“You okay, baby?”
I open my eyes to see two sluts standing in my living room, eyeballing me with concern. I wanted to hurt Dani, wanted to hurt her like she did me when I heard she was moving on. But after seeing the pain in her eyes, seeing her break down further than she thought she could ever fall, I felt regret. I feel like a jackass. I grit my teeth. I feel this way because I’m in love with Dani. If I was thinking clearly, I would drag these girls in the back and fuck them, watch them fuck each other and then fuck them again, making them scream my name. But I can’t.
I stand, stomp my way toward the couch and hand one of the girls their purse. “Get out,” I bark, the sight of them angering me.
“But we just got here,” one says, trying to sound flirty. It might have been sexy at the bar, but now it’s repulsive. These girls couldn’t hold a flame to Dani; they’re just trash.
I point to the door. “And now you’re leaving. Get. The. Fuck. Out!” I shout.
“You’re an ass, you know that?” one sneers, slinging her huge-ass purse over her shoulder. She isn’t telling me anything I don’t already know, though.
I grab my beer, which I probably don’t need and walk back down the hall slowly, standing against the wall across from the door that holds a broken Dani. I slide down the wall in defeat, my emotions for this woman killing me from the inside out. I’m damned in destroying us, and I’m incapable of preserving a normal relationship. I’m like a little boy handling a butterfly too roughly, knocking the vibrant-colored dust which makes it unique loose then pulling its wings off one by one, keeping it from being free and making it a prisoner of flight. I reach into my pocket and pull out Dani’s iPod. I don’t know why I kept it. I could buy my own, put better tasting music on it even, but for some reason, every night I find myself listening to it. I put the ear buds in and turn it to “Torn To Pieces” by Pop Evil. The song is more fitting, describing my life so accurately.
I OPEN THE DOOR to find Shadow asleep on the floor across the hall this morning. He looks sweet and at peace when he’s asleep. Looking at him in his cut, tattoos peeking out beneath his shirt, I realize why I can’t have a Prince Charming; I’ve fallen in love with the villain. Living life on the edge and breaking all the rules, I want to find redemption in us. Our love was never meant to happen but awoke by chance. Only time will tell if hope gets us anywhere or if it’s just a word they teach people who are giving up.
Looking him over, the iPod in his hand catches my eye—my iPod. That asshole, I’ve been looking everywhere for that thing. I gently grab it and look it over then look back at Shadow, watching him sleep. His face is soft when he’s asleep. I don’t understand him and I don’t understand us. I heard him yell for those girls to leave last night, but why? He clearly brought them here to make me jealous, to watch my pain. I look down at my iPod and find Justin Timberlake’s ”Not A Bad Thing” and put it on repeat. I sit it back down beside his hand and head toward the kitchen. I want him to know loving me isn’t a harsh reality; it’s an earth shattering high. As hard as it is to accept, Shadow will always be a part of me. He brought out a side of me out that was chained and kept prisoner. I was set free when I met Shadow, released from the throes of detained lies and flown into the dark truth of what lies beneath my surface.
I’m putting my bowl up from breakfast when I hear Shadow groaning as he wakes up from down the hall. He walks in and instantly my body is alive from his presence. He leans against the counter and eyes me with his stormy, blue eyes. I look away, trying to fight the internal battle my body is having with my mind.
“I didn’t sleep with them,” he says roughly, his voice still sleepy. He’s talking about those two girls last night. I knew he didn’t sleep with them, but I won’t say that.
“Congratulations, you saved yourself an STD or two,” I reply condescendingly.
Shadow smirks, but his eyes are held with sorrow. Sorrow from what, us? From me trying to move on with my life?
We sit silently, our bodies screaming to throw ourselves at each other, wanting to make up for the damage we have caused.
“I just wanted to get out, get away from the idea of being a prisoner. Parker seemed nice,” I babble, breaking the silence. There was no way I would have ended up with Parker; being next to Shadow and the way he makes my body come alive confirms that. “I just wanted to talk to someone who didn’t see me as an enemy,” I whisper. Shadow flinches at my words as if I just reached over and slapped him.
He rubs his hands up and down his face as he groans in frustration. His reaction shows me I did exactly that, though. I hurt him. He hurt me, too.