‘It’s not enough,’ I said, and only after the words had left my tongue did I realise how selfish they sounded.
If the priest was at all shocked, he did well to hide it. ‘When does any of us ever have enough?’ he asked gently. ‘Try not to dwell upon the past, nor on what the future might hold, for those are things beyond your control. Instead be thankful for what you have in the present, and, if you can do that, you will find contentment. I know it.’
I was not entirely convinced, but I nodded nonetheless. Father Erchembald got to his feet, and then without another word he left me. I watched him as he made his way down the knoll, across the timber bridge that led over the stream, towards the fire where, like Serlo and Pons and Turold before him, he found himself suddenly dragged into the dancing-ring, to squeals of delight from the women.
I sat by myself, mulling over his words, eventually coming to the conclusion that, as usual, he was right, though I did not like to admit it. In those days I was ever stubborn, and once I had made up my mind about something, it was difficult to make me change it, as anyone who knew me well would attest. Yet the truth was that I ought to have been happy, for I had more than most men could ever dream of.
Music and laughter floated on the breeze, along with the smell of roasting meat. I heard Leofrun calling my name, asking around the rest of the revellers in case they knew where I had gone.
‘Have you seen him?’ she said, to which they could only shake their heads.
There she stood, silhouetted against the fire, the orange glow playing across her cheeks, biting her lip as she did whenever she was worried. Indeed she cared for me, probably more than I deserved. To say that she was pleasing to look upon was something of an understatement, for she was truly a creature of beauty and I was lucky to have a woman like her. With her tumbling auburn hair, her soft, songful laugh and her firm breasts, there were few girls in all the world who could match her.
Few girls, perhaps, except for one. Try as I might, even after more than a year I could not put her from my mind.
Again I heard Leofrun calling, and whether it was out of guilt or affection or something else, this time I found myself getting to my feet and going to join her.
Three
NOTHING MORE WAS heard or seen of the Welsh in the days that followed. Each morning ?dda and I saddled horses and headed off into the country about Earnford, searching for signs of them: for burnt-out campfires, or tracks where a scouting-band might have passed, or anything else that would have suggested they had been roaming nearby. What I planned to do if we ever found anything I didn’t know, but at the very least it made me feel as though I was making myself useful.
Even after a year I hadn’t grown entirely comfortable with the duties that came with being a lord, as Father Erchembald knew well. I was much happier in the saddle, with my scabbard and knife-sheath buckled to my belt and my shield resting upon my back. It was how I had spent most of the past thirteen years, and it was how I meant to spend the next thirteen at least. Some lords, once they had acquired manors and wealth and servants and retainers, forgot how to wield a blade or lead the charge. Instead they grew fat on rich food and ale, barely leaving their halls or seeing anything of the world beyond the bounds of their estates. I was determined not to follow that path, and that was why, day after day, I rose at the break of dawn, donned my helmet and jerkin of leather, and rode out into the wilds.
Yet for all the time we spent scouring those same hills, those same woods, we never saw any sign of the enemy. Clearly Rhiwallon, their so-called king, must have thought the better of sending another expedition against us. Perhaps by now he’d heard the tale of how I had dealt with the last raiding-band, or perhaps not. Either way, he had made the right choice, for I’d resolved that the next time he thought to threaten my manor, I would not be so forgiving. Next time I would not leave even one man alive. I told ?dda as much as we were riding back from one of our morning expeditions.
‘And if you’re not here, lord, what then?’
‘What do you mean?’ I asked, frowning, for it seemed to me there was a barb hidden in his words.
‘When you and your men are called away to serve your king, to join his wars, who will defend us?’