Chapter 13 – Greg
I have to stop at the door of Melissa’s room before entering when I hear Cohen’s words to Maddox. It never fails to amaze me just how perfect my son is. I can’t imagine how he is feeling through all of this. Not only with Melissa’s situation, but with having to stay with Izzy and Axel, sometimes with Chelcie, for the last two weeks. He hasn’t complained, not one damn word, but deep down I know he’s scared. Hell, I’m scared out of my fucking mind. If I could keep him here with me every second I would, but between Melissa and the girls, I’m stretched thin. There are two floors between us, but it feels like an ocean.
This morning I got the best news I have received since this nightmare began. The swelling on Melissa’s brain is completely gone. The doctors keep telling me that we’re in the home stretch. All her scans look great, her vitals are getting stronger and stronger daily, and her other injuries are healing well. Now we’re just waiting for her to wake up.
I miss her more than I ever thought was possible. I’ve only left her side to go see the girls. It’s like having my chest split open each and every time I have to leave Melissa to go to the girls, and it’s just as bad when I leave the girls to come back to Melissa. She wouldn’t want them up there alone, and as much as I want to stand by her bedside and guard her sleeping body, I know where I’m needed the most right now.
My girls need me, but I know they need their mother more.
Lillian is such a champ; she definitely takes after Melissa with her fighter’s spirit. She’s been the one I know, in my gut, I don’t have to be concerned about. Even in this short time, I can see little differences in her. She doesn’t look as tiny and breakable as she first did. Don’t get me wrong though. She’s still so little I’m afraid to breathe around her, but she’s a born fighter.
Lyndsie, on the other hand, worries me. I can feel her pain, her struggles, and I crave the ability to take them from her, to heal her. Like her sister, her lungs aren’t developed. A few days after she was born, she had to be placed on a CPAP machine because one of her little lungs collapsed. I didn’t sleep one wink that night. She’s been able to come off of it now, but that still doesn’t stop my fears of something else going wrong. Luckily, she seems to be turning a corner. Our most recent struggle is her reflux and her inability to gain weight. This morning I had more good news from the doctors when they said that Lyndsie hadn’t had any episodes, and kept all her feedings down.
Thank Christ.
I do what I can. I stay strong when all I want to do is break down. I visit all three of my girls. I hold Melissa’s hand while I sing and talk to her. I reach through the girls’ incubators and run my finger across their silky skin, avoiding all the wires, singing softly to them and telling them how much we love them.
“Hey.”
I look up from where I was staring at my feet, and meet Maddox’s hard but sad eyes. He’s never been one to show his emotions, but he would have to be completely heartless to be unaffected by this whole situation.
“Hey,” I breathe.
“How are you feeling? And don’t give me any shit, Greg. There isn’t any way in hell that you’re this calm on the inside.” He props up against the wall next to Melissa’s door and just waits.
I could ignore him like I’ve ignored everyone else but Cohen.
“I’m falling apart, brother. I’ve had to keep my shit locked so tight I feel like someone locked me in a cage and threw away the key. Part of me wants to let loose, uncage the beast I can feel pacing inside me. I want to run through the halls, demanding answers and quick fixes. Goddamn, I just want my girls better and all of this to just be one big nightmare.”
He doesn’t say much for the longest time. He just presses his lips into a thin line. If it weren’t for the rapid drumming of the veins in his neck, I would think he’s the picture of calm and collected. But I know better. I know how much it costs him to just be inside a hospital.
“You remember how it was after I got hurt? You can’t rush these things, Greg. And as much as I wish you could… Well, she’ll wake up when her body is ready. Doctors are telling you her brain is ready, scans are showing she’s ready, but mentally she’s locking herself up tight until she is ready. I don’t talk about what it was like for me all those months in the hospital after the attack. You know because you were on my team, but the only reason I pulled through was because I thought I had a reason to wake up. Keep talking to her and remind her why she needs to come back.”