I twist my hands, shifting the blades buried in his flesh.
He screams and then spews a few indiscernible lines.
My lips begin to quiver. Tears drip from my eyes. I’ve seen what he did to the small creatures. The pain he is about to inflict on me will be beyond comprehension. My arms weaken. “Please,” I say. The word sounds more like a whimper. “Why are you doing this?”
“No!” he shouts. “No, no, no! Choice!”
No choice?
He doesn’t want to kill me.
He didn’t want to kill those creatures.
My arms lose the battle and slap back against the stone over my head. He’s in my face now, his teeth chattering. He’s going to bite me. I can see it in the way his head is turning. He’s going to bite my nose off! But he’s fighting it. Resisting.
“You can stop!” I shout back.
“C—can’t!” His desperation matches my own. I’m shocked to see tears in his eyes, too. He doesn’t want to hurt me. I am him. We are each other. And he’s anything but self-destructive. “Need!”
His mouth opens, baring his teeth just inches from my nose. “Need!” he screams again.
I’m too terrified to speak now. The true pain of Tartarus is about to begin.
“Need…help!”
Help.
The word flashes into my mind.
Help.
I beheld in my dream, that a man came to him, whose name was Help.
I’m not the burdened traveler, I realize. I…am Help. Ull is in the Slough. But how can I help him?
Christian sank in the Slough of Despond because it amplified the burden he carried. The weight of the darkness of his heart overpowered him. I think about the awful things I’ve done. Most…were Ull. The weight on his shoulders must dwarf mine.
Escape from the Slough only came with Help’s aid. Give me thine hand: so he gave him his hand, and he drew him out.
I look at our hands, bound by bone and blood.
The same blood.
The same burdens.
They do not belong to Ull alone. They are ours to bear.
I clench my fingers around Ull’s hands, pulling him closer.
His head snaps back like he’s been slapped in the face. “What are you doing?”
We look at our hands, no longer bound by fingers and bone, but by actual flesh. Our bodies are merging. The sight of it sends him into a panic. He draws away and manages to yank a hand free. But I hold on tightly and catch him around the base of his neck. He grinds his teeth, fighting to pull away, but I can feel his strength fueling my grip.
“What are you doing?” he screams.
“Helping,” I say, pulling his head toward mine.
“Helping!?” His eyes dart up to our merged hands. There is only one hand now. Our hand. I understand his fear. I’m absorbing him. In a sense, I’m killing him the way he was just trying to kill me.
“Ull! Listen to me!” When his eyes meet mine, I instill my voice with the kind of affection my mother once used when I was hurt. “We can’t fight each other anymore. Ninnis divided us. But we are not separate. We aren’t Solomon and Ull. We are Solomon Ull Vincent.”
The use of our last name takes the fight out of him some. “We need each other. We’re weaker without each other.”
He stiffens and is about to argue.
“We are incomplete,” I say. “Intellect without emotion lacks power. Emotion without intellect lacks direction. We need to accept each other. We…need to be I.”
His resistance fades, but I don’t think this should be forced. We have been separated for a long time now and like submitting to the will of Nephil, I think this merger has to be a willing one. This needs to last.
“There are people depending on us,” I say. “Em and Luca.” There’s a reaction, but it’s not strong. Those relationships were formed when his personality was suppressed. “Mom and Dad,” I say. He trembles with emotion. “And Aimee.”
The memory of my birth fills my mind. Aimee holds me in her arms. Her smiling face is all I can see. I hear her voice, “You are a precious boy.” They are some of the most powerful words ever spoken to me. I repeat them, speaking to Ull. “You are a precious boy.”
We cry together, sharing our burdens, and in each other, we find uncommon strength. I feel Ull’s forehead touch mine. His free hand wraps around my neck.
As one, we pull.
6
When I open my eyes, Ull is gone. It’s just me, the gorge and the lake of burning fluid. I’m alone. No, I think, Ull is here.
I am Ull.
Solomon Ull Vincent.
I’m complete. Whole.
I look down and find my strong body returned. The stubble on my face tickles my hand as I rub it. The burden of my past failures still weighs upon me. But the burden is shared now. And bearable, despite being locked in Tartarus. In fact, in some ways I feel better than I have in a long time. There is no conflict in my thoughts. Only unity.
The Last Hunter: Collected Edition (Antarktos Saga #1-5)
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