Taishō 7th year, August
Father insisted that I wear my karaginu mo today and criticized me for the color combinations I had chosen for my sleeves. His obsession with court functions has grown worse over the years, and I do not understand this idiosyncrasy. Few people visit this village, and it is unlikely the emperor would pay his respects so far from court, as Father seems to expect. He and the others who oversee the ceremonies think the same way.
I pause to google the date on my phone. The Japanese created era names for their calendar when inauspicious events happen or when a new emperor ascends the throne. I learn that the Taishō era covered the years 1912 to 1926, to mark the rise of the liberal movement and the beginnings of democracy in Japan. The seventh year of Taishō meant this was written in 1918.
Taishō 7th year, September
The fireflies have arrived early this year. I can see a few of them in the gardens by my window, flying over the grass and winking at me while the night slowly falls. I cannot help but feel jealous of them. I wish I too could set foot into the gardens and dance among the flowers. But I cannot. I am like a bird in a cage, waiting for a spring that may never come.
Taishō 7th year, October
I dreamed that Yukiko-chan was buried underneath the shrine, that she was alive and dying all at once. Father laughed at me and said that my friend was traveling the world with Makoto-kun and that I will do the same with Tomeo when my turn comes and we are wed.
Taishō 7th year, November
Some of the assistant priests told Tomeo that it is possible to return from the dead. If you are in possession of immense spiritual energy, they say you can bring a soul back from the underworld. Tomeo says the kannushi has been talking a lot about this lately. Father laughed when I asked him, but there was a strange look on his face.
Tomeo asked the priests about my ritual, wanting to be sure everything will turn out well. I told him the kannushi has performed this ritual many times. Everyone in the village knows why it is done.
Father says I have strong ki, like all the chosen—that I attract demons and bad luck into the village. That is why I am to be sent away, so these evil spirits will follow. The ritual will protect me from the worst of these spirits, and my marriage to Tomeo is part of that protection.
Our village has never experienced drought or pestilence or plague, and Father says it is because the ritual is always successful.
I am not afraid. Not if I am with Tomeo.
Still, Father says my presence in the village makes everyone nervous, and I cannot help but feel guilty. Did Yukiko-chan feel the same way before her ritual?
Taishō 7th year, December
Tomeo and I talked about what we would like to do when we leave Aitou. He wants to work as a carpenter. I asked him what he thinks I would be good at, and he said all he wants is for me to be his wife.
I cannot be happier.
Taishō 8th year, January
Do the others in the village still remember me? I have been locked inside this room for nearly three years now. I know that many look down on me because of my eyes, but Father believes I am doubly blessed because of them. He says it was because Mother was a beauty from Akita, of the Ainu tribe. Tomeo tells me I am beautiful. His approval and Father’s approval are all that matter to me.
Did Yukiko-chan also worry about being forgotten while she waited for her ritual here? I still remember Yukiko-chan. I remember her kindness. Father says that Yukiko had great spiritual power—she could have been trained as a priestess and would have been quite strong. It was a shame, he says, that the gods chose another purpose for her.
On the day of her ritual I remember Yukiko’s parents presenting a kimono before the whole village. It was the most beautiful green kimono with cranes looking out through the bamboo and plums. They gave it to the assistant priests to give to Yukiko-chan. When I think of Yukiko, I like to imagine her wearing it. Father gave me my own kimono to wear for my ritual—white with wisteria blossoms wrapped around cherry trees.
Will everyone remember me when my turn comes?
Taishō 8th year, February
I took something from Father’s desk today and gave it to Tomeo. I have heard Father say it is a charm that wards off demons, and with the ceremony drawing closer, I am worried. I cannot shake the fear that something bad is going to happen, that Tomeo might be harmed. I hope the charm will keep him safe.
I am not proud of what I have done, but I would do it again.
Taishō 8th year, March