She looked confused, then accusatory as she said, ‘What, that’s it? I make one mistake and you’re turning your back on me?’
‘You didn’t make a mistake. You knew exactly what you were doing.’
‘And who are you to condemn me for it?’
‘I don’t condemn you. We’re just heading in different directions.’ He wanted to add something else, to offer some words of friendship, but he could think of nothing, and wanted simply to be away from her, from all of this.
‘Go then.’ Her eyes were full of bitterness. ‘Before you’re tainted.’
He nodded, but stopped at the door. ‘I wish you well, Ella, but if I ever see you again I’ll treat you as a threat, and if anyone makes an attempt on my life, I’ll come looking for you. Just so you know where we stand.’
She looked hurt, but she was dangerous now, and unpredictable. It was in her eyes, the deadness of loss replaced by a blinkered determination. He’d seen it in other people plenty of times, had extinguished it often enough, and he didn’t want to be there to see what it made of her. He had to leave now, while there might still be reasons to leave.
He took a cab across town to Dan’s flat and found him cooking something complicated, his gun within easy reach of the chopping board. It made him smile to see Dan, the ultimate postmodern hitman, every move, every outfit and lifestyle choice informed by the books he’d read and the films he’d seen.
There had always been fantasists, of course, but that was the difference with Dan, because he could actually do the business. That was what amused him, knowing that the placing of the gun was an act, a stylistic touch; that Dan wouldn’t have needed it to fight off any would-be assailants.
Lucas looked at the array of chopped ingredients and the meat he was expertly slicing, and said, ‘Expecting company?’
Dan shook his head and said, ‘This is how I relax. Want some?’
‘No, thanks. I’m flying back in a couple of hours.’
‘You’re really going for it?’
‘Yes. No more favors. The old Lucas is dead.’
Dan smiled and said, ‘Lucky for you, mate, he left you all his money.’ Lucas laughed. ‘So, how did she take it?’
‘Oh, you know.’ He stared at Dan’s nimble handiwork with the knife and after a few seconds he said, ‘Help her as far as you can, but take my advice: once this job is done, make your excuses.’
‘Think she’s gonna turn psycho or something?’
‘I don’t know, just a bad feeling. Truth is, it’s probably just me. I’m turning soft.’
Dan smiled again and said, ‘Well, you’re bloody old, mate.’
‘True. So long, Dan. I’ll save a place for you in the rest home.’
‘Reckon they need a cook?’
He walked a short way along the street before hailing a cab for Heathrow. On the way to the airport, he realized he was in a good mood, content, even happy. He’d removed himself from Ella Hatto before any lasting damage had been done and could look upon it all now as a useful reminder of why he wanted no more to do with this closed world.
He wanted to live like other people. In forty-two years he’d had only the briefest taste of what that was like. He didn’t even know if he had the necessary components to live like that, if he was too damaged. But he considered himself lucky, because he had a chance to find out. And as long as he was alive, it was never too late.
Chapter Seventeen
She’d been venturing less into the hotel’s public spaces, and even today she’d waited until they’d called up from the front desk to tell her he was here. He was in the lobby. She hadn’t seen him since that day with Novakovic but he was unmistakable in his black suit and shirt.
‘How’s it going?’
‘Fine, thanks. Let’s go through to the bar.’ She led him through and sat down.
The waiter approached with a smile and she said, ‘Mineral water, please, Malvern. Sparkling. Dan?’
He looked at his watch before saying, ‘I’ll have a Talisker, straight up.’ He smiled at Ella then. He looked too conspicuously attractive for his line of work. ‘Mainly here to say hello, touch base, that sort of thing.’
‘You are a hitman, aren’t you?’ He looked around but she already knew no one was within earshot.
‘That title’s a bit restrictive.’
‘You’ll kill the people I want you to kill?’
‘Oh yeah, no worries. I don’t want you thinking I’m a thug with a gun, that’s all.’
She smiled. ‘I don’t, but speaking of thugs, I need some security, minders.’
‘No you don’t. Minders are for celebrities. Anyway, you’re not in any danger, are you?’
‘I don’t know. I killed Bruno Brodsky. Lucas told me I should start watching my back.’
‘Ah, I wouldn’t worry about that. It’s just his way of saying you should be careful who you kill.’