“I’m scared shitless, Della. I get what you’re saying, but what if it’s in my genes?” He shivered, and I wished that I could get inside of his head to pick out those painful memories that haunted him. “Like an alcoholic or something? I don’t want that kind of life for my son.”
“Nash, the fact that you’re so worried about that happening really just proves my point even more. You’re thinking about this way too much.” I stood up to walk around the table, and wrapped my arms around him from behind, giving him a light squeeze. “What’s brought this up all of a sudden?”
“I don’t know. I guess because the baby is coming soon and it’s freaking me out.”
“Well, that’s understandable. I think I would be freaking out, too. But I know you’ve got this. You will never be your dad, and if I even think for one second that you’re turning into him, don’t worry, I’ll be sure to bring you back to reality.”
He smiled weakly at me. “Thanks.”
“So, the kiss was….” I trailed off as he pursed his lips at me, scrubbing one hand over his weary eyes.
“I don’t know, Della. I’ve been sort of out of it, and then I started thinking about turning into my dad, taking care of little Nash and Mariah. It was overwhelming. Then somehow I ended up on your porch, and as soon as you stepped out of the car, I felt this calm wash over me. Like you would just make everything better.”
“And you thought attacking my mouth would help because….”
“Because you don’t make me feel so numb. Because you offer some sense of normalcy that I can’t find anywhere else right now. Everything around me is getting ready to change pretty quickly.” He paused and I swallowed thickly, letting his explanation absorb and wondering if things were going to be uncomfortable between us. “I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have happened. Can we please just forget that I had a lapse in judgment and acted like a complete asshole? I swear, it won’t happen again.”
“Sure, Nash,” I replied, giving him a tight smile and continuing to listen as he went on to tell me about Mariah’s latest doctor’s appointment. He told me how he saw the baby on the ultrasound, explaining how he looked like a tiny alien. I kept my comment to myself that the alien part was most likely courtesy of Mariah, not wanting to ruin Nash’s good mood. I could tell how excited he was about being a dad, and I knew he would be a good one.
No, Nash wasn’t perfect. He made mistakes just like the rest of us—kissing me had been a major one in my book. I just hoped that everything could go back to normal between us. As normal as they could get, I guess.
EVERY DAY THAT passed without my dad was one in which I realized just how much I missed him even more. It was weird how you didn’t see how much someone influenced your everyday life until they were gone. I couldn’t just pick up the phone to call him anymore and tell him about my day, to get advice about being a rookie on the force, or to hear his encouraging words.
It was damn depressing.
“You need to get out more,” Ty huffed, the veins in his neck popping as he pressed the barbell up and down.
I shook my head as I spotted him. “What makes you think that? I get out plenty.” It wasn’t as if I sat at home every night by myself. When I wasn’t working, which right now seemed like all the time, I went out with Nate or occasionally Mia.
Or I tried to spend some nights in with my mom. Jared and Jeremy tried to do the same thing so she wasn’t alone very often, but I could tell it was aggravating her. Apparently, she didn’t need her sons babysitting her, as she put it. I guess I could understand that, but we were all afraid that she was going to have a meltdown, and we wanted to be there for her. She seemed to be holding herself together pretty well, though.
“That’s not what I meant.” Ty sat up, wiping the sweat from his forehead, and I bent down to hand him his water bottle. He took a big gulp, setting the bottle on the floor before swinging his legs around. “I mean, you need to start dating again.”
“Not happening.” I shook my head back and forth as he stood up, and then I took his spot on the bench. “I’m done with girls.”
“See, your problem is that you were going after girls. Girls who were immature. You need a woman.” I couldn’t help but think that was a dig at Della and though it was somewhat true, I felt like punching Ty for implying it.
Sure, Della wasn’t exactly easy when it came to certain things, but she wasn’t immature. Ty had just seen her on a really off night, and was making his judgments from that alone. Whatever. Not like I cared what he thought about Della anyway. She wasn’t a part of my life anymore.
“Oh, really?” I smirked before picking up the barbell. “And do you know any women that could handle Justin Parker?”
Ty snorted loudly. “First of all, don’t talk about yourself in third person, it makes you sound like a jackass. Second, I do. Feel like going on a double date with me and the wife on Friday night?”