“What?” Cherry follows his gaze. Her eyes widen and her chest rises when she realizes I was sent to hush her. “No,” her bottom lip trembles. I stare back, not wavering.
“I’m afraid so. I couldn’t order the hit on you, Cherry. When I saw you, all I saw was a little girl who started life with an unfair advantage. So, I sent Lip for you. Told him to keep you away from the trailer park, to keep you safe and make you happy. To do whatever was necessary to make you feel at home,” Bull continues. Cherry’s eyes fill with tears again, her face angry as she pins me with a look of betrayal. My mouth goes dry, and I swallow the hard lump forming in my throat.
“I was a job,” she whispers. “I WAS A FUCKING JOB!” she shouts. She turns her head, tears spilling from her eyes. I feel like a fucking tool; nothing in my life has compared to the hurt that’s driving through my chest at this moment. I caused those tears on her face. I’m causing her hurt. Me.
“Try to relax, Cherry. It was for your own good, darlin’,” Bull tries to reason with her, but he obviously doesn’t know Cherry. She glares at him, her expression telling him to fuck off. I’m surprised she isn’t throwing a chair at him—or me, for that matter.
“So, he knew about Piper this whole time?”
“No, we didn’t tell him about Piper. In fact, we told him nothing. He was a prospect at the time. I had Shadow track you, and I told Lip where to find you,” Bull responds.
She shakes her head; her eyes clenched shut. “Why didn’t you just tell me all of this, why make –” She chokes on her words.
“I had my selfish reasons, Cherry,” Bull rasps. “This lifestyle isn’t all rainbows and unicorns, if you haven’t noticed. Everyone has been tested in one way or another in earning a place here.”
“Explain. I deserve to know why you couldn’t just tell me what was going on over the last six years!” she shouts.
Bull’s face hardens. “You were blackmail if that fucker ever broke our agreement,” he spits, his tone not sugarcoating a fucking thing. Cherry winces and closes her eyes again. “It was a win-win for everyone. You were alive and safe, and I had my insurance.” I glare at Bull’s insensitive tone.
“Cherry, I—”
“Don’t,” Cherry interrupts me. She rolls her lips on top of each other and exhales a long, tired breath. I look at Bull, his eyes giving an apologetic look.
“We aren’t even real, Lip. What I feel for you is not even real, is it?” She wipes her eyes and sighs loudly. “We are so done,” she cries.
Hearing her say those words, my heart jumpstarts with panic and my eyes sting. I grit my teeth, angry my emotions are getting the best of me.
“I thought fate sent you to protect me, to care for me, but it was all a lie. The only thing that sent you was the fucking Devil himself.” She points at Bull, and he sighs heavily.
“Cherry, just stop and listen to me,” I demand, my tone harsh.
“We’ll give you kids a minute,” Bull states, he and Shadow pushing away from the table.
As soon as they leave, I pull a chair up next to her and reach for her hand. She pulls away from me and levels me with a look that has my balls shrinking into themselves.
“Cherry,” I coax. She holds a hand up and closes her eyes, turning her head away from me.
I look down at my boots and fumble with my hands. “I’m sorry, babe,” I mutter. I feel like shit. I never wanted to hurt her; I was just following orders. This club is my family, my life. I did what I had to, even if I didn’t like it.
“Don’t call me that,” she snaps through gritted teeth. I slowly lift my head to find her tear-filled eyes solely on me. I’ve seen Cherry cry maybe twice the whole time we’ve been together. To see her beautiful eyes fill with sorrow, it hurts.
“I was a job. A fucking job to you. I fell in love with you, Lip.” She tilts her head to the side, a tear falling from her beautiful eye. “The way you cared for me, showed me affection, did you mean any of it? Or was that part of the job, too? Was any of it real, or did Bull tell you to be that way?”
I draw in a tight breath and run my hand over my head. It’s complicated. I tried not to love Cherry, and I’m still not sure if I am in love with her 100%. Over the years, seeing only her visit me in jail, her face lighting up when she saw me come home, falling into pure ecstasy when I fucked her—she grew on me. But when I told Cherry I loved her, it was because Bull had told me to, and not because I loved her. I know I care about Cherry on some level but I can’t identify my feelings for her. Are they because Bull told me to portray them, or are they real? I’m fucking confused.
“Yes, he told me to care for you, to be a gentleman.”