My breaths are coming short and shallow, my heart is beating hard in my chest and I can’t take my eyes from his mouth. He brings it closer, smelling of wine and cigarettes. His hand slides around the back of my neck and he closes the distance between our mouths, his lips gently brushing mine. He pulls me up by my arm and I stand; his lips move slightly while his tongue traces along the seam of my mouth but our mouths are still closed and I resist. His hands rest on my hips and he pulls me into him closer, tighter, my boobs pressing against his chest as my arms wrap around his neck. My fingers slide into his hair, and he lets out a little moan as my nails rake his scalp.
A million emotions are racing through me: this is wrong, but it feels so right; this is good, but it should be bad; I want this but I shouldn’t. Then I realise that while I’ve been thinking, my mouth has opened and his tongue is inside, tangling with mine. He grinds against me. I can feel his erection pushing through the thin material of his shorts and want, need and desire rush through me. From where? I don’t know. I’ve not felt a thing for almost a year. Nothing, and yet instantly, it’s back. I’m a woman of thirty-two, and despite the shitty hand life recently dealt me, my appetite for sex has apparently survived. I grip Roman’s hair hard and grind my hips into his.
“Jesus, Georgia, don’t do that, babe; it feels too good.” He kisses my bare shoulder, next to the thin strap of my vest and then up to my neck. His hand slides up my waist and I tuck my elbows tight into my side, blocking its path to my boob, exactly the way I used to when I was fourteen and Sean first started trying to touch them… Sean, Sean, my boy, my beautiful dead boy…
“I can’t; stop, please stop.” The words rush out of me and Roman stops in an instant. I open my eyes and look at him; his eyes are closed and he’s biting down on his bottom lip. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I’m not ready. I can’t give you more.” He nods and opens his eyes. My stomach aches, really low, low down as I register the desire he has in them while looking at me. I shake my head, pleading for his understanding. “I just can’t.”
He nods again. “I understand, George; we’ll take our time, but we’ll get there.” His eyes wander back to my mouth. “We’ll take it slow but we’ll get there. I want to be the one, Georgia. I want to be the one to help you learn to live again. I want to be the one who makes you realise it’s okay to let it all go. I won’t lie, and I won’t make you promises, apart from promising I won’t sell your secrets to the press.” He winks and smiles as he speaks. “I’m only here till February and then I’ll be gone; just give it till then. Follow me, baby, and I’ll make everything right.” He smiles again, referring to the Uncle Kracker song he sung the night before. “Will you give me that?” He bends his knees slightly so we’re eye to eye. “Will you let me try and do that for you?”
I want him to do so much more than that for me right now. Well, physically, I do at least, but mentally? Mentally, I’m still a married woman, desperately in love with and missing her husband. I need him to go; I need to take a shower and get my thoughts straight.
“Georgia, will you give me that? Will you let me help you?” I nod and he kisses me gently on the mouth. “I’m gonna show you and teach you how to just let it all go. Right now, though, right now, I need to go, coz I want to fuck you so bad, so, so bad.” He kisses me once more, then he’s gone, and I’m standing there, alone, my lips feeling bruised and tingly; a delicious ache is between my legs and an all-too-familiar sense of guilt fills my heart.
Chapter Seven
For the next week, Roman does what my mum would call ‘courting’. Basically, we hang out together.
The busy Christmas season is about to start for the town, and there are lots of new staff at Worldies. I sort of feel in the way; they’re all expert at bar work and waiting tables, whereas I’ve never done work like that in my life. I still go in a couple of days, but there’s not really a lot I can do so I spend my time with Roman. We swim, we surf, we go for walks along the nature trails in the surrounding area, and we go for long drives along the coast road on his Harley. During the evening, I usually go with him to whatever pub he plays at and just sit—at the bar or at the side of the stage—and listen.