The strobing light of the breakdown truck would be a comforting sight on any other occasion. Tonight though, it makes my stomach jolt with nerves, as it gradually gets larger and closer. It’s a little too similar to another sort of light in these present circumstances. The driver spends a minute reading something before making his leisurely way out of the truck. He’s a portly man, bald, in his forties, and looks tired and fed up.
‘Evening ladies,’ he says and then I notice the little spark of interest when he sees Melissa close up. I wonder if she is even aware of this any more?
‘Bit past your bedtimes, is it?’
Melissa gives a little giggle, and I think, Oh yes, she’s aware, all right.
I open my mouth to speak, ready with our story, but realize quickly that it is just one of those things people say. He doesn’t really care why we are driving in the middle of the night and moves straight onto a question about what has happened before we can answer.
It never ceases to amaze me, how little people are interested in each other anymore. It never occurred to me until tonight that this could ever be a good thing.
I quickly tell him what happened with the smoke and so on, and he nods knowingly before asking me to unlatch the bonnet. Naturally, I have no idea how to do this and my expression must betray this because, wordlessly, he’s already opening the driver’s door and fumbling below the steering wheel. The bonnet makes a clunking sound and he goes round to lift it up. He peers inside for a while. I can hardly breathe. I glance at Melissa, whose eyes look large and luminous in the light. She still has the tartan blanket around her although she has let it hang open a little at the front, I notice.
The AA man rummages about inside the bonnet for a while.
I am suddenly so acutely aware of the dead body crumpled just a few feet from him that I have a very inappropriate urge to start laughing. How would I explain that? It’s such a terrible but almost comical thought that I can’t seem to control my face and I feel the corners of my mouth hitch up of their own accord. I think I must have made a small sound too because Melissa is staring at me now, an expression of such terror and fury on her pretty face that I almost take a step backwards.
My heartbeat pounds in my ears. I have to appear like a woman who just wants to get on her way. Just be normal, Hester, I tell myself. Just be normal. But I can’t entirely remember how.
A few minutes later the AA man holds aloft a rectangular sort of grid that is covered in dust and dirt.
‘There you go,’ he says. ‘Your air filter is all chocked up.’
‘Oh dear, is that a big problem?’ says Melissa. The slight tremor in her voice betrays her nerves, which she has done a good job of hiding until now.
The AA man emerges from the bonnet and bends backwards, rotating his shoulders and groaning a little.
‘Bloody back,’ he says, then, ‘Nah, just need to give it a clean and you’ll be on your way again. Won’t take five minutes.’
Oh thank God. My knees almost give way as I meet Melissa’s eyes. Neither of us can help exchanging a small smile. The relief is so intense it feels like a drug flooding through my system. Not that I’ve ever taken drugs, but I imagine it must be a similar sensation.
True to his word, he doesn’t take long and soon he’s putting the filter back where it belongs. Melissa’s nervous energy is almost crackling around her now like static, and I sense she is desperate to get this over with and be on our way. I’m expecting the AA man to get some paperwork from his vehicle for her to sign, but he doesn’t do that.
Instead, he walks past us to the back of the van, without glancing at either of us.
I stare at Melissa, my mouth circling in horror. Her face is a mask of shock as she follows him. I hurry after her.
‘What’s up?’ she says in a strange squeaky voice.
The AA man gestures at the lower end of the back of the van and then taps it with the toe of his boot. The proximity of his large frame – so near the body on the other side of those doors – makes my throat close over.
‘See that?’ he says in a relaxed tone. ‘One of your taillights is gone. Noticed it was smashed as I pulled over.’
Looking down I can see that, sure enough, there is broken glass or plastic or whatever it is on one of the lights. I realize with a plummeting sensation that this probably happened when I was reversing out of Melissa’s driveway. She shoots me a look that makes my skin shrivel, then clears her throat.
‘Really, it’s okay,’ she says then, and I wonder if it’s only me who can hear the tightness in her voice. ‘We’ll get that sorted when we get, um, home. You must have another job you should be getting to!’
The false brightness in her voice makes me think of the sound made when you run a finger around a wine glass. It’s too high, too sharp, not normal.
‘Nope, this is my last job,’ says the AA man, rolling his fist over a small belch. ‘Pop open the back of the van for me and I’ll sort it for you now.’
Melissa doesn’t move, and neither do I.
The man seems to turn slowly, taking us both in.
Everything seems to go very quiet. I am no longer aware of the passing vehicles.
I have the strangest notion that we will be stuck in this odd tableau forever: Melissa, the AA man, and me. Time is unable to move forward.
My mind fills with vivid images. I see the van being opened and the AA man peering in. Asking what’s in the back. Maybe reaching out in our silence and unrolling some of the plastic to see the cool, stiff flesh beneath. I picture the look of slight confusion and then horror on his face as he reaches into his pocket for his mobile phone. I see him stumbling back a little as he rings 999.
I think I’m actually going to vomit.
And then another picture comes to me. This time I see myself finding a rock from the side of the road. I see it smashing against his bald, shiny head and splitting it like an egg. Or maybe I could find some sort of heavy spanner from his own breakdown truck. I quickly try to calculate the chances of this working. He’s quite a big man. It would also be enormously problematic if we found ourselves with two bodies to dispose of.
What’s more, all his movements tonight will have been logged …
Melissa is speaking and I’m too flustered and caught up in my own panic to make sense of what she is saying.
‘No really, my husband has planned to sort that himself … we’d better leave it, but honestly, thanks a million. You’re a total gem.’
The AA man looks understandably confused. ‘Well, it won’t take a moment, love. And I really shouldn’t send you on your way with a defective light. Did you know the police can pull you over for that?’
I gaze at Melissa. I am shaking, hard, from my legs up to my chattering teeth.
The notion of finding some kind of heavy implement in his truck is starting to feel like our only option.
Melissa casts her eyes down and seems to hunch her shoulders, visibly shrinking.
‘The thing is,’ she says in a small voice, ‘I wasn’t really supposed to borrow the van at all. My old man is away on a golf weekend and my, er, cousin and I have been to a friend’s party. I was hoping he’d never know about this breakdown. I deal with AA stuff so there’s no reason for him to know. But if you mend the light …’
Despite how shaken I am, I notice that her normally well-spoken voice is morphing into an Estuary twang.
She looks up, slyly. But maybe he can’t see that. Men are so stupid sometimes. No woman would ever believe that story about a party when neither of us is remotely dressed for one.
But she hasn’t finished. ‘He has a bit of a temper, you see.’ This last bit is almost a whisper and she gazes at the AA man with wide eyes.
He seems to grow taller as she shrinks. This appeal to his testosterone has quite done the trick.
‘Okay love,’ he says in a gruff voice. ‘I get it. I’ll leave it for now but make sure he does get it fixed, won’t you?’
‘I will,’ she says, rewarding him with a sweet, melancholy smile.
‘And … love?’
‘Yes?’
‘Take care of yourself, won’t you?’
A few minutes later she waves him away. I haven’t been able to find my voice yet and wasn’t even able to thank him before he left, which is very unlike me. I put my hand to my chest, feeling my heart beat like a trapped bird against a window. Melissa turns shining eyes to me.