“I know,” I whispered to keep the shake out of my voice.
He scoffed and planted his fists on his hips. “Then fucking act like it. I’m sick and tired of these doctor’s appointments. Any other woman I’d be able to fuck in the ass and still knock her up. You though? I had to jerk my own cock into a cup to make a baby. Something is seriously wrong with that bullshit.”
A few years ago, that rant would have destroyed me. But I’d become numb to his verbal abuse. Nothing he could say could hurt me as much as living at his side.
Being forced to carry his baby, though, would be a close second.
“I’m sorry,” I said, using the back of my arm to dry my cheeks.
He rolled his eyes, snatching a tissue from the box on the counter. “Clean up your face.” He waved it in my direction.
I followed his order and dug down deep in order to keep fresh tears from reappearing.
Crying was useless.
But, then again, so was breathing when you were married to a monster.
A knock sounded at the door just seconds before a middle-aged man pushed a cart inside.
“You ready?” he asked.
Walt quickly moved to my side and took my hand.
My pulse sped to a near marathon pace and my body began to tremble as I told the biggest lie of my entire life. “Yes.”
“You ready?” Heath asked, sitting beside me on the bed.
“No,” I whispered.
He nodded and rested his elbows on his knees.
It had been a week, and no one had heard from Walt.
Was I unnerved that he’d all but disappeared? Unquestionably.
Did I feel like I was finally living for the first time since he’d slid his ring on my finger? Abso-fucking-lutely.
After my first night at Roman and Elisabeth’s, I’d learned something from the sexy and impossibly sweet Heath Light. Being forced to depend on people wasn’t such a bad thing after all. So what if Elisabeth had bought me underwear and ridiculous nighties to sleep in? She’d also baked my baby cookies and provided me with a fully furnished bedroom where we could sleep safely and soundly while DEA agents and personal security guarded us. She hadn’t had to do that any more than Heath had had to order me pizza and stay up until the wee hours of the morning, filling my head with his past until I’d finally managed to drift off.
The following day, after Heath had mentioned something to Elisabeth over a breakfast she’d cooked for us, I’d found a bag full of yoga pants and oversized T-shirts on my bed.
I’d cried as I’d pulled them on.
They felt like me. But not Clare Noir. Walt never would have allowed me to wear that to bed.
They felt like me. Clare Cynthia Cornwell. The woman I’d lost the day I’d signed my life away on the dotted line of a marriage certificate.
That night, after I got out of the shower, I found Heath sitting in my room, lounging on the bed, while Tessa explained to him all things Surprise Eggs and Shopkins. He listened intently with bright eyes and a wide smile that made my stomach dip.
That was Heath.
He was oddly reminiscent of Luke—but better.
After Tessa had fallen asleep, we stayed up all night, talking again and watching old reruns of Wheel of Fortune. He was exhausted and yawned repeatedly, but he stayed until my lids fluttered closed. I wasn’t sure when he’d snuck out, but he was gone by the next morning.
He always came back the following night though.
When I was with Heath, I didn’t feel like I was drowning. For those hours locked in a bedroom with him while Tessa slept soundly beside me, I was the happiest I’d been in years. The expansive world outside paled in comparison to the beauty inside those four walls. He made sure of that.
I would have lived in the confines of that safe haven forever as long as I had them beside me.
Heath had taken so many of my dirty and broken pieces away over the last week that it was a wonder I wasn’t transparent. The holes left behind weren’t always as easy to fill. But, each time I fell apart, he was there.
It’d taken a few days, but I’d relaxed when it came to Tessa. I’d been encouraging her to spend more time alone with Elisabeth and Roman. They were good people. And God knows she hadn’t had many of those in her life. The smile on her face as she found comfort with others was worth every minute of my anxiety. And the peace I felt when I leaned back against Heath’s chest as we watched her from the window while she raced through the backyard, Loretta hot on her heels, made it worth it in a different way.