“I’ll be out here, keeping an eye out,” he said. His eyes were darting around the gas station, anxious. “It looks normal out there, but I don’t know what’s normal anymore.”
I looked up at Ash, who was looking determined. “Let’s do this.” We both got out of the car and started walking to the mart. My eyes were darting around at the other people but I had to look casual. I couldn’t believe that there was a gas station here, in the middle of nowhere, still operating. I had felt in the past few days that we were the only people left in the universe. It had felt like the world had gone silent.
Ash reached the door first and held it open for me. I walked in, glancing at the man behind the counter. He was reading a magazine and barely gave us a passing look as we walked in. “What are we here for?” Ash hissed at me as I walked through the aisles.
I burned with embarrassment. Having a period is a natural thing, I reminded myself, and it doesn’t stop for anything, even when a third of the population is suddenly bloodthirsty. I didn’t answer him and instead found a box of tampons on the bottom shelf, underneath the Nyquil and Tylenol. I grabbed it, and ignored the amused look on Ash’s face. “Shut up.” My fingers hovered over a box of Midol, and I reached for it. Ibuprofen was not going to be enough for this situation.
“Hey, I didn’t say anything,” he said, quiet laughter in his voice as we walked up the counter. I put both packages in front of the man, who rang them up, not bothering to say anything to the pair of us. I slid the dirty twenty across the slick surface of the counter and took back my change with shaking hands.
As soon as we walked around the mart, I stopped. Ash noticed that I was no longer at his side and turned around to look at me questioningly.
“I have to use the restroom,” I said, trying to put an easy smile on my face.
He nodded. “Okay, I’ll wait for you.”
I went around the side of the building and found the bathroom. It was dingy, dimly lit and extremely dirty. I made a face, wrinkling my nose before remembering that it was the first bathroom that I had seen in days. The novelty of “real” camping and peeing in the woods had lost its appeal almost instantaneously. I peeled my jeans off slowly, folded them and placed them on top of the paper towel dispenser. I removed my underwear, and tossed it in the trash; it was a completely useless pair now. I took care of business quickly and efficiently, as if it were any other day and any other normal period.
I sat down on the toilet after lowering the lid and cradled my head in my hands. I allowed myself to cry for about 30 seconds. They were quiet, desperate sobs. I couldn’t distinguish whether they were real or if my hormones heightened my emotions. It felt stupid to be crying now, but I couldn’t hold them back. I was struggling to hold it together, to keep myself together.
I had never even been camping. I had always lived a cozy, cushy life in my solo brownstone in New York City. Now I was dirty, disgusting, so hungry, tired and now I was on my period. I didn’t know anyone else who would understand that this little extra bit was just the cherry on top of the worst sundae ever. My dad and Ash were tired, hungry and dirty like me, but they didn’t have this. They wouldn’t even have to think of something like, and for the moment, I sort of hated them for that.
I cleared my throat and calmed myself down. I used some scratchy toilet paper to wipe the tears from my cheeks. I took a couple deep breaths, washed my hands, ignoring my reflection in the foggy mirror, and left the restroom.
“Are you okay?” Ash asked, falling into step with me. “You were in there for a while.”
“I’m fine,” I said. “How do you know how long it takes?”
Ash grinned a little. “Don’t tell me you’re going to get all snippy at me now.”
“Oh shut up,” I said, feeling relaxed for a moment.
“I’m going to take that as a yes,” Ash laughed. “Great. Now I don’t have to just worry about an Awakened biting my head off.”
I laughed, surprised at the sound. It had felt like years since I had laughed, genuinely. “Be careful, Ash. I might find you kind of tasty.” I opened the passenger door of the car, noticing that my dad had moved back into the driver’s seat.
He winked at me as I climbed into the backseat. “I always knew you wanted a taste of this.”
My dad looked back and forth between us. “I really don’t even want to know.”
I buckled my seat belt and snuggled into my seat. “Let’s go. We’ve only got eight hours until we reach Mom’s house. We’re almost there.” I felt excited, for the first time, in such a long time, to see my mom and stay in a house with a bed and a shower.