“Yeah, she did tell me. Have you got pictures? Is he hot?”
“Yeah, he’s hot but it was weird. We just had this connection as soon as we looked at each other, but it wasn’t love; lust maybe, I’m not sure. He just made my heart beat a little faster. He woke it up and I, I don’t know; he was kind and I just, it felt wrong but it felt right, Ash, ya know? How long do I wait? Is there a right amount of time? He’s not Sean, no one will ever replace Sean, but he was there and he wanted to help me. He wanted to make me feel better. Is that wrong? Was I wrong to let him do that?”
“Why would it be wrong, George? I don’t mean to sound harsh, but you’re thirty-two. You still have a whole life in front of you to live, and Sean would want you to go out there and live it for both of ya.”
“But I feel so guilty. It’s horrible Ash; the guilt is almost as painful as the loss and the loneliness.”
I hear her sob. “Please don’t be lonely, George; please don’t. That really hurts to hear you say that. You’ve got all of us, so please don’t ever be lonely.” I can’t control the big fat sob that feels like it’s going to rupture my chest, and I have to let it go. We both just cry for a while. “It’ll be so good to have you home, George. We’re gonna have a proper Christmas this year, since last year was fucked. We just went through the motions for the kids, but this year, we’ll celebrate this year. We’ll celebrate and be thankful for what we’ve got. We’ll remember everything we’ve lost, and we’ll look forward to what next year will bring. Top of the list will be finding you a baby daddy.”
I draw in a deep breath. “I’m thinking of just using a donor.”
“No fuckin’ way, woman. We are gonna find you a man. A smoking hot man who can fertilise them eggs and be around for them babies after. We need a big strong man, someone who can look after you and however many babies you might end up with.”
“It’ll just be one, Ash. I don’t think Jimmie intends doing this more than once for me and for that, I’ll always be grateful. Besides, we don’t even know if it’ll work yet anyway.”
“Then I’ll do it for ya, too. You can’t have just one, George; you need a couple. You need a couple of kids around ya, to keep you busy. I’ll do it. Jimmie can have half the eggs; I’ll have the other half. All we need now is someone with big, strong super sperm, someone like TDH and them big fine muscles of his. I bet his little-boy swimmers already have abs and pecs.” There is something seriously, mentally wrong with me, because the thought of Cam’s sperm has me crossing my legs and clenching everything inside. Ashley is chuckling to herself on the other end of the line. “Seriously, though, George, that fine specimen would be perfect. Have you heard anything from him? Would you know how to get in touch if you wanted to?” My belly goes over and twists in a knot with my guilt.
“I’m not asking TDH to donate sperm, Ash.”
“Why? He’s big and strong, and handsome. He’s TDH, for fuck’s sake, and I like the thought of having a bit of him inside me.”
“Ash, seriously, you are just so wrong sometimes.”
“Yeah, I know, but being wrong always feels so right to me.” We’re both silent for a few seconds. “This is so good, George, hearing you like this; sounding happy, making plans. You’ve really cheered me up. I can’t wait to see Marley’s face when you get home.”
My heart warms at her words. I wish I could forget this club opening and jump on a plane right now and be home with all my family, but then that would mean being in England on December first and I didn’t want that. I wanted to be up in the sky, flying across time zones where no one can find me for the next couple of days.
Ash and I end our call and I decide to try to get an hour of sleep before going out tonight. However, I notice I’ve received a text from Jodie while I was talking to Ash. She’s cancelling on me tonight, saying she has too much on, but she’ll see me when we get there tomorrow night.
I order a bottle of champagne and a burger from room service, text Jackson and tell him I won’t be meeting them for drinks. Instead, I order Blow from the hotel’s film channel. I settle in for the night with my burger, my bubbles and Johnny Depp.
*