Right before I stood up to take Will’s shoes off, he whispered, “So beautiful.”
My heart jumped to my throat; I slowly walked toward him until I was standing between his legs. He didn’t sit up; he didn’t speak. He just reached his hand out and ran it across my rib cage, playing with the satin between his fingers. I pulled his boots off, then his jeans, then… I was on my knees between his and his hands were in my hair, pushing himself deeper into my mouth. He stood up and simultaneously pulled my face up to his and kissed me hard, then whispered, “I need to be inside you.” He spun me around toward the bed while he pulled my satin shorts off and practically tore off my camisole. He pushed himself inside me aggressively from behind; his hand cupped my breast as his mouth went to my neck. He held me against him, making subtle but strong movements. He eased up for just a moment and mumbled, “You’re mine.”
I whispered “Yes,” but knew it wasn’t a question.
He reached around and pressed his hand into the space just above where he and I connected. The aching was unbearable, the pulsing, then quickening. He whispered, “Come for me,” and I did.
I collapsed onto the bed; Will positioned himself beside me and traced f-holes on my back. “Le Violin de Mia.”
I turned and smiled. “So I’m just a hobby?”
“No, you’re everything.”
“What just happened?” I rolled over on my stomach and propped myself up on my elbows so I could see his face.
“What?” he said playfully.
“That was a little rough.”
His expression turned somber. “Did I hurt you?”
“No.”
“You didn’t like it?”
“No, I loved it.”
He rolled me over onto my back and spent twenty minutes kissing every inch of me. When he got to my stomach he paused. “Are you going to give me lots of babies?” His voice was smooth and wistful.
The sound of a car screeching to a halt played in my mind, or maybe it was a needle being pushed off the record right in the middle of my favorite song. Whatever the case, my body tensed up. I lifted his head to look into his eyes. It was undoubtedly the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me, but it freaked me out.
“Whoa, whoa, buddy, slow down.”
“What?” he said, looking dejected.
“No. I’m sorry, that was really sweet, but there are a few things that should happen before that, don’t you think?” I said it gently, but he still looked crushed.
“I know, Mia; I want to marry you first.” He said it like it should have been obvious to me, but that wasn’t my concern.
I literally had the two most conflicting feelings in that moment. I wanted to have a million of Will’s babies, but at the same time I couldn’t believe that he would expect me to raise him a tribe while he traveled the country on tour.
“Will, don’t you want to see what it’s like to be on tour before you start bringing children into that world?”
He looked completely baffled. “What are you talking about? I’m not going on tour. I turned them down, I thought you knew that.”
“What?” My voice suddenly got high. “Well, then, what were you doing in the studio and where the hell have you been?”
“I gave the song to Sonja, I helped produce it. I’ll still get paid for the writing. I’m so confused. Are you mad?”
“People would die for the opportunity you were given. You won the fucking lottery and you’re gonna throw it all away?”
“If this is about the money, Mia, then I don’t know you at all. You said you were worried about me getting big and forgetting about you, now you’re yelling at me for turning down the deal?”
My jaw dropped. “You turned it down for me? How stupid are you?”
He winced at my words, then his expression turned to anger. “Don’t fucking flatter yourself. I turned it down because I don’t want to be, what did you call it… big and famous? I just want to make music.”
“Oh good, so now you want me to give you lots of babies while you live in my apartment and work for pennies at the Montosh?”
He didn’t say anything; he just narrowed his eyes and slowly shook his head back and forth. I wrapped myself in a blanket and stormed off to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. Falling asleep on the bathroom floor, I thought about the hurtful words I had just spoken. I didn’t apologize because I didn’t know how I was going to move forward with Will. I felt like the earth had shifted on its axis—I was trapped in the gravity of my own mind, spinning out of control. I love him, he loved me. It’s too bad I didn’t believe love was ever enough. Throw love in the pile with faith and destiny and it would pretty much sum up how I felt at the time.