“What are we doing today? The orchid we talked about?”
I nodded again, knowing I needed to speak but my mouth seemed too dry. From the moment I knew how things were going to end, I knew I wanted something to symbolize what was, what had been, and what would always be a part of me; the orchid was the first thing that crossed my mind and the only thing that ever felt right. But standing in front of Jett, I suddenly felt like passing out. Not as much from the physical pain that would surely be inflicted in a matter of minutes, but more from the emotional pain that would undoubtedly rise with it.
I touched the ink on my hip instinctively. The orchid was the symbol my mother had worn around her neck for the date of my birth. I wanted something to honor what the month of October should have meant to me in the same way. If only things hadn’t gone wrong.
I gazed back inside the box to the wrinkled sheet of paper. It had been folded and unfolded so many times, balled up and then pressed back out more than once. Tears stained the ink, the blue writing faded in the spots where my sadness had spilled over my lids and onto the words.
I didn’t touch it. I didn’t have to read it to know what it said. I’d read and re-read it so many times, usually in the middle of the night when my soul hurt so badly that I needed some sort of connection to the person I was before. Sadly or strangely, maybe both, I found it in a letter that was never sent and a picture that was placed carefully beneath it.
Movement in the doorway caught my attention and pulled me back from the trip down memory lane. Max was watching me, his arms stretched overhead and grasping the doorframe. His hair was a mess, his chest and feet bare.
“What ‘cha doing up so early?” he asked, yawning.
“Couldn’t sleep.”
He padded his way across the tile and stood next to me. He bent down and kissed the top of my head. “What’s all this?”
I let the necklace collapse into my hand. “A box of things I’ve kept over the years. It got mixed with Jada’s stuff somehow. She gave it back to me last night.
Max picked up one of the tapes. “Mix Up Radio?”
“Didn’t you record stuff off the radio when you were a kid?”
“Uh, no, sweetheart. I didn’t,” he laughed.
“Well, every girl my age did that at some point. You’d listen to the radio and have your cassette in your tape player, ready to go. When a song would come on that you loved, you’d click the record button. Then you’d have a tape full of your favorite songs.”
“How resourceful.”
I laughed.
“So what would be on here?” he asked.
“I don’t know. Boys II Men, probably. TLC. Maybe some Salt N Pepa if we’re lucky.”
“No George Strait?” he asked, wincing.
“George Michael, possibly.”
He sat the tape back on the table. “What else is in here?”
I scrambled to put the tapes and hankie back in the box, covering the things below. “Nothing, really. I was just trying to keep busy and not wake you up.” I closed the lid, earning a puzzled look from Max. “Want some hot chocolate?” I asked, trying to take the attention off me and the box.
He rolled his eyes. “I’ll grab some tea.”
“Have you made anything in the Keurig yet?”
“Of course,” he laughed. “All the damn time.”
“Sure you have.” I realized that the necklace was still in my hand. I studied it a little longer. The purple had begun to fade around the edges of the metal.
Max touched the chain in my hand. “What’s this?”
“This was my mother’s necklace. My father gave it to her the day I was born. It’s an orchid, the flower of the month for October.”
His eyes softened and he pulled me into his side. “For your birthday, October 1st,” he said, thinking he had it all figured out. “It’s very pretty. I bet she loved it.”
“She always wore it. And she had a bracelet for March that he got her when Jada was born.” I forced a swallow. “Dad got her a ring with a lily for the baby she was carrying when she died. He buried her with it.”
Max kissed the top of my head, letting me have a moment to get myself together.
“I could never wear this, but having it means a lot to me. Just knowing that she wore it and thought of me and now I look at it and think of her . . .” I blushed. “That sounded dumb, didn’t it?”
“Nah, sweetheart, it didn’t. And it explains the orchid tattoo on your hip. I never knew that it meant something like that to you.”
If he only knew . . .
I lifted the lid to the box again and sat the necklace back inside before closing it. “This is a little too much for six in the morning.”
He brought his forehead down to mine. “She’d be proud of you, ya know.”
“I hope so.”
“Oh, I know so. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever known.”
KARI