Grant’s face creased in puzzlement. “But why…?” And then understanding dawned, along with a soft smile, almost of wonder. “You want to be honest with them.”
“They’ll pretend,” I promised him. “But I can’t lie to them. I can’t make them so happy about this and then rip it away from them. They’ve worked too hard for me—”
“Lacey!” Grant held up his hand, still smiling. “I’m not objecting. I’m only surprised. I shouldn’t be, though; this is just like you.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “A pretty girl, a head on her shoulders, and now a real sense of family. How do you manage to keep wrong-footing me?”
I leaned back into his shoulder, relaxing. “So you agree to the terms?”
“They sounds simple enough.”
As if anything could be simple with Grant.
“Thank you,” I said, and wrapped my arm around his waist. Purely to help keep my balance as we resumed our stroll, and to present the perfect picture of a happy couple in case any press were lurking in the bushes. Not to feel the ripple of his muscles under my hand, or to pretend that this was all real.
“I would like to give you whatever you want,” he said, not looking at me. Looking instead at the silhouette of the red and green and gold pagoda, its lines and curves the only thing above the trees against the blue sky, as if we had left San Francisco and were walking in a world of our very own.
And I knew what I wanted. Of course I did. I’d had it planned out ever since I was a little girl. College, a career, and a man who loved me—not this man, this entitled, arrogant asshole. But this man could help me get the rest of those things. And it would all be so simple and easy then— If I could just stop wanting Grant too. If I could just stop wanting those strong arms around me, those soft lips on mine. If I could just stop wanting that look, when his stormy blue eyes suddenly turned soft and delighted because I had surprised him—that look, when I could almost convince myself he loved me, not just the challenges I threw his way.
I ached with how much I wanted to just turn to him, right then and there, and tell him how I felt— But sometimes you want things you can’t let yourself have.
FOUR
Kate waved to me from across the workplace cafeteria, and I took my tray and joined her. I could not have been happier to see her face after the morning straight from the Twilight Zone I’d had.
Ever since I’d stepped onto the polished marble floor of Devlin Media Corp., I’d been followed by whispers. Conversations stopped dead the moment I walked into a room, though in a few cases not quickly enough to keep me from catching a few choice tidbits:
She’s obviously just after his money—
--people with lots more experience, is all I’m saying--
With a face like that, it can’t be anything but—
--no way in hell Mr. Devlin would ever settle--
Do you think she actually know what she’s—
--do you think she remembers that time I called her a bitch?
Plus, everyone I worked with was either sucking up to me or treating me like I’d gotten the bubonic plague. But that was in the past. Well, twenty minutes into the past, but still! There was pizza on my tray, there was relief in my heart, and there was Kate sitting opposite me as I set down my lunch, beaming her smile at me just like nothing had changed at all.
“Girl, you look twitchier than a ferret on feed pellets laced with cocaine and espresso,” Kate said the second I sat down. “Show some confidence! Here, have you tried this fig and goat cheese combo? It is delish.”
“I’m not sure about the connection between pizza and confidence,” I said, and took a bite. “And why do I have to be confident right now anyway? It’s lunch. I need a break from being confident at people.”
“Can you at least project an air of confidence?” Kate asked, gesturing with her own slice of pizza to emphasize her point. “Fake it till you make it, girl. You might be on break, but the super-spy surveillance team that is the gossip-mongering harpies of the marketing department never goes on break. And it’s not just them. Literally everyone is watching you. With Grant out on that community service you gave him, you’re the boss by default.”
“Oh God, don’t say things like that. I hate all this attention.” I buried my head in my hands, shutting out all visual confirmation of reality. Oooh, this was nice. Maybe I could stay like this forever. I should invest in some serious real estate in the state of denial; it was fan-fucking-tastic there.
“Get used to it,” Kate said bluntly, and swigged her orange juice with a loud smack of her lips.
“Some friends would be sympathetic to my woes,” I said through my fingers.
“Some friends wouldn’t have turned down a billion dollars,” Kate retorted.
“It was half a million,” I said. “That’s like two hundred times less than what you said.”