“That’s not a very kind thing to say,” I told him in a quiet voice.
His lips formed a frown, confusion diminishing gradually into understanding and concern as he threw down the condom and climbed back onto the bed.
“No, it wasn’t. I’m sorry,” he murmured in apology as he tried to pull the covers away.
I held them tighter and gave him my profile. “You know, maybe we should call it a night.”
“Lucy,” he reached for my hand and, after a bit, I allowed him to take it. He kissed me on the back of my knuckles. “Please look at me.”
I moved just my eyes to his, found him staring at me with a mixture of alarm and sincere regret.
“I am sorry. I think by now you know me well enough to realize I’m terrible at more than just foreplay.”
This earned him a reluctant and suspicious smile. “You’re just trying to get in my pants.”
“Technically, you’re not wearing any, but that’s not why I apologized.” His eyebrows knit in consternation above his cobalt eyes. “It was a completely insensitive thing to say. I am insensitive. But I’d like to be otherwise, with you, if you’ll give me the chance.”
I felt myself melting. He was either a world champion at faking sincerity, or his candor might be the sexiest thing about him, and consequently my ruin.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, and then again, “I’m sorry.”
He lowered his mouth to mine and kissed me once, twice. Before I knew it I forgot my worries as I lost myself in Sean Cassidy again. His hands lowered the covers and roamed my body, resolutely gentle, as though all his movements were mindful. He pulled my thighs around his waist as he picked up the condom and tore the foil with his teeth.
I watched with rapt interest as he rolled it down his shaft then peered at me in question. “How can I make this good for you, Lucy?”
Oh, wow, he really was beautiful. I found myself adrift in his gaze for a second before I came to my senses. “Just . . . don’t hold back.”
He seemed surprised by this and swallowed thickly. The muscles in his arms tensed as he positioned himself and I lost my breath when he pushed into me.
“Oh,” I cried out.
“Should I move?” Sean groaned and began to move before I could answer. His hips thrust back and forth, and he didn’t hold back, just like I’d asked. I felt so small, almost fragile, in comparison to his sheer size and virility.
“You feel incredible,” he said, looking into my eyes. I felt a connection to him, like we truly saw each other in that moment. But then, as though somebody had cut the electricity too soon, he came.
What the hell?
Don’t get me wrong, watching a man as attractive as Sean orgasm was an experience in itself. It was just that things had only gotten started and then they were over.
“Fucking hell,” he swore, burying his face in my neck and shifting to remove the condom, still breathing hard. “Fuck.”
I didn’t know what to say. I’d never had a man finish so quickly before.
“Sorry,” he said, his voice sleepy as he trapped me with his arms and snuggled against me.
I couldn’t speak. I was still too astonished. I mean, we’re talking less than a minute here. I brushed my teeth longer than he’d lasted. And I wasn’t sure whether I should be embarrassed or flattered.
At length, I finally whispered, “Sorry for what?”
Sean remained quiet, and I thought maybe he was too abashed to answer, but then I started to notice his breathing evening out.
He was asleep.
Wow.
Wow!
I chuckled my astonishment, but then frowned and shook my head.
Now I didn’t know whether to laugh or feel hard done by. Then again, he had made me come quite spectacularly with his fingers and tongue, so it wasn’t like he’d left me hanging. And I had told him not to hold back. I just didn’t think he'd take the request quite so literally.
His arms held me to him, his massive body warm and encapsulating me entirely. I lay awake for a few minutes and briefly considered waking him, but in spite of everything, I didn’t want him to leave. It had been a long time since I’d spent the night with a man and I just wanted to enjoy being held, feeling safe and warm. It was nice.
Closing my eyes, I snuggled close to him, and before long I fell asleep, too.
When I woke up Sean was still there, sound asleep, and I was roasting. The heat from his body was lovely but a little overwhelming. As carefully as I could, I extracted myself from his hold without waking him. After paying a quick visit to the bathroom, I threw on some clothes and stepped outside to take a walk. I covered almost the entire grounds of the retreat and then made my way to the dining hall for breakfast.
Armed with a bowl of porridge and some fresh fruit, I went to join Broderick where he sat with Cindy and Lisa.
“Sorry I missed dinner,” I told him. “I wasn’t feeling well.”