The Perfect Homecoming (Pine River #3)

Oh, I’m definitely going. I mean, it’s not like I know when or anything, but trust me, the tires will still be new on the van when the MND people get it.

I also learned that being a Dudley Do-Right is totally exhausting, and the worst of it was that Marisol wasn’t there to help me. You’ve heard about Marisol, right? The hotheaded sexy Latina who happens to be a nurse here in town? For the last two years she’s been bossing me around and changing my diapers and making sure my bed is set at the perfect angle so I can watch my TV shows. And then she had to ruin it all by having a baby and taking maternity leave, and let me tell you, that little stinker Valentina could not have come at a worse time. But do you think Valentina cares how her entry into the world affects me? No way, man. She just cries and curls her hands into little fists and sleeps a lot. I told that little stinker after football season would have worked better for me, but you know how babies and saucy Latinas are—they wait for no one.

So here’s where things get interesting. Get this—my dad didn’t have anyone lined up to take Marisol’s place, even though she’d been pregnant for like two hundred years, and he said something dumb like, looks like it’s you and me, pal, and I said, over my dead body, which my brother, Luke, pointed out is not a good thing to say to Dad, because, you know, he’s going to have to step over my carcass eventually. But I’m not so far gone that I’m going to let my dad change out my tubes and hose me down and other things I won’t mention here because I might vomit. I guess Dad wasn’t too keen, either, because he found this service, and they send these totally hot nurses out once a day to check things out and do all the stuff I am never letting my dad do. They’re great, but they are expensive, and we couldn’t afford for them to be lollygagging around all day long. In other words, I needed someone cheap to hang around in case I couldn’t work the remote, and who should show up but Emma Tyler?

I know, right? Crazy!

But if you’d lived around Pine River for twenty-seven years like I have, you would know just how crazy life has been for all those Tyler women. It started with their dad, Grant Tyler. Here’s the flat-out truth about Grant—he was a cheat and a player. He hooked up with any hoohaw that would admit him entrance, and there were a few. Emma and Libby have different moms, but at least each knew the other was out in the world. Madeline has an altogether different mom, and she was a complete surprise to them. They were to Madeline, too.

That’s not all Grant did. He practically stole Homecoming Ranch from my dad, and then he upped and died and left it to those girls instead of giving it back like he said he would. And he left the ranch in worse shape than when he got it, so it’s not worth as much as is owed on it. So when the sisters all met up in Pine River, they had all these expectations, like they’d really dig each other and could agree on what to do with the property. Anyone who knows women at all could have told them that wasn’t going to happen, at least not the way they thought it would, and long story short, they’re all living up there together trying to get along and figure out what to do with the ranch.

I’m happy to say the Kendricks are out of the running. I mean, sort of. Luke is going to marry Madeline, so he’ll have one foot in and one foot out. But me and Dad? We like it in town.

So aaaanyway, Emma was the last one to come into the fold, and I swear I am not lying when I say it was obvious from day one that she had a thing for me. I mean, she kept coming around and hanging out even before Marisol had her baby. I mentioned this to Luke once. I said, “Emma is totally hot for me,” and Luke said I was taking too many pain pills again, because no way would a woman as kick-ass gorgeous as Emma Tyler have a thing for me. He hypothesized that she was bored in Pine River and didn’t have anything better to do, to which I replied with some ideas that are not G-rated, and I begged Dad to throw something at Luke’s fat head, but as usual, Dad refused to participate in “you-boys-and-your-shenanigans” business.

Joke’s on Luke, because it turned out I was totally right. I mean, who was first in line to hang out with me when Marisol had her baby?

Yep, Emma Tyler. Good—you’re keeping up.

Dad said, “Look, Emma, we can’t pay you anything,” and she said, “I don’t care,” which totally proves my point, because why would she come to this dump if she wasn’t getting paid? But she started coming around every day, showing up at noon, staying until at least four, sometimes a lot later. Contrary to what everyone thinks (well, Madeline thinks), she’s really nice. But she is a little weird.