He spins around and he raises his hand. I flinch, but he scratches his head instead as he studies me in that way of his. I can’t help noticing his wedding ring. Who in their right mind would marry him? Someone who doesn’t know what he did.
Despite my earlier bravado, I find myself shaking. He takes a step forward. I take a step back. He steps forward again, and my heart hammers in my chest as the distance between us closes. I can smell tobacco on his breath. See the anger in his eyes. I back up until I am wedged in a corner, with nowhere to hide.
28
Then
The manager of The Three Fishes glared at us as he frothed lager into tall glasses, making yet another barbed comment about our school uniforms, but we didn’t care. After final period our study leave would officially start and that was something we wanted to celebrate.
‘I’ve got something for you,’ Jake said, sliding a mobile phone across the bar. ‘It’s just a cheap one but I’ve topped it up with credit. Now we can text each other, and it won’t seem so bad when you’re grounded.’
I flung my arms around him, showering his face with kisses. It was utterly ridiculous to be grounded at my age. Last Sunday I had told my parents I would be at Lisa’s studying and had gone to the cinema with Jake instead. Mum had rung Lisa’s house to ask me to pick up some gravy granules on the way home. Lisa had tried her best to cover for me, telling Mum I had fallen asleep reading a textbook, but Mum didn’t believe her, demanded she woke me up, and Lisa had to admit I wasn’t there. Lisa tried to find me, to warn me, but had no idea where I was. After the film I had glided into the kitchen on a conveyor belt of happiness, with no idea I was walking into World War III.
‘Where the hell have you been?’ My dad sat at the table, his spine as stiff as the wood he rested his elbows on, hands pressed together as though in prayer, chin resting on index fingers.
‘At Lisa’s.’ As soon as the words falteringly left my lips I wanted to snatch them back when I noticed Mum’s shoulders stiffen as she chopped veg, the sound of the knife hitting the glass workshop saver. Liar-liar-liar.
‘We know you haven’t.’ Dad’s voice was measured and calm, and that was worse somehow than the shouting I had been expecting. ‘And more fool you if you’ve been out with a boy. They only want one thing, you know.’
I couldn’t keep the corners of my mouth from twitching as I thought about Jake unbuttoning my shirt, his fingers slipping inside my bra, his lips pressed hard against mine.
‘You think this is funny, Katherine?’
‘I’m nineteen,’ I said, as though that would placate them. It didn’t.
‘Kat.’ Mum wiped her hands on her apron. ‘It’s because you are nineteen that we worry. This is a real turning point for you. You’ll leave school next month and it’s important you do well in your exams. I want you to have the future—’
‘She won’t have a future at all if she’s running about, God knows where,’ Dad said.
‘In a few weeks I’ll be living away from home and you won’t be able to keep me prisoner then. I can’t wait. I hate you.’ As the words spilled from my mouth I instantly knew it was the wrong thing to say.
‘You’re grounded,’ Dad shouted.
‘You can’t ground me. I’m an adult!’
‘I don’t care how old you are. While you’re living under my roof, you’ll do as I say.’
‘I can’t wait until I’m not living under your roof. Mum…’ But she was turning away from me. Back to the vegetables. Dad picked up the Sunday Times and held it like a barrier between us and, just like that, I was dismissed.
Now, I turned over the phone in my hands and it felt like I was holding independence.
‘Shall we order food?’ Aaron asked.
‘I could eat a bowl of cheesy chips.’ I hadn’t fancied breakfast that morning and the smell of fried food drifting from the kitchen was making me ravenous.
‘Me too.’ Jake wrapped his arms around my waist and nuzzled my neck.
‘Lis?’
‘I’m not hungry.’
‘Three bowls of cheesy chips please.’ Aaron handed over a ￡20 note.
‘Cheers mate.’ Jake sipped his pint.
I wiped the foamy moustache from his top lip with my thumb.
‘So this is it. Our last day at school,’ Aaron said as we walked over to one of the high tables. The sun slicing through the window reflected off the stainless steel surface and I shaded my eyes as I climbed onto one of the tall stools, still listening to Aaron. ‘I can’t believe after this I’ll have five years at uni. If my mum wasn’t so proud of me I honestly think I’d be having second thoughts. She’s told everyone I’m going to be a doctor.’
‘What is it with parental pressure?’ I said.
‘Your dad picked your course, didn’t he, Kat?’ Aaron asked.
‘He did but… No, you’ve got to guess.’ My fingertips drummed suspense on the table top.
‘You’re not going to uni any more?’ The hope in Lisa’s voice was palpable, and I flattened my hand, deflated.
‘I am going but I rang up admissions and there are places on the Performing Arts course, so I’m swapping.’
‘Wow. What about your dad?’
I shrugged. ‘What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.’ In truth I was terrified of him finding out before I went, but after he grounded me, I thought long and hard. He was always going to treat me like a child while I was still acting like one. It was time to take charge of my life.
‘Hollywood, here you come.’ Jake raised his glass.
‘I’d be happy with a stage career.’ We chinked.
‘Are you okay?’ I said to Lisa. She was jabbing at her soda water with her straw. Her half-moon of lemon bobbing up and down.
‘It’s all right for all of you. Off to uni.’
‘You didn’t want to? Mum did say—’ Jake started.
‘I know I didn’t,’ she snapped. ‘I still don’t but… I dunno. In a way I thought school would last forever. It’s come round so quickly. You’re all leaving me, and now dad’s gone.’ Lisa and Jake’s dad had been having an affair and had run off with his 25-year-old mistress. Lisa vowed never to talk to him again. ‘I don’t want to leave Mum on her own,’ she said. Nancy was spitting vitriol every time I went to visit. Spewing hatred against women who had affairs with married men.
‘We’re not leaving you.’ I reached across and squeezed her hand.
‘It’s not like you’ll never see me again, sis,’ Jake said. ‘I’ll be home every holiday and some weekends.’
‘Bet you won’t,’ Lisa said. ‘Your uni isn’t far from Kat’s. You’ll be spending all your time together.’
‘We’ll always have time for you,’ I said.
‘But it will be different. You’ll all have exciting lives, and I’ll be stuck here in some crap job in shitty Farncaster.’
‘There’s nothing wrong in staying in the same town,’ I said, although I was itching to leave. ‘By the time we finish uni, we’ll be broke, with a mountain of debt and you’ll probably have settled down with an amazing man and had a family.’
‘God, no.’ Lisa shuddered. ‘You know how I feel about kids. Horrible, whiney things. Babies aren’t for me.’
‘You might feel differently in a few years. People change,’ I said.
‘That’s what I’m scared of.’ Lisa’s eyes were glazed with tears.
‘Stop being paranoid. I won’t change. No matter how many new people I meet you’ll always be my best friend, Lis.’
‘Promise?’
‘Promise.’
And at that time I meant it.
My euphoria regarding the future was tinged with sadness as I emptied my locker. It was the end of an era. The corridor was devoid of students but was jammed full of memories. Me and Lisa shuffling along, heads down, new school shoes squeaking on the lino during our first day at a place that felt a world apart from our small, safe, primary school. Later, sprinting to the canteen, knowing they always ran out of pizza, slowing, giggling, as Mr Lemmington barked ‘walk, don’t run!’
On my way to Lisa’s locker I pressed the corner back down of the West Side Story poster that was hanging off the wall. Not long now until the performance.
‘You nearly done?’ I clapped Lisa on the shoulder. She jumped, her books clattering to the floor.