“I love you all. I love the bones of each and every one of ya, but I’m not made of glass. I’m tougher than you all think and I seriously wonder why some of you don’t seem to get that. When I went to pieces after the Whorely incident, somebody should’ve kicked my arse and told me to pull myself together. I know you all thought you were doing the right thing, but you just left me to wallow. Jimmie tried, but even she was too soft on me, I know it’s because she loved me, I know I was stubborn and wouldn’t see sense but seriously, someone should’ve just slapped me, shouted at me, told me a few home truths, but anyway, it was Ash and Cam who eventually got through to me.”
Ash has a hold of Marley’s hand and has tears streaming down her face. Cam rests his right ankle on his left knee and sits back, but angles himself towards me. I continue, “When I lost Beau and Sean and then tried to kill myself, you left it to Jimmie and Ash again to make me see sense, to make me realise what a selfish bitch I was being. But it should’ve come from one of you.” I look between my brothers and my parents. “I’m a grown woman. I’ve lost two babies and one husband, and yes, all of that has nearly killed me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t need to know when I’m being a complete bitch. It doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t be told that my behaviour is unacceptable; that I’m being selfish. I need to be told these things. I know anyway. Most of the time I know when I’m being an arsehole, but it’s only you lot letting me know that makes me want to do anything about it.” I know I’m rambling a bit now and gone a bit off subject, but these thoughts must’ve all been hidden somewhere in my head and I just need to get them all out. Even if some of them don’t make sense and some of them probably contradict each other, and if they do, well, then I need to be told that.
“So you don’t wanna be judged for your actions but you wanna be told when they’re wrong?” And that’s Marley picking up on exactly what I was thinking.
“Yes, Marls, I do, because when you all stay quiet and just let me get away with shit, I worry. I lay in bed and worry about what you all think of me, the conversations that must go on behind my back. I wonder if all my sisters-in-law get together and have a bitch fest about Princess Georgia and her latest antics.”
“We do, all the time,” Ash says, straight faced. “We can’t wait for the next Georgia fuck up, because, quite frankly, it makes us three look so perfect.” I tilt my head to the side and smile at her as she winks at me.
“I’m sick of worrying. I’m sick of caring. I’m sick of giving a fuck. I don’t want to do what I think everyone would want me to do. I want to just do what feels right, and if it’s wrong, then I need to learn from that. I need to learn the same way everyone else does, from my mistakes. I just want to be me, just me.”
Cam reaches for my hand. “I love the fuck out of you, Kitten.” He kisses the back of it and despite the fact that we’re sitting in a room filled with my family, my first thought is that I so want him to fuck me. I don’t want to be made love to. I want him to take me to bed and take complete charge. I don’t want to have to think for a second. I want to be told, no, I want to be ordered what to do and I want him to do to me exactly what he wants.
“I fucking love the fuck out of you, too, Tiger.”
“Don’t swear, Georgia, not in front of your mum.”
I let out a long sigh. “I fucking love, the fucking fuck out of you, Tiger.” He gives that little shake of his head and turns to my dad, who, like everyone else in the room, is staring at us with their mouths slightly open.
“D’ya see what I’m up against here, Frank?” My dad’s nodding in answer to Cam. I shrug and roll my eyes. Cameron stands and approaches my dad’s chair. “Look, Frank, I know you don’t want her with me, but we really do need to talk. Would you mind me taking her back to my place with me tonight? We just have so much we need to clear up.”
My dad’s eyes turn to me. I nod at him. We do need to talk. He might love me and I most definitely love him, but we still have the pregnant girlfriend and the press to discuss, but instead of my dad giving his permission, he surprises me by saying, “Georgia’s a grown woman. She can decide for herself whether she wants to go with you or not,” and his response makes me smile.