“I didn’t go.” That clearly surprised him; Robin seized the opportunity and took a careful step forward. “You were right. About everything. I realized it when we got to the airport. And then . . . then I just ran. I ran as fast as I could to find you. But you didn’t answer your phone, so I thought you had gone to the coast and I waited. Only then I couldn’t wait anymore, and I found your Mom’s number, and when I got Vickie on the phone, I thought it was you. . . .” A sob lodged in her throat; she looked up at the ceiling tiles, blinking through hot tears. “I thought it was you,” she said slowly, “and it literally sucked the life right out of me.”
“I wish it had been me,” he muttered, looking at Cole again. “But I was wasting that night away, pining for you. Pining for something that was beyond my reach to begin with.” He swung his gaze to Robin, his jaw firmly set. “I appreciate your concern, I really do, but I just can’t afford this anymore, Robin. Look, I gave it my all and it didn’t work out. I’ve accepted that and I’m ready to move on. I have to think of Cole. You need to move on, too, baby. Don’t . . . don’t drag this out and make it harder for us both.”
Man, that sounded like something she would say. Maybe had said at some point. And she stood there, searching his face, but his expression was stony, the set of his jaw unyielding—he honestly looked as if he never wanted to lay eyes on her again. “Please just go.”
God, she had screwed it all up.
She nodded; she let her gaze fall to the blue-and-white linoleum tiles. “Okay. Just one last thing. The thing is, I have already moved on. I already moved out from beneath my shroud, and without that shadow hanging over me, I can see very clearly now that I love you, and I need you, and I want to be with you, however that has to be.”
Jake didn’t respond; she couldn’t bear to look at him, afraid she would beg like a little girl when it was really too late, just as she had feared. “Okay, I’ll go,” she said hoarsely and turned, took a step away from him. But her body stopped, her heart unwilling to give up just yet. “Okay, I’m going,” she said again, trying to will herself to do just that, tears blurring her sight as a curious nurse walked past them. “I’m gonna go, but you know what, Jake? I wish you well, too.”
“Robin—”
“I wish you fields of gold and wildflowers, and clear summer days for baseball. I wish you sweet dreams when you lay your head on your pillow and infinite hope when you wake up. I wish you homemade quilts to lay on when you stargaze, lights in the windows when you come home after a hard day’s work, easy fly balls, and good friends to laugh with.” She heard a rustling behind her, imagined he was walking away again, and closed her eyes. “But most of all I wish you peace, and I wish you love, and I wish that whoever it comes from loves you even a tenth as much I love you, because—”
He startled her by pulling her into his embrace and burying his face in her hair. “Don’t,” he said low. “Don’t do this unless you intend to stay, because I can’t let you go, do you understand?”
“Yes, yes, yes,” she whispered, twisting in his arms, bringing her hand to his face. “I understand.”
“God, Robin, I do need you. Cole and I both need you, but we . . . we can’t bear to lose anymore.”
“I know. I know. Neither can I, Jake.”
“Then promise me,” he said and leaned back to look down at her. “Promise me forever.”
She looked up at the brown eyes shining down at her, eyes filled with tears of grief and hope, and could not imagine even a single day without him. What the hell had taken her so long? She smiled, brushed her thumb beneath his eye. “I promise. Forevermore.”
Epilogue
Upon the conclusion of Jake’s college graduation ceremony, and the reception immediately following, Robin, Jake, and Cole piled into the Chevy Suburban Robin had bought when she sold her Mercedes and drove to the old Victorian house in the Heights that now, they all called home.
As they motored along, Robin singing the wrong lyrics to an upbeat little tune on the radio, they turned onto North Boulevard, and laughed when they drove past the house Robin had sold last fall. The new owners apparently liked her pink flamingos so much they had put several in the front flower beds. The rest were around the pool they had installed in the back, in the exact spot Robin had thought a pool should go. This, Jake and Robin knew from having peeked over the fence one night.