“I don’t know, maybe. She didn’t like my dating Ryan.”
Now Ashley looked angry. “My mom can be a bitch about that too. I was supposed to have a date with this guy I like, but my mom hates him because he’s a mechanic and he’s gotten in trouble before, so we had this big fight. She wouldn’t listen to anything when I tried to tell her about him, just said she was looking out for me.” She laughed. “It’s not about me.”
I didn’t want to get drawn into her life, her problems, but I was curious. “What’s your dad think?”
“He’s always working, so he just lets my mom do whatever she wants.” The bitter tone again.
I felt bad for the kid, but it was none of my business. The whole family sounded screwed up—and her mom sounded like a bully, who probably had no idea how her daughter really felt about her. I started scrubbing the grill again, but Ashley wasn’t ready to end the conversation.
“What did your dad think of Ryan? Did he like him?”
“I think so. He was just scared about how reckless we…” I realized I was about to slip, about to let this kid into my world, into my memories where it was Ryan and me sitting in his truck, sharing a joint, him saying, “Don’t worry about your parents. They’ll see it’s real when we’ve been married for twenty years.” And me thinking I was so tough, such a rebel, I didn’t need them. I had no idea.
Patty popped her head into the kitchen, saw us talking, and gave me a dirty look.
I said to Ashley, “I really need to finish up here.”
Ashley looked disappointed, seeing that a door had closed.
*
The next weekend she followed me out back again when I was on my break. I sat on one of the milk crates and tried to ignore her, focusing on my iced tea, the boats tied up at the dock, their lights glowing on the dark ocean.
“So I went on a date with the guy from my school,” she said. “His name is Aiden.”
I squinted up at her. “I thought you weren’t supposed to be seeing him.”
“I snuck out. We went to a party but I was nervous that my mom would find out and couldn’t really relax and have fun.” She looked angry. “I can’t wait until I’m away at school and can do whatever I want.”
I nodded, understanding. But I also wondered about this boy. Maybe he wasn’t any good for her. Maybe her mom was right. I thought back to my days with Ryan, trying to see it from my mother’s eyes. I probably would’ve worried too. Then I remembered Nicole at that party, sneaking out the back to meet up with a boy. I wondered where he was now, if he ever thought about her. After she died, I’d tried to find the necklace he’d given her, but it wasn’t in her room.
“Was it like that for you?” she said. “When you just wanted to be with Ryan and your parents didn’t like him? I mean, you knew he was a good person, just because he got in a little trouble didn’t make him a bad guy.”
“Sometimes it does mean that, though. You have to be careful. When we were kids, it was different. Drugs are different now, everything’s changed.”
“I heard Ryan’s back in Campbell River.”
Who told her that? I took a sip of my drink, letting the ice bump against my teeth. Ignored her implied question.
“Have you seen him?” Her tone was more tentative now, curious but sensing that she was crossing a line.
“I’m not allowed to associate with him.”
“God, that must be hard.” Her face was awash in tragedy. “You guys were so in love.”
“We were kids. We didn’t know what love was.”
She looked angry. “You don’t mean that. That’s something my mom would say. She hates my boyfriends, always says they’re going to just leave me one day, but not every guy is like that. She just doesn’t want me to leave her.”
“I’ve gotta finish cleaning up the kitchen.” I walked back inside. She followed.
“I’ll help.”
“It’s not your job.”
“I want to.” She paused. “I’m sorry if I upset you, I just think it’s so sad that you guys can never see each other again after everything you went through.”
I was starting to get the feeling the kid liked to torture herself with painful thoughts. I said, “It was sad, but you get through stuff. You have to.”
“I guess…” She was fiddling with the sponge, her face still troubled.
I handed her a pot. “Here, clean this.”