When we arrived at the hospital, Heath carried me straight into an unused room and flipped the shower on. Methodically, he removed every piece of my blood-soaked clothing and dropped them into a nearby trash can before tying the bag up and tossing it in the hall. I wasn’t sure if the police wanted them as evidence or if he couldn’t get the remnants of Walter Noir far enough away from us.
“Am I going to be in trouble?” I asked as he climbed into the shower with me.
“No,” he replied without expounding.
But that was enough for me. I trusted him.
As water poured over us and red circled in the drain, Heath held me. However, in a lot of ways, I was holding him. He was visibly distraught. His hands repeatedly traced and washed every inch of my body, but there was not one thing sexual about that shower. He was struggling, and if a quiet shower where he convinced himself that I really was okay was what he needed, I’d give it to him.
When I was finally clean, he dropped his forehead to mine and breathed, “Jesus, Clare.”
“Are you going to ask me what happened?” I asked, looping my arms around his hips.
“No. You’re standing here with me and he’s dead. I don’t need anything else.”
I swallowed hard. It was important to me that he knew. He’d eventually get curious. Maybe he’d assume the worst of me. Maybe the best. Neither would be accurate. Though, knowing Heath, he’d never ask for fear of upsetting me.
“I think I want to tell you,” I admitted.
He curled his hand around the back of my neck and leveled his gaze on mine. “Then I’m gonna listen.”
I nodded and took a minute to rinse my hair while gathering my nerves. “I used to sleep with a knife under my mattress. I remembered it when he left the room to get me some ice for my face.”
He closed his eyes and tilted his head back to look at the ceiling, his hands tensing at my hips.
“Do you want me to stop?” I asked in a whisper.
He turned his sad, blue gaze back to mine. “What I want is for you to have never been in that house with him.”
I slid my hands up his chest. “Me too. But I’m okay, honey.”
His eyebrows pinched together. “Are you? I mean…are you really?”
I wasn’t. But I knew I would be. And the promise of that was more than I’d had in years.
I found the bar of soap and lathered it in my hands before setting it aside. Silently, I went to work cleansing his hard planes and straining muscles of the blood I’d transferred all over him.
When he was finally clean, I found the courage to continue. “I asked him to lie down with me.” I peeked up at him through my lashes. “And, when he turned to set his gun down on the nightstand, I stabbed him in the neck and screamed for Elisabeth to run.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he stared down at me—despair marring his handsome face.
“He struggled at first, gurgling blood as he fought to get the knife.” My voice broke.
“You don’t have to do this,” he whispered.
I shook my head, needing him to hear me. “I don’t know how many times I stabbed him. I couldn’t stop until he was dead. Even if the police had swarmed in to arrest him, I would never have been able to escape if he was still alive.” My voice hitched. “I couldn’t stop. I would have been stuck in that house, living under the weight of his captivity, for the rest of my life regardless of if I got out or not. I needed him dead. And, honestly, I’m afraid of what that says about me as a person.”
He blew out a ragged breath and cupped each side of my face. “It’s okay to be confused about this right now. You’ve been through a lot. And we’re gonna get you someone to talk to who can help you through this.” Tipping my head back, he swept his lips across mine. “But you need to hear me now and really take this shit in. You did what you had to do in order to survive. And, as pissed off as I am about you taking that risk, deep down, I’m so fucking proud of you.”
My breathing shuddered. “You’re proud of me for killing a man?”
Palming the back of my head, he tucked my face into his neck. “No, Clare. I’m proud of you for being strong enough to bring my woman home to me when I couldn’t.”
My nails dug into his shoulder as I murmured a sad, “Heath.”
“Shhh. That’s enough talking for now. We need to get out of here and let a doctor check you over. While they’re doing that, I’ll give Devon a call and have him bring Tessa up.”
My whole body sagged in his arms. “That sounds amazing.”
He stood there for several beats before saying, “You gotta let me go, babe.”
“I know,” I said without releasing him.
And then Heath being Heath muttered, “Whenever you’re ready.” And then stood in the water that was starting to chill for at least another five minutes.
“I said back the fuck up,” Heath growled.