“Your fear is torture.” His hand smoothed down my back. “Will you tell me, is it me? The thought of losing this place? I can’t fix what I don’t know,” he said, pulling back to study me.
“All of it and more,” I said honestly. “If you think my fear is torture, the things you feel when you look at me...I’m struggling with my own feelings, I can’t deal with yours, too. Everything is more confusing now than it was before. I don’t know what to do. What’s safe? Will you keep your word and leave me be? When the other’s return, will they agree with the Claim I unintentionally made?” Will you discover my secrets?
“I can’t help what I feel for you, and I won’t apologize for it,” he said softly. “My hope is that someday you’ll feel the same for me. Until that happens, I’ll wait. I’d like to continue sleeping in your room beside you, but nothing more. Will you allow me that much?”
I wanted to say no. I wanted to tell him to leave. But since he’d pulled away from me, I felt empty and abandoned. I didn’t understand why or if those were even my own emotions. All I knew was that having him near made me feel safer and not so alone.
“Yes, you can sleep by me.”
He smiled, reached out to touch my cheek, then flooded me with comfort. Before I could react, he left the room. I wasn’t sure how, but I knew he waited right out in the hallway. He wasn’t being impatient or aggressive. Just protective.
I changed into the light shirt and cotton shorts I’d been using for sleeping and then climbed into bed. I lay there tensely for a moment before I called him in.
My stomach churned nervously as he entered. He didn’t look at me as he walked to the dresser and blew out the lamp. I blinked in the sudden darkness, unable to see him. The mattress dipped as he sat, and my heart stuttered. His fingers touched my hair.
“So much fear because of so little trust.”
I stared in the direction of his voice and saw his vague shape.
“Trust has to be earned,” I said softly. “If you recall, you bit me.”
“Only because you allowed it.”
I snorted. “As if I had a choice. I knew you wouldn’t leave it alone.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you, but I’m glad I didn’t leave it alone.” He eased down next to me. Lying on his side, he rested an arm over my middle. The weight felt comforting rather than confining.
“Go to sleep, Charlene.”
Despite my racing heart, I somehow managed.
I woke with a weight on my chest, and for a disoriented moment, I panicked. I pushed at the weight at the same time I struggled to kick off the covers.
“Shh. It’s all right,” Thomas said as the weight disappeared. I saw the vague outline of his head.
“What were you doing?” I asked, no longer trying to escape the covers.
He touched my hair and the weight settled back onto my chest.
“Listening to your heart.”
For a moment, I said nothing. Would I ever understand Thomas?
“Why?”
“Sometimes, when you dream, your pulse races; and it sounds so fragile. I don’t like it. I whisper to you until it calms.”
His admission caught me off guard. How often had he listened to my heart like this? “Don’t you sleep?”
“I do. Not very much, though.”
The idea that he stayed awake next to me should have been troubling. So why wasn’t I troubled? His fingers drifted from my hair to trace the curve of my jaw. I closed my eyes and tried to relax.
“Am I allowed to kiss you?”
“No.”
I could picture him grinning at my abrupt answer.
“Sleep well, Charlene.”
“Stop staring at me, and I will.”
His chest vibrated with his laughter. I couldn’t help grinning in return.
For the remainder of the night, I slept comfortably. When I woke, I had the vague recollection of wanting to roll over at some point but being unable to do so because of a weight on me. However, Thomas was already gone so I couldn’t ask him about it.
I dressed and went downstairs. Before I entered the main room, I smelled breakfast, and my stomach rumbled. Thomas stood before the stove, stirring something. Mary and Gregory were at the table, glumly eyeing their bowls of oatmeal.
As I walked past the table to see what was left on the stove, I heard Mary’s comment to Gregory.
“Tomorrow, you wake up first.”
“Good morning,” Thomas said, drawing my attention. I peeked over his shoulder and saw a pan with eggs and onions. It wasn’t much. Enough for two humans.
“Where did you find eggs?”
“I went to the marsh this morning,” he said scooping some egg onto a plate. “For you.” He handed me the plate.
I accepted it and turned away before I blushed. He’d gone to the marsh just for me. I couldn’t prevent my small smile as I sat next to Mary.
“What does everyone have planned for today?” I asked, taking my first bite. I didn’t miss how Mary’s gaze tracked my food.
Gregory looked at Thomas for an answer as Thomas sat across from me.