Tom Cat’s funeral was beautiful, but sad. I think Lip took it the hardest. He lost a loyal brother to one he can’t stand. Tom’s casket was draped with his leather cut before the service, and it was hard to see. Bull walking up to the casket and whispering he was a true brother, and he’d see him on the other side, before thumping his knuckles on the casket… was even harder. The song “Last Ride” by Wiz Khalifa played and made everyone bawl into a fit of sobs. Dani picked the song, and I think I may slap her for playing something so perfect yet so sad at the same time.
I set an empty glass into the sink and slowly head out of the kitchen. My side is killing me from where I was shot, but I won’t dare leave because of the pain. Clubs from all around are here to pay their respects, and it’s beautiful, really. People passing us on the sidewalks and in cars look at us like we’re monsters living on rage and fury, but when you get past that stereotypical bullshit, we’re family. We have each other’s backs and love one another just like any other family. To a lot of men, this is all they have. Some returning back from serving their country and needing that family they lost while they were away, or some who grew up on the wrong side and need guidance—we accept them all. I love being a part of something so great, because I know as well as anyone that sometimes people just need a second go at trying one of the hardest things there is to master: life.
“Piper, wait for me!” Zane hollers after Piper as they run across the room. I smirk; Zane is going to be such a player.
Dani walks past me and I stop her. “Have you seen Lip?” I haven’t seen him since we got back.
“I saw him heading down the hallway earlier,” Dani tells me. I nod and head down the hallway in search of him. Him getting Piper for me is something I will forever owe him for. But since I’ve been out of the hospital, he’s been somewhat distant, like he doesn’t know what he wants. Or maybe it’s just Tom Cat’s death weighing heavily on him, I’m not sure.
Slowly opening our door, I find Lip sitting on the bed, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Crying. To see such a strong man crying, it cuts me. Should I go in, or leave him be? I step in, deciding to comfort him. After the many times he was there when I was crying, this is my chance to repay that favor. He looks up and wipes at his face.
“I’ll be out in a minute,” he croaks, his voice heavy with sorrow.
I sit on the bed and grab his hand. His bloodshot eyes shoot to mine, and I frown. I hate seeing him so broken.
“You okay?”
Lip’s body eases, his tense shoulders sagging.
“No, I’m not. My flesh and blood killed one of my own.” Lip shakes his head, a tear slipping down his tanned cheek. As much as it hurts to see him like this, it kind of turns me on to see him so vulnerable, too.
“It’s not your fault, Lip,” I state.
Lip scoffs. “I shouldn’t have let him go out there.”
“Could you have really stopped him? He knew what he was doing, Lip,” I try to assure.
“Probably not; his ass was stubborn.” Lip chuckles, wiping his cheeks. He smirks and squeezes my hand.
“How are you and Piper settling in?” he questions, changing the subject.
I shrug. “Good, I guess. I think I’m going to stay with my brother for a while. He really wants some time with Piper and I can’t leave her side. Not right now,” I explain, a piece of me wanting Lip to object. It would put my fear of him not wanting Piper in his life aside.
Sitting in silence, I shift uncomfortably.
“Where are we, Lip?” I finally ask, sick of the games. I can’t read his mind, or his body language for that matter.
“I don’t even know.” He shakes his head, and my chest aches.
I nod and stand. “Lip, I care about you, I do. But we don’t know each other, not really. Besides, I have a little girl, and you don’t even like kids.” I take a deep breath. “I won’t give her up, I’m sorry.”
Lip nods, he doesn’t disagree, and doesn’t try to stop me.
“Yeah, I think we just need a moment to decide where the fuck we’re going in all this.” Lip looks down at his hands, and my eyes threaten to spill hot tears. “Tom’s death, you getting your kid back, and I killed my brother. Everything is just happening so fast,” he mutters.
I nearly sob in reaction. I have to get out of here or I’ll lose it.
Lip’s bloodshot eyes glance up at me. “I care about you, Cherry. I do. I just need some time to process shit. I don’t want to hurt you again, and I don’t want you to come back to me because you’re familiar with me. You know?”
I bite my lips together to keep from sobbing and nod. I get what he’s saying, but it doesn’t make it any easier. “I know what you mean,” I mutter, my head lowered to keep from looking at him. I lean down and kiss his cheek, and he grabs at my hand as I walk away.
***