The One In My Heart

Bennett looked into my eyes. “Can I knock you up for real?”


My heart thudded. It shocked me how much I wanted to say yes. If I were pregnant, of course we’d have to get married. And who wouldn’t want to get married if marriage consisted mainly of hot sex, pancake breakfasts, and lunches in Chinatown?

“That’s the nuclear option. That’s for when the world finds out that Moira was actually your father’s mistress and your mother’s half sister.”

Bennett shook his head, a reluctant smile curving his lips. “Is there a slightly-short-of-nuclear option?”

I bit the inside of my cheek. Would I sound too crazy? Like, batshit insane?

“You have an idea,” he said. “Let’s hear it.”

“I’m already having second thoughts.”

“Let’s hear it anyway.”

I threw caution to the wind. “Next to a baby, the second-most-effective diversionary tactic is a wedding.”

Bennett sat up straighter, his expression that of a lost traveler in the desert, unsure whether he was seeing a real oasis or a mirage. “Keep talking.”

Something in his eyes made me almost reluctant to say, “But we’re not going to do that, because it’s too unhinged even for us.”

“Then what are we going to do?”

His shoulders slumped: He was disappointed that we wouldn’t be staging a wedding. My heart melted into a puddle—could there ever be a better feeling in the world?

“We can do a fake engagement. You say you already have a ring picked out. If that’s the case, we can announce it at Zelda’s party—and that should preempt any other topic.”

He might not have shown me any ring. But at this point, I was willing to bet a month’s salary that such a thing existed. That he had again been telling the truth under the guise of plausible deniability.

He looked a little stunned. “You’re willing to go that far?”

Doubt wedged into my happiness. He wasn’t saying that the idea was demented, was he? “It’s a lot less drastic than having your baby,” I said, hanging on to my own plausible deniability.

He was silent for moment. Then he reached across the table and took my hands. “That’s a wonderful idea. Thank you.”

Did I blush? And could he tell, from his grip on my wrists, how fast my heart was racing? “That’s a plan then.”

We looked at each other and laughed at the same time. “God, it’s nuts,” I said.

“Hey, crazy situations demand crazy solutions,” he replied. “Thanks for rising to the occasion.”

He was glad. I could feel the contentment wrapped around us like a force field as we walked hand in hand to Broadway and 50th. Before I headed down into the station to catch the 1 train uptown, I laid my hand on the lapel of his coat. “Look after yourself.”

He kissed me on my cheek. “I’ll be just fine, now that we’re engaged.”

It was very possible that I floated all the way to the university, my feet a few inches off the ground.





Chapter 14





I DIDN’T STAY IN THE lab long: After an hour of bumbling inattention, I decided I’d better leave before I botched an experiment or lost valuable data.

On the train home my head swam with visions of Bennett and me as a companionable older couple: cycling along the winding country lanes of Vermont during peak foliage; strolling down a decked-out Madison Avenue at Christmas; doing the Sunday crossword puzzle together before a roaring fire while a blizzard plowed through the city.

Truly, a montage worthy of an AARP commercial.

I waltzed into the house. Zelda rushed up from her studio to meet me. But as she saw me, the anxiety on her face turned into puzzlement. “You don’t seem particularly upset, darling.”

Belatedly I realized that I’d been whistling. Rearranging my features into what I hoped was a more serious expression, I answered, “Well, you know, what’s there to do but wait for the whole thing to blow over?”

“True, true. But I don’t know…you don’t even seem shocked about him and Moira McAllister.”

I took off my coat and hung it up. “Oh, that I’ve known for a while. It floored me in the beginning, but it wasn’t as if we had no inkling of the ‘unsuitable older woman’ in his past.”

“I thought that meant a ten-year age difference. Moira McAllister was close to my age.”

I sighed. On the one hand, Moira taking up with a sixteen-year-old would always be problematic for me. On the other hand, it had been a significant long-term relationship for both of them, with all the joys and difficulties of any romantic partnership that lasts beyond the initial infatuation—and that shouldn’t be reduced to a one-dimensional portrayal of a cougar and her boy toy. “Well, if the situation had been less shocking, his father probably wouldn’t have disowned him.”

“There’s that, I suppose,” said Zelda. “So…will he still come for the party tomorrow?”

“As far as I know.”