Jules looks at me warily, as if she should be worried about feeling the way she does about not wanting to remember. I wrap my arms around her and tug her closer to me.
“It’s okay to feel that way,” I tell her. “I’m sure it’s normal to be scared of remembering the unknown.” I clear my throat and force the next words out through a thick throat. “But if you want to try therapy, I want you to know I’ll support you. And if you prefer for me not to be there but would like someone to be, you can always ask Ella or Mom.”
Her head hits my chest and she snuggles against me. I soak up the feeling and hope I’ll always have it, no matter what she decides.
“Thank you,” she whispers against my chest.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come to your appointment with you tomorrow? I don’t like you going alone.”
She shakes her head then says, “No. You’ve missed too much work for me lately. I’ll be okay.”
I tip her chin up until she’s looking at me. “If at any point you change your mind, call me.”
“I will.”
We stand there for several moments, just holding each other, when something hits my boot. Looking down, I spot Goodie in his ball. I pull back from Jules with a frown and look into the living room, expecting to see Aria close by. When I don’t, I bend down and pick up the ball. Jules and I share a look as we leave the kitchen. Hearing sniffles coming from the hallway, I head toward Aria’s room with Jules following. What I see has my stomach clenching painfully.
Aria’s on her bed, curled into a ball, stuffed animal clutched tightly in her grasp, crying. A quick look to Jules says the sight isn’t any easier for her. I pass her Goodie’s ball, knowing she’ll safely put him back in his cage, and walk over to Aria. Without a word, I lift her up and deposit her on my lap then lean back against the headboard. Her sniffles and hiccups completely destroy my insides. This precious little girl has always had the ability to pull out my emotions. Whether it be love, mirth, joy, surprise, heartache, or fear. She has a heart of gold, is funny, extremely smart, and kind. Seeing her in so much pain renews my anger for Theo to lava levels.
“Shh….” I rub Aria’s back and try my best to soothe her pain away, but I’m still left feeling so fucking helpless.
Feeling the bed dip, I look over Aria’s head and see Jules sitting down beside us, her watery eyes flickering back and forth between Aria and me.
“I m-miss Daddy,” Aria cries softly.
“I know you do, honey,” I tell her, my voice gruff.
“W-why doesn’t he come see me? Does he n-not miss me t-too? I don’t understand w-why h-he just left. He d-didn’t even say g-goodbye.” The more she talks the louder her cries become.
I pull her in closer and kiss the top of her head. “He misses you, Aria. So much. But he has some issues he has to work through at the moment. I’m sure he’ll call or come see you soon.”
It grates on my nerves to defend Theo, but this is his six-year-old daughter, and I’ll damn near do anything to comfort and reassure her.
“I hate him.” She utters the words so low it takes me a moment to realize what she said. “I hate him for what he did to Jules. But I still love and miss him too.” She lifts her head from my chest and looks at me with red and swollen eyes. My heart feels like it’s in a vise grip and it hurts to pull in air. “Am I bad for hating him?”
I push her damp hair behind her ears and wipe her cheeks. “First, you don’t hate him,” I say softly. “You’re just angry. And you aren’t bad for being angry. It’s normal.”
She nods, and then her eyes move to Jules. She maneuvers herself from my lap and onto hers, her arms going around Jules’s middle and she buries her face against her chest. Thankfully, her cries have quieted down to sniffles. When Jules’s gaze lifts to mine, silent tears track down her face. I can see the tremors running through her body and know she’s fighting against breaking down just as Aria did, but she’s holding herself together for my niece’s sake.
“I wish you and Jules was my mom and dad,” Aria mumbles.
Jules’s chest deflates, and she closes her eyes. I break my gaze away from her and look at Aria. Her head is turned toward me. Using the back of her hand, she wipes her nose as she looks at me with sorrowful eyes.
“You don’t mean that, honey. You’re confused right now. Things will get better in a few days.”
I hope like hell I’m not lying to her.
She pulls her stuffed bear closer to her chest. “I don’t have Mr. Waffles. I left him at home.”
Mr. Waffles is the stuffed giraffe Theo got for Aria a few years ago. She used to tote it around everywhere. Mom’s had to restitch the head on a couple times because she carried it by the neck and has gotten caught on things.
“How about I stop by tomorrow and grab it for you?”
She nods then turns quiet for a while after that, except for the occasional sniffle.
“I’m tired. Can I take my bath now and go to bed?”
I lean over and kiss the top of her head. “I’ll go run the water for you.”
I start off the bed, but stop when Aria says quietly, “I love you, Uncle Luca.”
I close my eyes for a second before turning back to her. “I love you, too, Aria. Never ever forget that. Okay?”
“Okay.”
I get up. Just as I pass over the threshold, I hear Aria softly say, “I love you, Jules.”
Then Jules’s just as soft response. “I love you, too.”
My limbs feel like there’s ten-ton weights hanging from them and my head is pounding as if a set of drums has taken residence inside my skull. I push the uncomfortable feeling away and run Aria’s bath, adding a shit ton of bubbles, hoping it’ll lighten her spirits.
By the time I make it back to her room, both woman and child are asleep.
I SIT MY WEARY ASS down on the couch and stare down at my phone. My jaw aches from clenching my teeth so hard. I fucking hate what I’m getting ready to do, but know it needs to be done. I’m only doing this for Aria because it’s what she deserves.
I bring my phone to life and pull up Theo’s name. I don’t trust myself to talk to him, so it’s our text thread that appears on my screen.
Me: Your daughter misses you. Stop being an asshole and call her.
That’s it. That’s all I can manage. So many more things run through my head that I want to spew at him, but I don’t. Aria doesn’t need to be punished any more than she has been by Theo’s disappearance, and I worry if I say what I really want to say to him, it’ll keep him away from her.
I grab my beer from the end table and take a long pull, then rest it on my knee. If it were up to me, Theo would never see Aria again. He’s been a shit dad, and after what he pulled the other day, it just solidifies my belief that he doesn’t deserve her. I’ll fight tooth and nail to take custody from him, and I know my parents will as well. I’ve already been in contact with a lawyer and have an appointment set up for next week. For Aria’s sake, I wouldn’t push him completely out of her life though. She loves her dad, and I would never take that away from her, no matter how much I want to.
I look up when I spot Jules out the corner of my eye. I smile when I see her sleepy expression. I left her in Aria’s room an hour ago, not wanting to disturb her when she looked so peaceful.
“Hey,” she says with a yawn.
I pat my lap and she walks over. Once she’s close enough, I pull her down so her back is against the arm of the couch and rest my hand on her thigh.
“She still sleeping?” I ask.
“Yeah.”
“How are you doing?”
She thinks for a moment, her lips pursing together. “I want to maim Theo for what he’s putting Aria through, but other than that, I’m okay.”
“I sent him a message,” I tell her quietly, and watch her expression. Her eyes move to mine, but she doesn’t give anything away on how she’s feeling. “As much as I hate the bastard, Aria needs him.”
She smiles bitterly. “I know.”
“I’ll never let him near you again though. I don’t even want his eyes on you.” I need her to know that just because Theo will be in Aria’s life, and more than likely mine, he won’t be in hers.