‘No buts. Just believe me. Now, you’d better get back to your block before your kapo starts wondering.’
As Lale begins to walk off, Gita pulls him back and kisses him hard.
Breaking the kiss, he says, ‘Maybe I should stay away more often.’
‘Don’t you dare,’ she says, hitting him on the chest.
?
That night Ivana and Dana pepper Gita with questions, relieved to see their friend smiling again.
‘Did you tell him about your family?’ says Dana.
‘No.’
‘Why not?’
‘I can’t. It’s too painful to talk about … and he was so happy to see me.’
‘Gita, if he loves you as he says he does, he would want to know you have lost your family. He would want to comfort you.’
‘You might be right, Dana, but if I tell him then we’ll both be sad, and I want our time together to be different. I want to forget where I am and what’s happened to my family. And when he holds me in his arms, I do forget, just for those few brief moments. Is it wrong of me to want to escape reality for a bit?’
‘No, not at all.’
‘I’m sorry that I have my escape, my Lale. You know I wish with all my heart the same for you two.’
‘We are very happy that you have him,’ says Ivana.
‘It is enough that one of us has a little happiness. We share in it, and you let us – that’s enough for us,’ says Dana.
‘Just don’t keep any secrets from us, all right?’ says Ivana.
‘No secrets,’ says Gita.
‘No secrets,’ agrees Dana.
Chapter 14
The next morning, Lale appears in the administration office and approaches Bella at the main desk.
‘Lale, where have you been?’ Bella says with a warm smile. ‘We thought something had happened to you.’
‘Auschwitz.’
‘Ah, say no more. You must be low on supplies – wait here and I’ll stock you up.’
‘Not too much, Bella.’
Bella looks over at Gita. ‘Of course. We need to make sure you come back tomorrow.’
‘You know me too well, young Bella. Thank you.’
Bella wanders off to get his supplies and Lale leans on the desk and stares at Gita. He knows she has seen him come in but is playing coy and keeping her head down. She runs a finger over her lips. Lale aches with desire.
He also notices that the chair next to her, Cilka’s, is empty. Again he tells himself to find out what is happening with her.
He leaves the office and heads over to the selection area, having already noted that a truck has arrived with new prisoners. As he is setting up his table, Baretski appears.
‘I’ve got someone here to see you, T?towierer.’
Before Lale can look up, he hears a familiar voice, no more than a whisper.
‘Hello, Lale.’
Leon stands beside Baretski – pale, thinner, stooped over, carefully placing one foot in front of the other.
‘I’ll leave you two to get reacquainted.’ A smiling Baretski walks off.
‘Leon, oh my god, you’re alive.’ Lale rushes to embrace him. He can feel every bone through his friend’s shirt. He holds him at arm’s length, examining him.
‘Mengele. Was it Mengele?’ Leon can only nod. Lale gently runs his hands down Leon’s skinny arms, touches his face.
‘The bastard. One day he’ll get his. As soon as I’ve finished here I can get you plenty of food. Chocolate, sausage, what do you want? I’ll fatten you up.’
Leon smiles weakly at him. ‘Thanks, Lale.’
‘I knew the bastard was starving prisoners. I thought he was only doing it to girls.’
‘If only that was all it was.’
‘What do you mean?’
Now Leon stares directly into Lale’s eyes. ‘He cut my fucking balls off, Lale,’ he says, his voice strong and steady. ‘Somehow you lose your appetite when they cut your balls off.’
Lale reels back in horror, and turns away, not wanting Leon to see his shock. Leon fights back a sob and struggles to find his voice as he searches the ground for something to focus on.
‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said it like that. Thank you for your offer. I am grateful to you.’
Lale breathes deeply, trying to control his anger. He badly wants to lash out, to take revenge on the crime committed against his friend.
Leon clears his throat. ‘Any chance I can have my job back?’
Lale’s face floods with warmth. ‘Of course. Glad to have you back – but only when you’ve regained your strength,’ he says. ‘Why don’t you go back to my room? If any of the Gypsies stop you, tell them you’re my friend and I’ve sent you there. You’ll find supplies under my bed. I’ll see you when I’m done here.’
A senior SS officer approaches.
‘Go now, hurry.’
‘Hurrying is not something I can do right now.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s OK. I’m gone. See you later.’
The officer watches Leon walk off and turns back to what he was doing previously: determining who should live and die.
?
The next day, Lale reports to the administration office to be told that he has the day off. No transports are arriving at either Auschwitz or Birkenau and there is no request from Herr Doktor to assist him. He spends the morning with Leon. He’d bribed his old kapo in Block 7 to take Leon in, on the understanding he will work for him when he has regained his strength. He gives him food that he had been planning to give to his Romani friends and to Gita for distribution.
As Lale is leaving Leon, Baretski calls out to him. ‘T?towierer, where have you been? I have been looking for you.’
‘I was told I had the day off.’
‘Well, you don’t anymore. Come, we have a job.’
‘I have to get my bag.’
‘You don’t need your tools for this job. Come.’
Lale hurries after Baretski. They are heading towards one of the crematoria.
He catches up with him. ‘Where are we going?’
‘Are you worried?’ Baretski laughs.
‘Wouldn’t you be?’
‘No.’
Lale’s chest tightens; his breath comes too short. Should he run? If he does, Baretski will surely turn his weapon on him. But then, what would it matter? A bullet is surely preferable to the ovens.
They are very close to Crematorium Three before Baretski decides to put Lale out of his misery. He slows his long strides.
‘Don’t worry. Now come on before we both get into trouble and end up in the ovens.’
‘You’re not getting rid of me?’
‘Not just yet. There are two prisoners in here who appear to have the same number. We need you to look at them. It must have been you or that eunuch who made the marks. You have to tell us which one is which.’
The red brick building looms in front of them; large windows disguise the purpose, but the size of the chimneys confirms its horrifying true nature. They are met at the entrance by two SS, who joke with Baretski and ignore Lale. They point to closed doors inside the building and Baretski and Lale walk towards them. Lale looks around at this final stretch of the road to death at Birkenau. He sees the Sonderkommandos standing by, defeated, ready to do a job no one on earth would volunteer for: removing corpses from the gas chambers and putting them into the ovens. He tries to make eye contact with them, to let them know he too works for the enemy. He too has chosen to stay alive for as long as he can, by performing an act of defilement on people of his own faith. None of them meets his eye. He has heard what other prisoners say about these men and the privileged position they occupy – housed separately, receiving extra rations, having warm clothing and blankets to sleep under. Their lives parallel his and he feels a sinking in his gut at the thought that he too is despised for the role he plays at the camp. Unable to express in any way his solidarity with these men, he walks on.
They are led to a large steel door. In front of it stands a guard.
‘It’s all right, all the gas has gone. We need to send them to the ovens, but can’t until you identify the correct numbers.’
The guard opens the door for Lale and Baretski. Pulling himself up to his full height, Lale looks Baretski in the eye and sweeps his hand from left to right.
‘After you.’
Baretski bursts out laughing and slaps Lale on the back, ‘No, after you.’
‘No, after you,’ Lale repeats.