Jess’s lips slanted downward on one side and her eyes narrowed as they moved between mine. “So you’ve never been interested in anyone?”
“I’m interested in you.” The words slipped out, her fearless honesty encouraged my own.
“Hmm…”
“Hmm?”
“Yes. Hmm.”
“Why hmm?”
“Hmm because I feel like you’ve cheated yourself out of five years and the possibility of something great. You could have met someone, fallen in love, been loved in return. But it’s like you gave up before you even started.”
“I didn’t give up. I was biding my time.”
“For what? For who? Someone you felt suited?”
“No, not someone. For you.”
Jess’s expressive eyes widened, then she blinked. “You’ve been biding your time? For me?”
Maybe I had to work up to her level of brutal honesty, but eventually I got there. And now that I’d said the words, I sure as hell wasn’t taking them back.
“That’s right. There was no point in dating other people. No one else is you.”
Her face both fell and brightened at once, like my words made her sad and happy.
“Oh, Duane…” She sounded heartbroken and elated. “What am I going to do with you?”
Stay… I wasn’t going to say that. Asking her to stay would be taking her dreams away.
Instead I shrugged. “You could buy me pie.”
Jess stood from her stool and stepped between my legs, winding her arms around my neck. She pressed herself to me, giving me a tight hug and whispering into my ear, “You’re a siren who doesn’t sing.”
I chuckled, returning her embrace, and placed a quick kiss on her neck. I couldn’t quite swallow. My head was mixed up. What I wanted, knew, and needed didn’t align.
I wanted her to stay.
I knew she had to go.
I needed to remember every day was one day closer to the end, otherwise her leaving would be my destruction. Maybe I wasn’t being fair, encouraging her to lose control while I refused to cede control. But self-preservation required it.
She gave me one more squeeze, then leaned away. Meanwhile, I battled between forced numbness and a painful desire to give in, let go of my survival instinct.
Jess gave me another adoring smile. “I’ll go get our pie. Be right back.”
I let her go and she rushed away, though I followed her with my eyes as she walked the length of the counter and disappeared into the kitchen. My attention affixed to the swinging galley door for a long time. I finally managed to swallow around the thick discomfort in my throat, the painful desire to give in replaced with a cold certainty that I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair, not to me and not to her, because then I would ask her to stay.
“Well, looky who we have here.”
I stiffened in my seat and turned on my stool slowly—not cursing, though I wanted to. I was in no hurry to see Repo.
“Repo,” I said, likely sounding as irritated and bored as I was, while my eyes moved over the rest of his companions.
There were a few younger guys I didn’t recognize, a few I did. One was Kip Sylvester’s son, Isaac, and his presence was a surprise. He was a year or so older than me and last I knew he was still in the army. I gathered seeing him here, in the company of the Order, meant he’d been discharged.
I had a few tetchy thoughts then—like wondering what his father, the principal, and his mother, the socialite, would think of his involvement with the Order—before my gaze settled on Tina, my ex, near the back of the entourage.
I had to fight another eye roll because she was giving me one of her looks, all while rubbing up against one of the bikers.
“Hi, Duane,” she said, flapping her eyelashes.
“Tina,” I acknowledged, hoping my visible indifference toward her would hide my frustration at seeing her now. I’d been calling her non-stop for the last week. Beau had also been calling, trying to find a time to meet up so the three of us could discuss a plan for copying, then erasing the Iron Order’s computer files.
But she’d responded with only text messages, telling us both to come see her at the Pink Pony if we wanted to talk. I wanted to go to that strip club again like I wanted kidney stones.
“Oh, you don’t mind? Do you, son?” Repo walked toward me, lowering his voice as he approached. “Your girl Tina has been keeping lots of our guys real happy.”
I shrugged. “Why would I mind? She was never my girl. Besides, spreading…happiness is what she does best.”
Repo chortled, his hand coming down on my shoulder, and he shook his head. “You’re not so bad, Duane.”
“I’m not so good, either.” I looked meaningfully at his hand still gripping my shoulder.
Repo’s smile widened and he released me.
He glanced at his entourage and then lifted his chin toward two booths at the back of the diner. “Pay their tab and ask them to leave, nicely.”