The Weight of Ink

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Nothing you ever say could offend me, that’s how much I respect you. That’s what Jonathan Martin said to me.” A satisfied expression crossed her face. “So I told him that’s precisely how I feel about him. And then he congratulated me on my notable career. And I did the same for him. And then”—Helen’s words slowed—“he said what a pity it was that I wouldn’t be able to work on the Richmond documents through the completion of the project, given my retirement and my health issues, which, if I didn’t mind him saying so, seemed to dictate that I’d be slowing down altogether from here forward.” For a moment Helen was silent. Then, shrugging, she let out a little laugh. Her face looked thinner, older, yet somehow lighter. Washed clean of something. “He’ll be chuckling about it over cognac with his mistress by now, I’m sure.”

“His mistress?”

“Yes,” Helen said simply. “Penelope Babcock is Jonathan Martin’s mistress. There, now you know a faculty secret.”

“Well, he’s a little bastard,” shot Aaron.

“Stop being protective of me, Mr. Levy. Jonathan Martin might or might not be a little bastard.”

“You’d actually defend him?”

“I care neither to defend nor attack him. Much as I detest the man, I’ll never know the full circumstances behind his choices. Life is muddy. Denying that—thinking there’s only one noble path above the fray—can be a poisonous approach to life.”

She’d spoken vehemently; now she stared at him as though insisting that he grant her point. She’d gone somewhere he didn’t understand. He gave her a moment, then reeled them back to daylight. “He’s still a little bastard.”

She nodded, conceding.

“Now will you please tell me why we’re here?”

Helen set her briefcase on the sidewalk and carefully extracted three pages of notebook paper. They were covered with penciled script, the writing tremulous and hurried.

“What is this?” he said.

“What we’ve been missing.” She raised a shaking finger—and for an irrational moment, he felt certain she was pointing in accusation at his heart, rather than at the page in his hand. But Helen wasn’t accusing; she was smiling—a smile of such simple elation he felt he was looking at the girl she might once have been. “This is the last document from underneath the Eastons’ staircase. The ivy letter—the one that was sealed and positioned at the end of the shelf. I copied out the text this afternoon in the conservation lab.”

She was looking straight into his eyes, still smiling. He had no idea how to respond to such an expression coming from Helen Watt.

She continued, her voice hoarse. “Read it, and you’ll understand. We haven’t been wrong about her, Aaron.”

With difficulty, he began reading the shakily penciled lines—the text of a poem. After the second couplet, he looked up. “There’s no way Ester wrote this clumsy stuff.”

“She didn’t,” Helen said. “But don’t sound so indignant. Read it all, Aaron. It improves as it goes.”



May 26, 1691





An Apologie for That Denied the Fyre



A thief I never once have been

In all the days I e’er have seen

Yet from the flames I have purloin’d

That given by she to whom I’m join’d

One mayde I’ve loved and one alone

To she I’m wed and to she alone

She’s fathomed my heart all my days

I’ve trembled e’er before her gaze

Though worship I with holy love

He who set the cherubim above

Still with sacred joy I call her wife

Who lent to me renewed life

I’ve made no impress on her heart

Which loves none yet loved me from my start

If read you this and think me horn’d

I say my heart has not been scorned

And though she fathomed not my desire

She blessed it with her spirit’s fire

And so I bless hers ever.

Now each one of her pained breaths

Does hasten the hour of her death

Yet whilst that mayd lyes on her bed

Her illness heavy and her dread

In one thing does she rest content

For she her husband has sent

To set these pages to the pyre

And damn her secret to the fyre

I ne’er will her thoughts divine

Her understanding passes mine

It pains my soul to disobey

To deny her aught is my dismay

Her merest shadow I adore

Yet this I shall not do.

She bore no child, did not her duty

Kept house for none, tended not her beauty

Yet I her very soul do cherish

And will not suffer her word to perish

Let others mock my love for she

That gave not of her heart to me

For love be not a jeweler’s pans

Gems’ worth is oft misread by man

Now Death to that same mayde draws near

And in her eyes uncustom’d fear

Her soul’s accounting now she does attend

Yet I, wretch, refuse to so embrace her end

For her to linger I do plead

For God to spare her! Physick bleed!

Yet even as death’s tread does tremble the path

And she, content, believes these pages ash

She jealous guards with life’s last sparks

The trace of treasured hands’ marks

And for her pleasure does secretly preserve

Some letters to comfort as she does deserve

When sleep eludes and falters health

Her rest be eased by her inked wealth

Which she still reads and to them doth still reply

With quill and ink her sex she yet defies.

Though I fear she’ll burn her treasures at the last

Till Death call her she will yet hold them fast

And through habits long of secrecy

She hydes this work from even I

And thinks I do not see.

Dare not condemn her, you who read

This trail of these, her fiercest deeds

And should you she past mercy deem

Her every thought a heresy seem

Recall she saved this poor wretch

From life of blackest dreams.

But seal I now these words. I’ve overstay’d

And dry my eyes, for weeping’s debt’s past paid

I would she’d know that by her side I stay’d

As I hold fast to her, my only mayde

And set her harvest ’neath ever-rising stair

And keep her spirit safe from all life’s care

For never in her life could it exult

Redeemed at last from all the world’s tumult

As did mine on that morn my Blessed Love

Arrayed the wise-eyed cherubim above.





At the bottom of the final page, Helen had copied the writer’s signature in wide, loose letters: Alvaro HaLevy.

Aaron lowered the pages. “She—”

A high, glad laugh escaped Helen. She almost sang the words. “She married him.”

“I thought he . . .”

“Apparently he didn’t. Apparently he made it home to England. And they lived a long life together, they did.”

The Richmond traffic furled around the curb where they stood. He reread the ungainly lines, the signature. The answer had been awaiting all along. He’d been outsmarted by a three-hundred-year-old woman and her homosexual husband. “I don’t understand half of what he says here.” His voice was ranging wide with incredulity and he didn’t care. “I don’t get the last bit at all. But I get enough.”

The foolish wonder on her face mirrored his. He was certain her voice quaked as she said, “I’m glad for them.”

A strange gladness ballooned in him. He’d never in his life felt this way: as though the safe landing of another human being could substitute for his own. “Do you think the other papers he refers to are still in the house?”

“If they are, they’re going to be upstairs. Did you reach Bridgette to tell her we’re coming?”

Aaron hesitated. “I need to tell you something,” he said.

She looked at him. “No,” she said. “You don’t.” She let out a slow breath. “I’m not blind, you know. Though I do wonder about your judgment. Let me manage her.”

“Yes,” he said. “I think that would be best. Do you want me to stay away?”

She snorted. “Are you mad? This is yours too, Aaron Levy.”

Rachel Kadish's books