“He did,” he said. “I told him I appreciated him asking me, unlike Cane who basically called and said, ‘I’m marrying your daughter.’” Dad laughed into the phone. “Those two are a godsend for me. They’re both good guys and they take care of my girls. They’d take a bullet for you and I respect that.”
I couldn’t respond without sounding like a complete fool. I knew I’d start sobbing and I didn’t want that. Dad never knew how to react when we got all gooey and emotional, so I tried not to put him in that position.
I bit back my tears. “They would. But we knew how to pick them. We had you.”
“Ah, baby,” he sighed. “If you want to go to dinner, just come by. I’ll be here for a while. If not, I’ll see you soon, okay?”
“Alright. Talk to you soon.”
I tossed my phone in my bag, grabbed my keys, and closed the car door behind me. I walked through the gravel, tugging my sweatshirt against my skin and started the trek up the mountain.
It was such a peaceful day and it really reflected my mood. I felt so at peace with everything. There was just one thing I wanted to do and I wanted to do it at the top.
I walked up and up, relishing every beautiful thing I passed. I felt calm, unhurried, like my soul was smiling. I laughed out loud at the thought, breaking through the quiet.
I reached the top and sat on the crushed granite, wincing a little as the hard rocks bit into my behind. I took a deep breath and fingered the orchid necklace around my neck. I’d never worn it before, never could bring myself to wear it. But that morning we had climbed into Max’s truck to go to the courthouse and I asked him to wait, just as he was turning the truck on. I jogged back in the house, dug out the box, and placed the necklace around my neck.
It just felt right. She always wore it as a reminder of me and I wanted a reminder of her as I started the next stage of my life.
“Hey, Mom,” I said into the air, wondering if she could hear me. I always felt like she could up there. She was a hiker, like me, and Pinnacle Peak was her favorite trail, too. Something about being on the same paths she hiked, seeing the same sights, yet different, made me feel close to her. “It’s been awhile since I talked to you, right?”
I watched a cloud billow by, thinking it looked like a giant marshmallow.
“Remember when you used to make us hot chocolate and fill half the cup with marshmallows?” I smiled, pointing to the sky. “That cloud looks like one.”
I laughed at my own actions and blew out a breath. “I just need to feel you today, Mom.” I choked up, fighting back tears, my voice breaking. “I got a marriage license today.” The tears overflowed my lids, stinging my cool cheeks with hot tears. “His name is Max and he’s so great, Mom.”
My chest bounced with the force of my sobs. “He’s kind and loyal and gorgeous. Dad says you’d like him. I’d give anything for you to meet him.”
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands, sniffling. “I told Max’s mom to just plan the wedding. She’s really nice and she’s having a lot of fun with it. I know I should want to do that,” I said, the tears building up again, “but how can I do that without you?”
I buried my head in my heads and bawled. I cried for every memory I couldn’t remember anymore. I cried that I could barely remember the sound of her voice. I sobbed because I felt cheated in life by not having her to give me advice and tell me what to do.
“I’m getting married and all I want is for you to be there! I want to go pick out dresses with you. I want to fight over the number of my bridesmaids like in Steel Magnolias!” I said, referencing her favorite movie. “I just need you right now. . . .”
The clouds broke open and the sun peered through, allowing a beautiful stream of sunlight to land on the base of the mountain. I gazed up and smiled, feeling the warmth on my face and allowed it to dry my tears.
“I’ve mastered your spaghetti sauce,” I said, rubbing the charm dangling from my neck. “And Max got an orchid tattoo because I have one and he knows what it means to me . . .”
I took a deep breath before continuing. “I’ll try not to wait as long next time to get up here to talk to you. I just . . . I needed you today. Just watch over me, please, and try to keep me from messing up my life. I know you watch me, I can feel you. And I know that my baby is up there with you and you’re taking care of him or her.”
My heart clenched at the thought that I didn’t even know if it was a boy or a girl.
“Sing it that song you used to sing for me, about a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck, okay? And let him or her know that I love them so much. I love you both.”
I struggled to stand, my vision blurry with tears. I blew two kisses towards the sky and started the descent to my car.
MAX