Her annoyance dissolved into confusion. “What?”
Nate fiddled with a loose thread on the bedspread. “You told my mom you were thinking of staying in Paradise instead of going to college. I couldn’t let you throw your future away.”
“What?”
“You hated it here,” he burst out. “I knew from the start that I wanted to live here, to help my dad run the pub and live a quiet, uncomplicated life. But you wanted bigger things. You deserved bigger things.” He swallowed. “When my mother told me what you said, I knew exactly why you’d said it. You were going to stay for me, weren’t you, Charlotte?”
With wide eyes, she nodded.
“Well, that wouldn’t have been fair to you. You were born to sing, baby, and not in a church choir in front of people who were too stupid to appreciate you. So I lied.”
“You lied,” she echoed dully.
He nodded.
“About everything?” She bit her lush bottom lip. “You lied about being bored with me? About not liking the…the sex?”
“Every word I said was a lie.” His throat tightened. “Making love to you that first time was the best experience of my life. Fuck, I loved you.” His next words slipped out before he could derail them. “I’m not sure I ever stopped loving you.”
Her mouth fell open. She went silent for so long, he wondered if she’d fallen asleep with her eyes open or something. A part of him couldn’t believe she’d actually bought the lies, but he had been pretty damn convincing. He’d chased the love of his life away so she could accomplish her goals, but from the shocked and slightly annoyed expression on her face, he got the feeling she didn’t appreciate the gesture.
“So let me get this straight,” she finally said. “Your mother told you what I said, and so you just went ahead and made a decision about our future—without having the decency to talk to me about it first?”
He gulped. Shit, when she phrased it like that, it sounded bad. Not as bad as, say, sleeping with her and then dumping her, but bad just the same.
“I made a mistake,” he admitted.
“No kidding.” She shook her head in disbelief. “What about the sex? Why on earth would you sleep with me for the first time when you planned on breaking up with me?”
“I…I lost control.” Frustration boiled in his gut. “God, Charlotte, it wasn’t like I had some kind of master plan. I honestly didn’t expect things to go as far as they did. I just wanted to kiss you goodbye, but then…then we were on that blanket, and I couldn’t help myself.”
She scowled at him, causing him to raise his hands in surrender. “I know, that’s no excuse,” he said with a sigh. “I was young and stupid, okay? And I really thought I was doing the right thing by letting you go. I just kept thinking about that dumb saying—if you love someone, let them go.”
“But you didn’t even give me a choice!” She looked so annoyed he experienced a burst of shame. “Yeah, I was thinking of staying, but if you’d told me back then everything you just said now, maybe I would have still left. Maybe we could have worked out another solution, done the long-distance thing.”
“Or maybe you would have ruined your life, for me,” he countered.
“For love,” she corrected.
“You would have been miserable if you stayed here.” He found the courage to stroke one of her bare knees, and to his surprise, she didn’t shove his hand away. “Your name needed to be on all those albums in my living room. Your music needed to be on people’s CD players and iPods. You know that, Charlie.”
“Maybe, but I also needed to be with you.”
His heart squeezed. “You’re with me now,” he pointed out. Then he slid closer and cupped her chin with his hands. “I’m so sorry, Charlotte. I was young and I made a huge mistake. I’m willing to own up to that. But I just want you to know that I’ve grown up. I realize now how badly I handled the situation. For the past fifteen years, I’ve been so damn miserable, wondering if you’d ever be able to forgive me for what I did.”
“You were miserable?” she echoed.
He nodded, wanting so badly to tell her about how many relationships he’d screwed up, but he didn’t feel comfortable bringing other women into this private moment between them. It was true, though. He’d dated after Charlotte left, but never truly opened himself up to anyone. Until Evelyn—but that was an angering memory he didn’t want to dwell on right now.
“I was miserable too,” she confessed. “Every man I was with…I always ended up comparing him to you.”
Lord, he knew the feeling. “I guess it’s pretty obvious then that we never really got over each other.”
“Get over you?” She sighed. “I don’t think I can ever get over you.”
His heart soared. “Does…does that mean you forgive me?”