It had all the markings of being the longest hour and a half in her life, but a funny thing happened at that Lion’s Club luncheon, something that both astounded Robin and touched her. It wasn’t the Pledge of Allegiance, with Evan saying it louder than any of the Q-tips. Or the invocation. It wasn’t even the singing of the Lion fight song that stirred her, or the surprisingly pleasant conversation with Barbara, who declared Robin’s very expensive Hermès purse inadequate in the compartment department (which it was) and told her about her softball team (the Peerless Pretties). It wasn’t the bland salad or blander chicken, or the amazingly insightful and surprisingly amusing luncheon speech by the local medical examiner.
It was, Robin decided over yellow cake with red, white, and blue icing, the sense of camaraderie, the feeling of belonging. These people gave awards to one another for the most mundane things and little personal accomplishments in their unimportant lives. They asked each other about their loved ones, seemed interested in the details of gout, legal troubles, or softball scores. It was the fierce way in which they pledged allegiance to the flag—so fiercely, one could believe that they would pick up arms in a moment and form a battalion if challenged. It was that they seemed to really care about one another. As Robin watched the members around her trading jokes only they found funny, she felt the strange empty feeling come over her again. She actually envied these people, she realized. She envied their belonging. She wanted to belong. To someone. Something. Anything.
On the flight back to Houston, Evan settled back in his seat and chuckled to himself. “Could you believe that crowd?” he asked with a roll of his eyes. “The Pledge of Allegiance? Shit, I haven’t said that since I was ten!”
Neither had she. Maybe that was what was wrong with people like her and Evan. They had no allegiance.
Evan drifted off to sleep; Robin stared out the window, mulling over the surprising fact that she actually liked Barbara. She even liked ol’ Lou Harvey for reasons that were not completely clear to her, but something about him made her suddenly sentimental. She picked up the phone, dialed her mother’s cell. “Mom? It’s Robin,” she said when her mother answered. “How’s it going?”
Mom sighed. “Hi, honey. Your father isn’t feeling too well. We’re going back to New York tomorrow to see his doctor.”
The news unleashed a dull panic in Robin. “Is he there? Can I talk to him?”
“Sure. He’s right here.”
“Robbie? What are you doing?” Dad asked after a moment.
“How are you, Dad?” she asked, her eyes misting.
“Oh . . . I don’t know. Kind of tired, I guess. Where are you, Minot?”
“We’re on our way back to Houston now,” she said, remembering that she had specifically not told him she was going to Minot, and gave Evan a frown that would have made him wince, had he been awake.
“How did it go?”
“Pretty well. I’m not sure Peerless is who we want, but they seem to have a good solid operation.”
“What did Evan say?”
Robin closed her eyes, tried to swallow the disappointment.
“Pretty much the same thing. I’d let you talk to him, but he’s asleep.”
“Yeah, let him sleep. I’ll see him in New York this week anyway.”
“So how do you feel, Dad?”
“Don’t worry about me, Robbie,” he said gruffly.
But she wanted to worry about him. She wanted to be part of his crisis. “Dad, I’ve been thinking about you, and I—”
“I hope you’ve been thinking about what I said. I hope you have slowed down a little and taken stock of your life.”
“I was going to say that I have been thinking about how you are doing, and I thought maybe I could come to California, or New York, if you are going to be there. You know, spend a little time with you.”
There was a noticeable hesitation; she heard Dad sigh. “No, that’s not a good idea. I may have to have more radiation, and I don’t want you around for that. I’d rather you stay in Houston and find your footing. You need to focus on your issues, not mine.”
His rejection stung and as tears welled, she resented him deeply for it. “Sure. My issues. Gotta whip them into shape.”
“What? Okay, well . . . you and Evan getting along?”
She was too stung to even notice the question, really. “Fine. Just fine.”
“Good. Tell him to call me about Minot when you get to Houston, will you?”
Right. He needed a real report. Not one from someone with issues. “You bet. Hope you get to feeling better. I guess I’ll talk to you later.”
“Yep.”
She had no idea what else to say. “Well then, bye.”
“Bye-bye, baby,” he said, and hung up the phone.
Robin put the airphone back in its cradle and stared blindly at the pale blue sky through the little portal, feeling more lost than ever. Her relationship with her father had never been exactly rosy, but this was just hurtful. Since the astounding news of his cancer and the loss of her job, nothing seemed right anymore, nothing felt right anymore. It was as if she had nothing to lose, nothing to find, that her life was just a series of moments wasting away. In fact, the only thing that was clear to her was that she wanted to see Jake’s smile and feel its warmth wash over her. Now, please.
In California, Aaron put down the cell phone and grinned at Bonnie. “I think we’re seeing some progress, Bon-bon,” he said cheerfully. “I think Robin is seeing Evan again.”
Bonnie frowned lightly, picked up her fork, and stabbed at the pineapple on her plate.