Dylan wanted to know more—but she didn’t ask. Because if she did, then he’d know she was interested. And she wasn’t sure what exactly it was he wanted from her, or she from him. All she knew for sure was that she’d begun to feel differently about Nick. Like when she’d looked over at him on the couch recently—he was laser focused on the Lakers game, his body jutting slightly right and left with the players. She used to think that was adorable. But since meeting James, she’d feel a small prick of irritation when he did certain things—his quirks had begun to lose some of their charm.
Maybe it was the ring. The heavy oversize diamond that sat on her finger had begun to weigh down their relationship as well. Maybe it was because she knew now that all this was going to be permanent. The way Nick crunched his tortilla chips. The divide between her and her parents since she’d announced the engagement. The way he subtly tried to change her from the person she was to the one he thought she should be. More orderly (she was a self-proclaimed slob), more driven (she still felt a little lost), just more everything. Nick was incredibly decisive—it was actually one of the things she used to find refreshing. All of the other men she’d dated seemed a bit aimless, not unlike Dylan. But Nick had known what he wanted from the beginning. He’d wanted Dylan. And Dylan used to think she wanted a man like Nick.
Until she met James. He changed everything. She liked that he was older, more experienced, more worldly than Nick. And when they finally spoke on the phone, he made her laugh in a way that Nick never had—a laugh that would shake her whole body, a laugh that she would feel deep down in her gut. She quickly realized he could teach her things, show her things, challenge her.
They’d quickly graduated from emailing to texting and soon were in constant communication. Dylan’s dull life suddenly sparkled when she shared with James the bits and pieces of it. She became addicted to their banter, which had become more and more flirtatious. So when he asked her to meet him for a drink, she knew exactly what she was doing. As she pulled on her favorite tank top and skinny jeans, she understood. Once she crossed this line, her life would never be the same.
She couldn’t wait.
They’d met at a bar in Costa Mesa. Dylan sipped tonics with lime and James drank draft beers. They’d thrown darts and competed on the classic pinball machine in back that had flashing lights and a little Ferris wheel that would scoop up the metal ball each time Dylan used the right flipper to send it flying. Dylan teased James that he was so old he’d probably played it as a kid. (He had.) She’d brushed up against him, timidly at first, but as the night wore on, she became bolder. She was rewarded with his hand circling her waist. Rubbing her back. And then finally he pulled her in close for that first kiss, and Dylan arched her toes and tilted her neck so her mouth could easily find his. Dylan would play that moment back in her mind so often that she worried she might be obsessed, like that stalker woman in the Lifetime movie she’d watched. It was hard to explain (and she had no one to explain it to anyway, since no one else knew), but she’d never experienced a kiss like that, both soft and hard at the same time. Both right and wrong. It made her both incredibly happy and horribly confused. The only thing she knew for sure was that she’d do anything to feel that way again.
Dylan had made the short walk down to the pools after she parked the Jeep. She found James as he was coming out of the water, still smiling so wide the corners of his mouth practically touched his eyes.
“You have no idea—the adrenaline rush from that jump was insane. And then I floated in the water for a while; the temperature is perfect.” She’d laid out a picnic on top of two towels she’d snagged from the hotel, and he sat down beside her and popped a piece of salami in his mouth. “I really wish you’d try it too.”
Dylan glanced up at the bridge and held her breath as another person flew over the edge, this time a middle-aged bearded man, his belly jiggling as he jumped. “No, thanks,” she said, and smiled. “I’m good just watching. That makes me nervous enough.”
“You worry too much,” James said.
“Maybe,” Dylan agreed, thinking that James used to worry more too. But now he didn’t seem to care. She used to be proud that she brought out that side of him—she’d feel a slice of satisfaction that she’d prevailed where Jacqueline had failed. But apparently now she was the one holding him back. Maybe the baby would change things.
“You ready to go?” James asked a short while later, after they’d finished the wine (Dylan had sipped lightly, wanting to please James). He’d fed her a piece of banana bread and then drew her to him, leaning her back and kissing her, causing the couple walking by to let out a low whistle. Maybe she’d imagined the shift in his demeanor. She’d pressed him several times to tell her what was on his mind, but he kept brushing her off, telling her it was nothing, seeming annoyed after the third request. That when he’d said that by talk he hadn’t meant about anything serious.
But there was something in his eyes that made her question his words. Had he planned to tell her something important and changed his mind? Finally she gave up and accepted his answer as the truth—that there wasn’t anything to talk about. Even though there were so many things to talk about. But how could she press him to reveal his secrets when she was keeping her own?
James stood up and held out his hand for Dylan to take. They packed up the remains of their picnic and walked to the Jeep.
“Damn it,” James said. “The Jeep was broken into.”
“Oh, shit. My purse was in here.” Dylan looked inside, hoping somehow it was still there. But it wasn’t.
“Are you sure you didn’t take it with you when you set up the picnic? Or into the bathroom?”
Dylan thought hard. She’d been pretty sure she’d left it in the backseat on the floor, underneath a shopping bag. She had thought locking the Jeep would be enough. “I’m almost positive. What about your wallet?”
“I shoved it under my seat before I got out at the bridge,” James said, reaching with his hand and retrieving it. “It’s still here.”
Dylan’s stomach began to hurt. How was she going to get home? She’d have to call her roommates and have one of them overnight her passport. But still, they were supposed to fly back tomorrow. Dylan would need to change her flight too. Would James stay with her? And then her mind flashed to the pregnancy test sitting at the bottom of the bag.
“Come on,” James called out as he headed back toward the pools. “Let’s retrace our steps and ask if anyone saw anything. Then we can call the police.”
Dylan’s head was throbbing an hour later. They’d finally given up and called the police, filing a report over the phone. The officer who answered told Dylan it was quite common for that to happen, making her feel even more stupid. The police said they’d call if it turned up but gave her no confidence that it would.
James took her hand as they climbed into the car. “Don’t worry, belleza. It’s just stuff. It can be replaced.” He’d initially been irritated with her as they searched, but as she became upset when they couldn’t find any trace of her purse, he’d softened, using her special name. She loved when he called her that.
Dylan was exhausted, and that feeling in her gut had not dissipated. She still felt like something wasn’t quite right. “Can we head back to the hotel now?”
“Can we keep going? Finish the drive? We’re so close to the best part of the trip. Just lie back and close your eyes. Stop being so afraid. Let the curves soothe you.” James leaned in and kissed her lips gently. “For me? I really want to see what all the fuss is about with the back road.”
Dylan pointed toward the lowering sun. “But isn’t it safer to drive during the day? It’s going to get dark soon.”
James kissed her again, this time more forcefully. “Do you trust me?”
Dylan met his gaze. For the past several months, they’d led a life that no one else knew about. They’d risked everything to be together. And now she was pregnant with his baby. Did she trust him? The truth was, she absolutely did. She just wasn’t sure that she should.
“Yes,” Dylan said.