“We should take a break. I’ll be inside and you’ll be out here.”
The bedroom grows so quiet, I can’t help glancing in her direction. She’s frozen in place, a hand to her mouth, her eyes as wide as platters.
“I want you to enjoy your time at college. It’s supposed to be the best time of your life.” The words taste bitter, but I push them out. “If you meet someone, you shouldn’t be thinking of me.”
I stop then, because I can’t get the rest of the lies out. The ones where I’m supposed to say that I won’t be thinking of her. That she was just a convenience. That I don’t love her.
If I say those things, it’ll truly be over. There’d be no coming back from it. No way she’d forgive me.
Be a man, I tell myself. Let her go.
I take another deep breath and gather up some more courage. But before I can open my mouth, Ella flies into my lap and mashes her lips against mine. It’s not so much a kiss as it is a slap across my face. A scolding for everything I just said and every awful thing that sits in my throat.
And while I know I shouldn’t, my arms close around her waist and I hold her, letting her kiss me.
The tears fall, sliding between our lips. I swallow her tears, my words, our despair, and kiss her back until she’s crying too hard to keep kissing me. I press her face against my chest and feel the tears soak my shirt.
“I don’t want to hear that crap from you,” she whispers.
“All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t feel guilty about moving forward with your life,” I say gruffly.
She stabs her finger into my chest. “You don’t get to tell me how I feel. No one does. Not you. Not Steve. Not Callum.”
“I know. I’m just saying...” Hell, I don’t know what I’m saying. I don’t want her to date anyone else. I don’t want her to move on. I want her thinking about me the entire time I’m thinking about her.
But I also hate the idea of her being alone, wanting me and not being able to have me, all because I did something stupid.
“I’m trying to be a better person,” I finally say. “I’m trying to do right by you.”
“You decided what was right for yourself without asking me,” she says flatly.
I struggle to find the words to explain my position, but then her hands tangle with my belt buckle and all my good intentions fly out of my head.
“E-Ella…” I stammer. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” she taunts. Her hands deftly unzip my tuxedo trousers, sliding inside to hold me in her palm. “Don’t touch you?”
“No.” This time I’m the one backing away. My body throbs with need, but I’m not going to put my own selfish desires ahead of hers.
“Too bad. I’m touching you.” She grabs my wrist and holds it against her stomach. “And you’re touching me. Do you really want someone else to touch me like this? Are you really going to be okay with that?”
The images her words conjure in my head are terrible. The hand I have planted on her ass curls into a fist. “Don’t,” I choke out. “Don’t say that to me.”
“Why? You said it to me. I would never, ever be okay with you ‘moving on’ to another girl. That kind of betrayal would ruin us. Not you going away for five years. Not a raft full of Daniels or Jordans or Abbys or Brookes. You moving on, even for a day, for an hour, is what I’d hate.”
“I’m trying to do right by you,” I repeat. Dammit, every waking thought I have is about her these days.
“Right by me is not rejecting me. Right by me is not dictating how I’m supposed to feel. I love you, Reed. I don’t need to be told that I’m too young to know my own feelings. Maybe there is someone else out there that I might love, but I don’t care about that person. I love you. I want to be with you. I want to wait for you. What do you want?”
Her fierce declaration makes it impossible for me to stick to my guns. My own declaration bursts out of my mouth before I can stop it.
“You. Us. Forever.”
“Then don’t push me away. Don’t tell me how to feel, what to think, who to love. If you’re really taking this plea deal, then you can’t be too embarrassed to see me. You can’t stop writing me. You can’t turn away from my visits. This is our countdown. This is our wait. Every day brings us closer together. We either do this together or not at all.” Her blue eyes flash like molten sapphires. “So what’ll it be?”
Man up, is what she’s really telling me. Man up and act like a member of our team. The Ella and Reed team.
I grab her chin with my free hand and kiss her hard. “I’m all in, baby.”
Then I rip her expensive dress off her body and show her exactly how in I’m going to be. For the rest of our freaking lives.
33
Ella
On Saturday morning, Steve announces that we’re moving back to the penthouse. Today.
“Today?” I echo dumbly, setting down my glass of orange juice.