THE MUD GRABS AT ME to drag me down. My lungs burn, pain knifing down my side with every breath as I force myself to scramble through the swamp. This trek is bad enough on foot at full strength, but I feel like I’ve been hit by a transport. One hour stretches into two, into three, and then I stop counting.
If I could’ve waited, I would have. But I can still see the footage from the bar, the loop playing over and over on the insides of my eyelids whenever I let them close: I see myself turn in toward Jubilee, smiling, starting to speak, and then it jumps back to the beginning. If I could’ve stolen a boat, I would have done that too. But the docks were crawling with patrols, and while my stolen uniform might have gotten me by, the bar footage was playing on the side of the docking shed.
I tried to make this journey before, on my own, just once. Then, I didn’t have smoke in my lungs; but I was also only eight years old, fleeing the transports waiting to take me to an off-world orphanage. And I was found only a few kilometers outside of town by Fianna patrols looking for me.
This time I have no one to help me get home. I shove past a bank of reeds, my breath rasping, ears straining for any sound behind me. I can’t afford to rest for more than a few seconds. My head spins, and for once I can’t tell if the lights sparking in front of my eyes are wisps or my own hazy eyesight.
I push on through waist-high muck and sluggish black water. I wade and swim and when I can’t stand I crawl, until I’m covered with mud then washed clean again.
My numb body knows where home is, and I drag myself toward it. The trodairí have footage of my face. If they catch me—if they recognize my face and scan my genetag—they’ll use me to find the Fianna, and blame them for the bombing and for every other ill that ever graced Avon. And they won’t rest until my people are dead.
It’s another hour and a half of struggling through the swamp before the black silhouette of the cave complex looms up in the distance. It takes me a long time to register what I’m seeing. Home.
By now each movement is taking careful effort. I think to myself, I’m going to reach out and take those reeds and pull myself forward, and then, I’m going to push with my foot. My hands are a clammy white, and I’m soaked to the skin, hair plastered against my forehead.
I’ve never tried to climb up the side of the harbor from the water, only from a currach, and it takes long, gasping, shaking minutes before I manage the scramble. Uneasiness tickles at the back of my mind, and it takes me a moment to realize what’s bothering me: there’s a military launch vessel floating abandoned a few meters from the dock. A flak jacket rests on the bench; this wasn’t stolen and brought here by one of the Fianna.
I stumble down the hallway, ricocheting off the uneven stone walls and trailing mud and water in my wake. No one has changed the lanterns, and the dark, silent hallways are streaked with something wet. There’s a basket lying in the middle of the hallway, hard bread rolls scattered everywhere.
The main cavern is silent. The lights are high here, and suddenly the stains on the floor are a garish red; my gaze follows a smear to a bundle of rags dumped on the floor.
The rags have hands, a head, eyes staring at me—it’s a body.
The world snaps into focus. The floor’s slick with blood, and there are bodies—four, six, eight—sprawled near the walls. Some seem to have been moved, leaving bright trails of blood on the floor. Their wounds and clothes are scorched, and the air smells of burning flesh; our guns couldn’t do this. This was the work of military weaponry.
I stagger backward and hit the wall, grabbing at it to steady myself as the world whirls. I can’t drag my gaze away from them, the wounds, the streams of blood. The body closest to me—it’s Mike Doyle, who helped me pull McBride off Jubilee, who had the best singing voice in the Fianna, and the loudest laugh. Then I see it, the way he’s curled around the tiny body beneath him. I see a little hand under his, and as I blink, a small face comes into focus. It’s Sean’s nephew, Fergal.
I stagger toward them and drop to my knees, the pain of the impact shooting up through my hips to my back. “Fergal, please.” My voice is hoarse and trembling as I reach for his small hand. “Talk to me. Please.”
But I know as I touch his face, painting his pale skin with my bloody fingertips, that Mike, still curled over him, couldn’t save him. Fergal’s eyes are blank, unblinking.
“No.” The moan tears out of my throat, horror sweeping through me as my stomach convulses. I push myself away from Mike and Fergal before I throw up, hands pressed white-knuckled against the stone floor. Gulping for air, I lift my head.