Looking at the reflection in the mirror, all I see is a monster staring at me, an ugly regret looking back. When Jasmine took me in the back room at the strip club last night, all I could see was Dani’s green eyes looking over the shoulder of a complexion that reminded me of my Firefly. I closed my eyes and imagined her laugh, her smile and smart mouth. Then the bitch spoke, and I opened my eyes and saw anything but Dani; I saw a mistake smiling back at me. I pulled my pants up and got the fuck out of there, leaving Bobby behind. I came straight back to the club where I drowned myself in whiskey and cocaine.
Without Dani, my days seem cold and long, waking up to a constant emptiness surrounding my soul. I know I still love Dani, but my head can’t get around if I can trust her or not. I try to numb myself from the truth, but I can’t seem to get over this hurdle of betrayal lingering deep within my fucked-up soul. I look from the sink and see my blue eyes in the mirror. Looking into them, I imagine Dani’s fierce, green ones.
I roar with anger and slam my fist into the mirror. My image of obsession shatters into pieces, falling into the sink. Bursts of stinging and burning fill my hand instantly; I look down and see trails of blood dripping from my hand. I relish the feeling of pain somewhere besides my fucking chest, as the blood reminds me I’m still alive even though I feel like a walking corpse. I want Dani, but I have to know she’s not a threat. Not a sealed fate to prison or death row because once I have her again, there’s no way I can hold back.
I walk into the hall in search of a towel to wrap around my bleeding hand when Bull’s voice stops me.
“So, she got a job, huh?” He pauses; he must be talking about Dani. “That’s great news. You coming back here later? Think we are going to let loose; the brothers could use it after everything that’s been going on.” He pauses again. “How are you guys going to celebrate?”
I’m guessing Bobby’s taking Dani out to congratulate her on getting the job, and the thought pisses me off.
“Well, sounds like fun. Let me talk to her.” He pauses. “Hey, Doll, I heard you got a job. I couldn’t be happier for you. I’ll try and stop by sometime and see you,” he says softly before hanging up.
I round the corner, hoping the act of my eavesdropping isn’t apparent.
“What the fuck happened to your hand?” Bull asks, pointing to my bloodstained hand.
“Nothing,” I respond coldly.
Dani
As soon as we left Of The Ballet, Bobby drove us to get liquor, where I was told I wasn’t allowed to pick because I apparently have shitty taste in alcohol and pick chick drinks. He grabbed two bottles, one amber-colored and another some kind of tequila. We stopped and picked up some take-out before heading back to the apartment. I’m glad fate has decided to finally hand me a stack of cards in my favor. Landing this job may allow me to finally get my life on track and move forward. My chest tightens; the thought of having to move forward without Shadow in the play hurts. I don’t understand how he can just wash his hands of me so easily; did he feel nothing for me? We did fall for each other very quickly. How well can you know someone in that short amount of time?
“Here, take this shot, Firefly.” Bobby hands me a glass of tequila in between scarfing down noodles from my take-out box. We’ve been back at the apartment for about an hour now, and we haven’t stopped drinking since we walked in.
“This is my third one. You remember what happened last time you handed me shot after shot?” I remind him as I throw the fire down my throat. I got so drunk last time, but it was an experience I’ll never forget.
“Yeah, that was some funny shit,” he says, chuckling to himself. “Oh, I got something for you,” Bobby says, moving to his cut slung on the back of the couch.
“Oh, yeah?” I ask excitedly. I follow him toward the couch with a shot in hand.
“To keep you safe,” he says, handing me a sleek, black gun. I set the shot glass on the coffee table and palm the gun, my hand instantly sweating.
“It’s an untraceable pistol, so don’t get caught with it,” he says, smiling. “Here is how you turn the safety off.” He clicks a button on the side and looks at me to see if I understood what he just did. He then pulls the top of it back, making a loud clicking noise. “And this is how you load it,” he instructs, handing it back to me.
“Never aim at someone unless you have every intent of killing them,” he says seriously. “I’ll try and get you to the shooting range to shoot sometime.” He sits back down on the floor where I was sitting moments before.
I eye the gun placed in my hand. It makes me nervous holding it, but I feel powerful with it. I hold another’s fate in my hands with this gun.
I put the safety back on and place the pistol on the counter for now.
“I can’t believe you skipped the party to stay and mingle with my lame ass,” I tell him, downing another shot. I wince from its brutal assault in my throat, gaining a laugh from Bobby.
“Gah, I’m going to regret this in the morning,” I say, smacking my lips. I can feel the numbness creeping up the sides of my mouth from the alcohol, letting me know it is taking effect.
“My mom always had a saying: No regret in life, no fear in love.” His face lights up as he speaks. He holds a shot glass in a toast before tossing the amber liquid back.
“Your mom?” I ask.