We end the call with me promising to let him know as soon as my flights are booked, and in the end, Lennon can’t help but let his control-freakery take over: he decides it will be better for him to book my flights. I’m fine with that; one less thing for me to worry about.
I call Marley next, but I get no answer, so I leave a voice message and tell him I will call later. I try Ash but she’s not answering either. I sit on my bed with my legs crossed and stare down at my phone. I know whose number I want to call. I know whose voice I want to hear, but I’m not entirely sure why. I’ve had this ache inside me; ever since I spoke to Cam on Saturday night, it’s been there, and I’m struggling with it. I’ve just poured my heart out to my brother. I’ve just admitted that I keep going for my family, and because of them, I want to keep going. However, sitting here on my own, staring down at Cam’s number on the screen of the phone in my hand, I can’t do it; I won’t admit a single thing to myself.
I make myself a coffee and bring it back to bed and then I call Jackson; I need a Jackson chat. He’s busy all day, so we arrange to meet down at the bar this evening. I give Marley’s number another try, but this time, his phone’s switched off and not even going to voice mail. I stare down at Cam’s number again for a few seconds. I want to call him, but I need to get my head around why before I speak to him. Brooke comes padding through my bedroom door and gets into bed next to me.
“You smell of sex,” I tell her. I’d just heard her latest casualty begging not to have to leave ten minutes ago. She gives out a long sigh.
“I actually smell of bad sex.”
“Oh, dear,” I reply.
“Yeah, it was shit house, if I’m totally honest, but no worries. He’s gone now, never to be seen again.” I smile as I look at her and shake my head slightly, instantly reminding myself of Cam.
“How was your weekend? How’s Jodie?”
“Yeah, it was okay. The club had a thing for all the staff, sort of like a practice night before the opening. Everyone had to work an hour each; it was cool. The place is amazing.”
“So was Jodie stressed, or did it all run smoothly?”
“Oh, come on. This is Jodie we’re talking about; Ms Control Freak herself. It all ran like clockwork, obviously. She’s just pissed off because the new boyfriend wasn’t there.” My ears prick up. Jodie is the opposite of her younger sister; she’s so focused on her career, she rarely goes out with men, and I don’t think I’ve ever actually known her to have a boyfriend.
“Jodie’s got a boyfriend? Well, that’s a first.”
“Well, he’s not her boyfriend per se. She works with him, and they’ve been out for dinner a couple of times. She likes him and wants more, but by the sound of it, he’s a bit noncommittal and didn’t turn up on Saturday night. But then she tells me, she hadn’t actually asked him if he was gonna be there, she just assumed he would.”
“Why didn’t she just ask him? Surely if they work together, he would’ve known about it?”
“Who knows? I’m not getting involved. She’ll be starting a new project after Christmas and won’t be interested in having a man in her life anyway.” She shrugs as she speaks. “So, you made up your mind yet? You coming down for the opening next weekend? Emily can’t make it, but Jax is coming. You, me, Jax and Jodes, we’ll have a blast.”
My chest tightens and my eyes leak without me actually crying. I push the tears away with the heel of my hand.
“What? What did I say?” Brooke looks up at me from where she’s lying on the bed. She turns over onto her side and pushes herself up on one elbow.
“You know it’s exactly a year on Saturday since I lost Sean and Beau?” Her eyes close, and I can hear the gasp as she takes in air.