I’m sorry for leaving you last night. It was stupid and idiotic and I wish I could take it back.
I tried to convey all this with my eyes, but I wasn’t sure it was doing the job. In fact, I was certain it wasn’t when Sean suddenly looked away, a muscle in his jaw ticking. By the time I brought my attention back to the ceremony it was almost over, and I tried to focus on my brother and Annie for the next few minutes.
They were announced man and wife. They were kissing. Everybody was oohing and aaahing at the loveliness of it all, while I was swept up in a sea of uncertainty.
It felt like Sean was pissed at me.
Was he pissed at me?
I would be pissed at me.
After everything that went down yesterday, it made sense. I suddenly felt sweaty in my dress, as Tom took my arm again and led me outside for pictures. But I pushed thoughts of him from my mind and tried to live in the moment, smiling widely and with feeling.
Basically, my emotions were all over the map. So I allowed myself to float through the wedding pictures, smile and nod during the reception line, make chit-chat with Ronan’s childhood friends and all guests associated with the rugby team. It was surprisingly easy to pretend. And pretending to be happy began to feel like reality every time I caught a glimpse of Ronan and Annie.
They were too cute. Seeing them so much in love, blissful even, was enough to make me swallow back tears of joy.
I didn’t see Sean until the reception dinner, which was held in a hall almost as fancy as where the wedding had been.
I was seated with the wedding party at a long table at the head of the room that faced the other guests. It felt a little like a feast from olden times, where the royals would sit and eat, watching the revelry of their loyal subjects beyond them in the grand hall.
I spotted Sean and his cousin at a table with a few other rugby players and their wives. I didn’t know whether to approach him or just leave him be. All through dinner I glanced at him but never caught his eye.
Once the cake had been cut and passed around, I left the table, making a beeline for the bathroom. It felt like I’d been holding my pee for hours. The wedding band started to play, and lots of couples were taking to the dance floor. I saw Sean rise from his seat with Eilish. It was one of those odd timing things. I didn’t know where everything stood between us and the wedding reception wasn’t the place to hash it out, so I continued on my course to the ladies’ room.
But just as I was passing them he called my name. “Lucy.”
I turned and stared at him. He took Eilish’s arm in his and led her toward me. I watched him as he approached, struck as always by his handsomeness, but also seeing something new. Something more.
Sean was a smart guy. He was wicked talented and funny and, when he wanted to be, was epically sweet. But one of the things about Sean that made him so irresistible to me was how he looked at me.
He looked at me like I was something wonderful. Not odd. Not embarrassing. It took my breath away. And that’s why when he and the redhead stepped in front of me I couldn’t quite speak. I was so lost in him, how he looked at me, how I saw myself reflected in his eyes.
And I hoped he saw something similar when I looked at him.
But then the redhead cleared her throat, drawing my attention to her and her warm smile.
“Hello,” she said.
“Hi,” I replied, still a bit dazed.
She smiled widely. “Forgive my cousin, he’s usually much better with introductions. You must be Lucy?”
“Lucy, this is Eilish. Eilish, this is . . . Lucy,” Sean offered belatedly, his eyes resting on me for another protracted moment and then falling away.
“So, you’re Sean’s well-kept secret, eh? I’m quite annoyed with him to be honest. Today’s the first time I’ve heard anything about you.”
I laughed softly and gave her a wink. “Don’t be put out. Your cousin and I are experts at keeping secrets. It’s lovely to meet you.”
“You, too,” said Eilish, her attention on my chignon. “Sorry. I think I’m obsessed with your hair. It’s kind of amazing.”
I grinned. “Thanks.”
“It is rather,” Sean murmured his agreement.
A moment of silence passed between us. I was taken aback by the warmth in his eyes. During the ceremony he’d seemed aloof. Now his gaze, though still guarded, wandered over me like I was a dish he was eager to taste.
“You look very pretty,” he added, his voice low and gravelly.
Eilish laughed and nudged him with her elbow. “Oh, come on, Sean. You can do better than that. She looks beautiful. Tell her she’s beautiful.”
Sean gave his cousin an indulgent smile before he looked deeply into my eyes. “You’re beautiful, Lucy.”
I trembled, trapped in his gaze until Bryan Leech’s voice broke me from my reverie.
“How’s it going, Cassidy? Has Fitzpatrick cut your balls off yet for sleeping with his little sister?”