She bit her tongue. Literally—almost clean in two.
“Believe me, there is no one on the face of this earth who is happier to see there isn’t much between you and that jerk. But today I saw that there isn’t, and I’m happy. Do you understand why that’s important to me?”
“Yes. He’s not good enough for you.”
“Wrong. He’s not good enough for you. And I think maybe I never made it very clear that you are too damn good for a man like him.”
Rachel snorted into her wineglass. “No, you never made that clear. Maybe because you were too busy getting across that I was too heavy and too long in school, and too whatever.”
“Yeah,” he said, nodding. “I know I did that and I’m really sorry.”
He could not have shocked her more if he had socked her in the mouth. She peered closely at him, and the unsettling idea that perhaps his prognosis had worsened and now he was going to try and make amends for all the things he’d ever said to her over the years formed in her brain.
But Dad sighed with enough exasperation for her to know that wasn’t it, then suddenly sat up, bracing his arms on his legs so that he could focus on her, his eyes narrowing as he studied her. “Let me get something off my chest, will you? The thing is, Rachel, of my three girls, you are the one who has always had the biggest heart and the biggest dreams. You were always taking in stray animals and lonely little kids, and you’re so damned creative. I’d give my right arm to have a tenth of your natural talent. I’ve always thought that of all my daughters, you had the greatest potential to really be someone.”
Drugs. He was obviously taking some sort of drug cocktail for cancer that was making him crazy. “You’re kidding,” she said flatly.
“Nope. Not kidding,” he said, looking pretty serious. “I have never—never—wanted anything but the very best for you, Rachel. That is the God’s honest truth. Now I know sometimes it didn’t seem that way. I know I harped on you about your weight, but not because I thought you were any less beautiful than your sisters. Because I thought—and I think now—that you are far more beautiful than they are. You have that glow that comes from somewhere inside you. But over the years, I’ve seen you on a path of self-destruction that I couldn’t abide.”
“Oh Dad,” she said, disbelieving, shaking her head at this bizarre conversation.
“And I harped on you about school,” he said, undeterred, “not because I think you don’t deserve to achieve the highest levels of education, but because you were letting that idiot guide your thinking.”
That, unfortunately, was something she could hardly argue, given that she had come to the same conclusion herself several months ago.
“I want you out of school because I know your future is bright and I don’t want you to squander it. You have to seize it, Rachel, and you can’t be afraid to do it. I don’t know why you are—maybe I made you afraid—but if you will just step out into the world, it is yours for the taking,” he said, sweeping his arms wide. “You have everything going for you—looks, brains, sense of humor, a huge heart, an ability to connect with the people most of us can’t tolerate, as you proved to me today—”
“Dad, what has happened to you?” she said. “You’re like someone else entirely!”
“I don’t know,” he said, shrugging lightly. “Maybe I should have gone to therapy a long time ago. Maybe I should have gotten cancer a long time ago, because that sure has made me smarter about some things. But enough of that,” he said, waving his hand dismissively. “What about you? What’s going on in your life? I really, truly want to know,” he said, and looked so sincere that Rachel almost had to pinch herself to see if she wasn’t having one of her very vivid dreams.
“Well,” she said cautiously, “you’re right that I’m not seeing Myron and I haven’t in a long time.”
“Good news.” Dad grinned.
“But he’s remained my friend. Sort of. He was,” she said, feeling terribly confused, and pressed her palm to her forehead. “Actually, I don’t know what he is anymore,” she said truthfully, and considered there had been some sort of cosmic rift in the universe, because she was talking to her dad about Myron. “I really don’t want him around, but I don’t know how to say it. And then there’s Dagne. I know she’s out there, but she’s also genuine,” she said, and went on to talk about Dagne, and school, and the things she had considered for her dissertation, and the topic she thought she might have settled on.