back shoots waves of ecstasy through my veins. I want him to bend me over his bike and have his way with me; who cares if I'm just a notch on his belt anymore.
I sigh internally. My body, soul, and mind are so confused. I can't deny the way Shadow affects me, but he is right. Anything between us would lead to an even bigger hell than we both already live. My father would kill him, and my mother would kill me, or throw me out on the streets with nothing like she has threatened to my whole life. Our lives as we know them would forever change if we became anything more than friends. I feel alive while I am with Shadow, so high on adrenaline I throw caution to the wind. We are dangerous around each other. Maybe just eye-fucking from across the room would be in our best interest. But being alone in a bedroom, having hell and heaven in the same room, would be monumental.
The ride back from the beach is awkward; Shadow is tense the whole time compared to how relaxed he was on the ride there. He keeps his hands on the handle bars and not on my thigh. I can tell he is not happy he told me something personal. I wish I hadn’t pushed him to share.
We pull up to the clubhouse and I see my mother outside. To say she has a scowl on her face is an understatement. I climb off the bike and she instantly starts yelling at me regardless of the many people around. Apparently the after party has started.
“Where the hell have you been? Why are you on that bike with the likes of him?” She slurs. I raise an eyebrow. I don’t think I have ever seen my mother drunk before.
She grabs my arm as I try to walk past her. “You answer me right now,” she yells, gathering more attention from everyone.
I yank my arm away from her and glare in her direction; she stumbles backwards from the force of my tugging. How dare she ask where I was? And why I was on the back of his bike is even less of her business. Screw her and her lies. I am no longer going to follow her every wish and command. It’s time to start thinking for myself; living my own life. As I continue past her, she starts screaming at Shadow to stay away from me. I'm sure he won’t argue with that.
The clubhouse is crowded with people. I smell cheap perfume mixed with alcohol and cigarette smoke. There's a funny smell that I assume is marijuana. The lights are low so it's hard for me to recognize anyone as I push my way through the main room. Twisted Sister's “We're Not Gonna Take It” is blaring from the stereo system and I think how fitting that song is for what I'm feeling at this exact moment. I'm not gonna take my mother's shit anymore. It'll be hard for her to throw me out now that Bull and I have gotten close. That should piss her off.