The Perfect Homecoming (Pine River #3)

He shrugged a little. “It was too late for him, but not for me. I’ve changed, Emma. Seeing Derek, hearing him—it made me realize that you do the same thing he does. And I realized I can’t make you change, either.”


Her racing heart began to slow with dread. “I know,” she admitted. “I’m hard and flinty, I get that.”

“Hard and what?” he asked when she dipped backward as two men edged into their space. They were moving, shifting out of that tiny dining area and back into the living room.

“Flinty,” she said.

Cooper shook his head. “I don’t know about that, but what I am trying to say is that I realized Derek uses disappointment as a crutch. He was disappointed in Dad, so he acted out. He doesn’t want to disappoint Mom, so he takes off. I didn’t fully get it until he actually said that. But you know what was so ironic? Those were almost the same words you used. He was so scared of disappointing Mom he couldn’t stay, he had to leave. He didn’t even try. And neither did you, Emma.”

All the warmth and happiness at seeing Cooper had now bled out of Emma. He hadn’t come here to forgive her, he’d come here to get things off his chest. Today, of all days. She glanced down, away from those eyes, and took a step backward to allow one of the Methodist ladies to pass into the kitchen with an empty tray. “I understand,” she said low.

“Derek doesn’t know what he is capable of if he doesn’t try.”

That brought her head up. “You’re right,” she said. “Same goes for me. But I want to try.”

Cooper looked as if he wanted to believe her. But he also looked skeptical.

This, Emma thought, was one of those famous make-or-break moments Leo liked to talk about in his analysis of the Broncos season. How many times had she heard him say it on Sunday afternoons? This is a make-or-break moment, Emma. Gotta make it here or hang it up—the game is over. Emma reached for Cooper’s hand and took it between both of hers. “Cooper Jessup, I think I love you.”

Cooper blinked with surprise.

“I know, I know, it surprised me, too. I have thought all this time that it wasn’t in me, that I was missing some gene that allowed me to feel that way. That I can’t do ordinary relationship things, like fall in love and yearn to touch someone.”

“Emma—”

“What, am I saying too much after all that’s happened? I’m sorry if I am, but if I don’t say it now, I never will. You . . . you don’t have to love me back.” If he didn’t, she would be completely crushed. “Actually, I’ll be surprised if you do, because I really am hard and flinty, Cooper. I know that I am. I’ve never been able to be one of the gang. I say the wrong things, and most of the time I’m okay with that. But you’re right—there is more to me than that. I really do care, even if I don’t look it. It took you to make me see it. And for that, I love you. For a lot of other stuff, too, but for that. And I have to say it. Before you go, I have to tell you what you are to me.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Cooper said. “I’m a little skeptical, to be honest.”

“Believe me, Cooper. I’m telling you the truth. Look,” she said, and suddenly dug out a necklace that she’d tucked into her bra. She held it out to him. On a long chain was the compass Leo had given her, and Cooper’s St. Christopher medal. She’d had Tag weld them both onto the chain so she could wear them always, keep the two men she loved, closest to her heart.

Cooper looked at it, confused. “A compass?”

“I got this from Leo,” she said. “He gave it to me. He told me—” How mortifying that the tears would come at this crucial moment. She’d turned into a regular waterworks display in the last week. Emma swiped at one that fell down her cheek now. “After you left, Leo said I needed to stop thinking about the past and find calm water so I can get to a safe shore. He gave this to me so I could find it. But Cooper, I was already there. My calm water was right here, with you,” she said, touching the St. Christopher. “It was here in Pine River and that stupid, useless ranch, and with sisters I never knew. And you? You are my safe shore! You know what I am, and you still care about me. You! A man who is handsome and smart and accomplished and stubborn and demanding—”

“Demanding?”