“I trust you, Dean. I know you’re safe, okay? It wasn’t the disease part that upset me. It was the other part. The way he looked at me…” Her small body shudders. “He was so disgusted. It’s like in that moment, he truly saw me as a whore and he hated me for it.”
The fissure in my heart cracks wide open, sending jagged shards to my gut. Sean should be thanking his lucky stars he’s not here right now. I want to wrap my fingers around his throat and squeeze the life out of him.
“Baby…” I swallow my rage. “Baby, look at me.”
She slowly raises her eyes to mine.
“I don’t give a shit what Sean says, or what he thinks—you didn’t do a goddamn thing to deserve his verbal attack, you got it? You’re not a whore. You’re…” Perfect, I almost say, but I don’t get the chance, because she’s trembling again.
“Then why do I feel like one?” She blinks rapidly, as if she’s trying not to cry. “God. I hate this. I told you, I’m not cut out for casual sex.”
My palms grow damp. I don’t want her to continue. I’m too terrified of what she’s going to say.
“I’m not sure I can do this anymore.”
Fuck.
“It’s too confusing…sleeping with you when we’re not actually together—”
“We’re together,” I bite out.
She startles. “What?”
It feels like someone jammed a handful of gravel in my throat. I gulp through it. “We’re together,” I repeat.
She looks baffled. “We…why?”
“Because we are.” A nonsensical response, but it’s all I’ve got. I don’t want this to end. I can’t explain why, but I just know I don’t want this to fucking end.
“You want…” The groove in her forehead deepens. “You want to be with me?”
My heartbeat grows erratic. I haven’t had a conversation like this with a girl in years. Not since Miranda. But Allie isn’t Miranda. Allie is…she’s…fuck, I can’t make sense of my jumbled thoughts. Except for one. The bone-deep certainty that I can’t let this end.
“Dean?”
I tighten my hold on her, burying my face in the crook of her neck. “I want to be with you,” I mumble. “So that means we’re fucking together, okay?”
Shaky laughter tickles my cheek. “You’re freaking me out right now.”
“I’m freaking myself out.” Groaning, I lift my head and cup her delicate chin with both hands. “Why did you ask Wellsy to call me?”
Allie falters. “Because…” She bites her lip. “Because I wanted you to tell me that Sean is wrong. Because I needed…” She stumbles again, as if she’s as freaked out by this as I am. Her uncertainty only makes me more certain.
I rub my thumb along the seam of her lips, soothing the tiny indentation she made with her teeth. “You want it too. To be with me?”
She’s quiet for so long that I’m nervous again. Then she nods.
“Tell me why,” I say gruffly. “I need to know it’s not just because casual sex makes you feel slutty. That it’s not just because you’re insecure about everything Sean said.”
Allie slowly runs one hand over my cheek. “It’s not.” Her fingertips scrape the bristles of stubble on my jaw. “I want to be with you because it feels right.”
The tension in my chest dissipates, replaced by a strange rush of warmth I couldn’t explain if I tried. We don’t speak after that. Which is equally strange, this long inexplicable silence that doesn’t need to be filled. I release her only so I can peel my sweater off, kick away my jeans. I reach out and click the bedside lamp.
Darkness falls over us. Allie gets under the covers. Without a word, she shifts over so there’s room for me.
I slide in behind her, curling one arm around her slender body and drawing her closer. She makes a contented noise and snuggles her ass to my groin, her back to my chest. Her hair tickles my chin. I fall asleep to the sound of her soft breathing and the steady beating of her heart beneath my palm.
*
Hannah and Garrett are in the small kitchenette when I emerge from Allie’s room the next morning. They’re holding the most ridiculous pink mugs—Wellsy’s has “ALLIE’S BFF!” scrawled on the front in a purple script font. Garrett’s says “HAN-HAN’S BFF!”
I smother a laugh. Why do I get the feeling the custom mugs were Allie’s doing?
Since I expected a cross-examination, I’m not surprised when they attack the moment they notice me.
“What kind of game are you playing with my best friend?”
“I specifically told you to keep your dick away from her, man.”
I follow the aroma of freshly brewed coffee to the narrow counter. It’s not even nine o’clock. I’m not awake enough to have this conversation yet.
Unfortunately, my pointed effort to ignore them has no effect. They keep firing questions at me as I pour myself some coffee.
“How long has this been going on?”
“Why didn’t you fucking tell me?”
“Why didn’t she tell me?”
“This is going to ruin our whole group dynamic, you know.”
“You think so?” Hannah’s attention is on Garrett now. “If it’s just a fling, it probably won’t change anything.”