Everyone will remember the chanting from the Hed fans’ standing area: “Queers! Sluts! Rapists!” A lot of people will believe that that whole part of the stand was chanting, because it felt like it, and from a distance it’s hard to differentiate among people. So everyone in the standing area will be criticized, even though by no means all of them were chanting, because we’ll want scapegoats, and it’ll be easy for anyone wanting to moralize to say that “culture isn’t just what we encourage but what we allow to happen.”
But when everyone is shouting, it can be hard to hear the opposition, and once an avalanche of hate has started to roll, it can be hard to tell who is responsible for stopping it.
So when a young woman in a red shirt bearing a picture of a bull on the front leaves her place in the standing area, no one notices at first. But the woman loves Hed Hockey as much as the people shouting, she’s supported the team all her life, this part of the rink belongs to her, too. Going to stand among the seated fans, the hot dog brigade she’s always mocked, is her silent protest.
A man in a green shirt sitting a short distance away sees her and stands up. He goes to the cafeteria, buys two paper cups of coffee, then walks down and gives one of them to her. They stand there next to each other, one red, one green, and drink in silence. A cup of coffee is no big thing. But sometimes it actually is.
Within a few minutes, more red shirts have walked out of the standing area. Soon the steps of the seated part of the rink are full. The chant of “Queers! Sluts! Rapists!” is still echoing loudly, but the people chanting are exposed now. So everyone can see that there aren’t as many of them as we think. There never are.
* * *
One of Hed Hockey’s players is named Filip. He’s the youngest on the team, but he’s on his way to becoming the best. This story isn’t about him; in fact, his involvement is so brief that we could easily have forgotten to mention him at all.
Just before the start of the third period, he leaves the ice. William Lyt and a few of the other players shout at him to stay, but Filip walks through the players’ tunnel, up the steps to the stands, and all the way over to the standing area. He’s still wearing his skates and clutching his stick. He marches straight up to the biggest, strongest, most tattooed Hed fan he can find, interrupts him in the middle of “QU—” grabs him by his top, and says, “If you shout that one more time, I’m not going to play.”
Filip is only seventeen years old, but anyone who knows anything about hockey can see how good he’s going to be. The Hed fan stares at him wildly, but Filip doesn’t back down. He points to the red-clad fans standing on the steps of the seated area and says, “If you shout that one more time, I’m going to stand over there for the rest of the game.”
* * *
He walks back to the ice, leaving a heavy silence behind him. Filip isn’t naive, the world hasn’t changed, he knows they’ll chant the same thing at other games. But not today. When he reaches the bench, someone yells, “Hed! Hed! Hed!”
“WIN! WIN! WIN!” the rest of the stand shouts.
* * *
That’s all they chant for the rest of the game. By the end the standing area is full again, singing loud enough to raise the roof.
* * *
Hockey is simple. It’s both the fairest and the most unfair sport in the world.
* * *
Beartown scores a goal. Then another. When they reduce the deficit to 4–3 and are just one goal behind with twenty seconds left on the clock, everyone already knows what’s going to happen. They can feel it in the air. This can only end one way. Like a fairy tale.
Benji gets the puck, rushes into the Hed zone, fakes a shot, and passes to Amat instead. All of Hed’s players think Benji’s going to take the shot himself, only one of the men in red knows that he isn’t that selfish.
* * *
William Lyt knows Benji.
* * *
Amat storms toward Hed’s net; his wrists feels supple, his balance is perfect when he fires the shot. It looks so simple, he should have been the hero, that would have been the perfect ending. But William has already read the situation. He throws himself down on the ice; the puck hits his helmet, then the post, before rebounding toward the boards. Filip retrieves the puck and lifts it out of the zone; it glides mockingly past the outstretched sticks of the Beartown players, and then it’s all over.
* * *
The final buzzer blares mercilessly. The red fans explode in a roar of delight, and William Lyt is buried under a heap of happy teammates. The green-clad players slump in despair, and in the stands people with bears on their chest sit numb with incomprehension.
* * *
Hed wins. Beartown loses.
* * *
Hockey is simple. Always fair. Always unfair.
41
If You Stand Tall
The Beartown Ice Hockey locker room is quiet. There are only two ways for losing teams to get changed: at once or not at all. Either it takes them five minutes to leave the rink, or it takes them several hours. This time no one can summon up the energy even to have a shower.
* * *
Peter Andersson walks in. He looks at them and knows exactly how they feel. He desperately wishes he had something inspirational to say, so he mutters, “Well, guys . . . that was a tough game. But you lost, and I want you to—”
One of the older players snorts and interrupts him: “With all due respect, Peter, don’t try telling us to ‘forget about it’ or some other tired cliché. If you haven’t got anything useful to say, it would be better if you did what you always do: keep quiet and go and hide in your office!”
It’s a direct challenge. They don’t respect him. Peter stands in the door with his hands in his pockets. At most times in his life he would have done as he’s been told: gone and hidden in his office. He would have told himself that he’s the general manager, not the coach, and that it’s not his job to be respected by the players. But today isn’t like those other days. So he clenches his fists in his pockets and blurts out, “Forget about it? Forget? Do you think I want you to forget this? I want you to remember this!”
He gets their astonished attention with that. He usually never so much as raises his voice, but now he points at each of the players, from the oldest all the way down to Benji, Bobo, Vidar, and Amat, and roars, “Today you’re losers. Today you almost made it. Remember exactly how this feels. So that you and I never have to feel like this again! Never!”
Perhaps he would have gone on to say more, but a monotonous banging sound is echoing through the walls of the arena, and everyone in the locker room looks up. At first it sounds like a drum, then like someone kicking a door, but soon it grows to a roar and only Peter knows where it’s coming from. He’s heard it before, but that was twenty years ago, during a magical season when an entire town lived and died with the victories and losses of a hockey team. Back then Peter heard that sound in every rink.
“Go back out onto the ice,” he tells the team.
They obey. Peter doesn’t go with them; he knows he’s not welcome.
* * *
The Beartown Ice Hockey players go back onto the ice. Almost all the stands are empty now, and the lights have been switched off. But at one end of the rink a group of men in black jackets are still standing, refusing to be quiet. They’re jumping up and down, their feet drumming on the wood beneath them. There aren’t even a hundred of them, but they’re singing like ten thousand. “We’ll stand tall if you stand tall! We’ll stand tall if you stand tall! We’ll stand tall if you stand tall!” they chant over and over again.
To let everyone know that they’re still there. To remind them what the club means. That it’s a privilege, not a right.
In the end the whole of the Beartown A-team is standing on the ice joining in. “WE’LL STAND TALL IF YOU STAND TALL! WE’LL STAND TALL IF YOU STAND TALL!” The rest of the rink is deserted and dark, but no one else would have been welcome anyway. This is between the team and their closest supporters: family.
* * *
Peter stands alone in the locker room with his hands in his pockets. Then he leaves the rink and walks the whole way home to Beartown through the forest, taking deep breaths of the winter that’s on its way and feeling more of a loser than ever. Everything is slipping away from him: his children, his marriage, his club.
* * *