“Hmm?” I opened my eyes. I hadn’t been sleeping, but my brain was fuzzy enough not to follow. “Say again?”
“Cassie. I didn’t want to pry as I’ve been keeping things from her, too. But…now I wonder if she was hiding the fact that Patricia was sick along with all the other stuff.”
“What stuff?”
She shrugged, jostling me a little in the small, squished together bus seats. “I think she and Chip have had a rocky time. Some messages they’re back together, others they’re apart again.” She sighed, deflating beside me. “I haven’t been a good friend to her.”
Moving my arm, I looped it over her, forcing her to rearrange before resting her head on me for a pillow. “The fact that you stayed in touch shows you’re a better friend than me.”
“You wouldn’t say that if you knew what I’ve thought about her over the years.”
I chuckled under my breath, halting a cough. “I think I have some idea.”
“Believe me. You don’t.”
“Believe me. I do.” My hands curled, reliving the suffocating rage and stomach-clenching helplessness when Della ran to David. “You’re forgetting I’ve been in love with you for a long time, Della. I just kept it hidden. Just because I didn’t let on, doesn’t mean I wasn’t in pain when I saw you with another boy.”
“I put you through that just a couple of times.” Her voice turned sharp. “Whereas I lived a constant nightmare with you and Cassie.”
I flinched.
I’d wondered when this subject would come up.
For years, I’d felt the strain between Della and me back at Cherry River. At the time, I’d been too blind and stupid to understand that the discord between me and my tiny best friend was Della’s heart breaking. When she was a little girl, it was broken because she thought she’d lost me by having to share me. And as a young woman, it was broken because she fell for me long before she should feel such things.
Kissing her hair, I cuddled her close. “I’m sorry for hurting you, Little Ribbon.”
Her body stiffened in my hold. “You didn’t—”
“I did. Countless times. I was just too clueless to see it.”
She laughed softly. “I was five and you were fifteen when we first met the Wilsons. We couldn’t have been expected to vocalise how we felt when we had no clue ourselves.”
“You have a point, but I’m still sor—”
“Don’t apologise.” She snuggled nearer. “There was no other path we could’ve taken. Our ages don’t make any difference now, but back then, ten years was an ocean apart.”
“It still doesn’t change the fact that I hurt you. Then again, I don’t fully understand why you were jealous.”
“What?” She twisted to look up at me, her eyes a condemning blue. “How could you not understand? I was obscenely jealous.”
“But you should’ve known there was nothing to be jealous about.” I kissed the tip of her nose, braving her temper. “I remember telling you once that you were it for me. No one else ever came close. You’ve had my heart since you could barely say my name.”
“Ugh, and that just makes me feel even more wretched.” Her face fell as she tucked herself back against me. “Did you know Cassie once admitted she was in love with you? On a ride together. It was one of the things that pushed me into kissing you that night.” She winced, a deeper blush working over her skin. “That was the day of my first period. I didn’t have the courage to tell you, but Cassie…she looked after me.”
“She loves you, too, Della.”
“Not the way she loves you.”
It wasn’t news that Cassie was in love with me. I’d seen it—admittedly too late, but by the time I did, I hadn’t slept with her in a long time. And I hadn’t given it any thought because I had Della, and no one else mattered.
But I also understood why this conversation had happened. Della was feeling nervous.
And to be fair, so was I.
Not just because we were about to say goodbye to one of the best women we knew, but because we hadn’t addressed the past.
Bracing myself, I asked, “Did you tell her? About us?”
My heart pounded for her answer, which didn’t make sense as it wasn’t like I wanted to keep our love a secret, but…Cassie wouldn’t understand.
“Are you crazy?” Della shuddered. “That sort of information isn’t something you announce via text.”
“I agree it’s something she needs to hear in person.”
“I know.” She rested her fingertips on my chest. “But it’s even harder because her Mom just died. What sort of people would we be if we hurt her even more when she’s been hurt enough?”
“Honest people.” Staring ahead, I worried just what sort of shit storm we were about to walk into. “You’re my only family, Della, but the Wilsons…they come a close second. We owe them a lot, but don’t think for a minute I won’t tell her. I won’t spare anyone’s feelings from the truth.”
Even as I gave her that assurance, I couldn’t stop the thread of fear.
John Wilson had sent us away for a reason.
That reason being the town had seen Della and me grow up as brother and sister. Did we still run the risk of being separated by Social Services now Della was twenty? Could I still be arrested for keeping her, even though the crime had no doubt been filed with unresolved cases and not on a local cop’s radar anymore?
Della’s tension slowly crept back, chasing the same thoughts I did. “You said you couldn’t go back. Do you think that still stands?”
I wanted to smile and shake my head and tell her not to be so silly. But I couldn’t because I honestly didn’t know. And not knowing was tantamount to danger.
I coughed and closed my eyes. “We made our choice. We’re almost there. Guess we’ll face any consequences together.”
*
My phone was almost out of battery by the time we crossed the town boundary, and memories bombarded me of the last time we were here. The night of panic as I ran down streets and investigated houses, thanks to Della running away.
The night she’d kissed me for the first time.
The night everything changed.
Della weaved her fingers through mine as our boots crunched on the road and our bags creaked on our backs. “The night I kissed you…” She gave me a sad half-smile in the pink light of a new day. “I felt something, Ren. I didn’t quite understand it at the time, but I felt everything when I kissed you.”
Bringing her hand to my lips, I kissed her quick. “You destroyed me that night.”
“Would you have noticed me differently if I hadn’t?”
It was a question I’d asked myself before, and even though I would never know for sure—never fully know if I would’ve continued loving Della the way I was supposed to or if she was always meant to be more—now our lives were entwined, it was hard not to believe all of this wouldn’t have come true anyway. Kiss or no kiss.
“I wouldn’t have been able to keep my hands off you.”
She laughed quietly. “You know, two years ago, you wouldn’t have been able to say that. You would still be hung up on how wrong it was to want me.”
“That’s true.” Looking down the road with only a few more steps separating us from the Wilson’s driveway, I murmured, “But life is too short. Patricia just showed us exactly how short.”
Della’s shoulders rolled in grief. “I can’t believe she’s gone.”
“Me neither.”
“Cassie said the funeral is today.”
I sighed, rubbing the grit from my eyes and exhaustion from my mind. “It’s dawn. We have time to have a quick shower and dress appropriately.”
Not that we had anything appropriate to wear. I didn’t own anything black that wasn’t riddled with holes, and the closest thing Della had to a somber dress was her charcoal-flowered one.
I coughed a little as we traded public road for private driveway. It ought to feel different, stepping back into a place where we’d grown up, but nothing happened.
No bells.
No fanfare.
Just a farm that I knew so well with tractors tucked up in bed and paddocks I’d explored a thousand times before.