His eyes glazed over. "Oh God."
He reared up over me, so that all I saw was a blur of hard-packed shoulders. His whole body was racked by the force of each entry, as if he were a ship battered up against rocks. I feared for him then, maybe more than myself. It was almost inhuman, the rage with which he fucked me, the tempest of his lust, and yet wholly vulnerable. Fierce and thick and uncontrollable—neither of us were master now.
My pain became his, twisting his face into a mask of helpless agony. Every jolt of my inner muscles, every slap of flesh against flesh was reflected in his eyes. He stared at me, some of the intensity slipping, reflecting back fear. What was he afraid of?
Tears streamed down my face. Didn't he like it? Wasn't this what he wanted?
"It's okay," I whispered.
He spoke with grunts. "Shut up."
"Let it happen." The words were a mockery, but they were the truth.
He barely paused in his wild thrusts, as he reached up to slap my face. I blinked against the sting. My head jerked against the pillow, and he held it there, stretching away from my body as if he could separate it, as if he could split my mind from my body, and God, if he could have, it would have been a mercy. I didn't want to think or feel—but I did. It was inevitable, and I knew what he needed with the bone-deep certainty. There were so few things we knew for sure, and mercy was one of them.
Shutting my eyes against the dark, I whispered, "I forgive you."
His body stuttered, halted suddenly in a harsh and rigid climax. He jerked my head back and mashed his lips against mine, sucking and biting at me with a violence that triggered my own orgasm. I came with long inner pulls of his twitching cock and a quiet cry that tumbled onto his tongue.
As our bodies softened and cooled in the aftermath, he stared at me, almost bewildered.
A slow blink brought awareness and a glimmer of wonder. His mouth curved in a sleek, satisfied smile.
He bent his head and licked my bottom lip. "I liked that very much."
For reasons I couldn't analyze, his words made my sex clench around his softened cock.
He chuckled and rolled to the side.
With leisurely movements, he untied me. I rubbed my wrists for a moment, unsure about what to do. I could make a run for it. There would never be a better chance than right now. But it felt overly dramatic. I had my things on the bathroom counter and a fifty dollar deposit at the front desk. It hadn't hurt. It was only casual sex. In fact, it was the best sex I'd ever had. The only consensual sex, if I could call it that.
Leaning over, I pulled the condom off, using my hand to keep it from spilling. He jerked in my hand then grunted.
"What are you doing?" he muttered.
I cocked my head. "Cleaning you. Isn't that...? I thought... "
He sent me a lazy grin. "Let me guess. Boyfriend number two."
“He wasn’t my boyfriend.”
"Well he sounds like one hell of a bastard, but it seems I owe him one." He gestured to himself. "Get to it then."
I turned back to my task, licking up the salty juices from his softening cock, his balls, working my tongue down into the taint as I had been taught to. It had tasted copper with my blood then. It was the way between a man and a woman, he'd said, and I had never questioned the practice until now. Still, it seemed to satisfy this man too. He let out a small sigh as I ran my tongue from the tip of his cock to the base.
When I had cleaned him, he pushed my head gently down against his stomach. His abs were hard and lightly-furred—an unconventional pillow. Exhausted from the fear and the struggle, sated from climax, I slipped into a dark sleep.
I dreamed of my mother. Her face was distorted and twisted.
She sneered at me. "Not so proud now, are you?"
"I didn't want to do it," I sobbed. "He made me."
"You left just so you could fuck guys like him."
"No, no." I pleaded for her to understand, for her to absolve me. "I didn't know."
"With that face and that body?" she scoffed. "You knew what would happen, and you wanted it."
"Why didn't you stop me?"
"I did, girl. I told you not to go...not to go..."
I woke up with a cock in my mouth. I gasped, struggling to breathe. It took me a few minutes and several thrusts to get oriented. My hands were tied behind my back, arching my body up as I lay on top of them. He straddled my neck, thrusting mercilessly into my mouth. He didn't seem to notice that I was awake now, or care that I had been asleep before. He simply used me, and something subversive sent warmth to…to my cunt. That was what he called it. But there was nothing but cool air between my legs as he sawed his cock against my tongue.