Confusion flashed across her face, “Do you want out?” she half whispered, and I could sense the tension settling over her.
“No, baby. I told you this was forever, and I meant it. It’s just hitting me now, though, how much we are going to have to put into it to make it good. But I need you to know that I want to do the work, I want this to be the best damn thing in our lives.”
She took a moment to process that and I knew when she had, because she let the tension in her body go and she smiled at me. “Me too, J. I tried so hard today not to get mad at you about the phone calls and I’m sorry if it came across like I was trying to keep track of you, because I really wasn’t. I don’t expect you to be there whenever I want you, and I’m not trying to change you.”
“Right. So, tomorrow we make it better. But, I need you to know that this could take some time on my end.”
She laughed. “Yeah, baby, because changing assholey ways is a very time consuming project. You’re just lucky that I’m a patient woman.”
I grinned at her and thanked my lucky fucking stars for her. No other woman would ever come close to her.
Chapter 19
Madison
Friday flew by, and before I knew it, it was the afternoon, and I was waiting at the clubhouse for Serena to arrive. It had been a long and at times hard week, and I was so grateful that Serena was coming to visit. The funeral for Bec and Georgie had been this morning, and it had been tough to sit through. Thinking about the lives that had been needlessly taken, and watching Crystal deal with her loss, was an awful thing to have to do. She was a strong girl, but I worried about her and probably always would. Brooke seemed to be coping well with Crystal, and I surprised myself, but I was happy that they had each other.
After the funeral, J had to do some club work. When I asked him what it was, he got shitty with me and said that I had to trust him, and stop asking those types of questions. This had, of course, led to an argument, because all I had been trying to do was show an interest in what he did. We hadn’t resolved it before he left, so my afternoon had been spent stewing on it.
I checked my watch. It was just after four o’clock and I still hadn’t heard from Serena. I decided I needed some fresh air, so I took myself outside and sat on the hood of J’s Jeep. Going over and over my conversation with him this morning was not helping me; it was just making me angrier about the whole situation. And that was not good for our relationship.
I heard the rumble of a bike, and turned to see J pulling in. He parked his bike and walked towards me, a grim look on his face. “Babe, what are you doing out here by yourself?” he asked, coming to a stop just in front of me, but making no move to kiss me hello.
I slid off the car to put myself closer to him, and put my hand on his chest; our bodies almost touching. “I’ve been thinking about stuff. About you.”
He frowned, “What stuff?”
I took in the way his body tensed up and the irritation that flitted across his face, and knew that this was a conversation he did not want to be having, but I was determined to push him on this. “J, I want to know about things going on in your life. I hate that you won’t talk to me about your work.”
Pulling away from me, he was visibly annoyed now. “Madison, I thought we had agreed not to do this.” There was a warning tone to his voice that I didn’t like.
“We had, but I’m asking you to talk to me about this stuff.”
“Do you trust me? Trust that anything I do is done for a good reason?”
Shit, now he had me. “I do, but - ”
He cut me off, “Either you do, or you don’t, babe.”
“Okay, I do.”
He nodded. “Right, so you need to trust me on this one,” he said, like it was a black and white choice, when it was so far from that for me.
We stood, eyeing each other while I weighed what he had said. Finally, I agreed, “All right, I will.”
“Good,” he muttered, and pulled me to him, wrapping me in his arms. He laid a kiss on the top of my head, and then said, “I love you. Love what you do for me.”
“I love you, too.” And I did. But fuck this was hard; fighting against all my instincts to need to know what he was doing. I just hoped that over time it would get easier, and that we would find a happy middle ground where he would share some things and I would be able to let some things go.
“What time is Serena arriving?” he asked, letting me go and reaching in his jacket for a cigarette.
“I thought she would have been here by now,” I replied.
Lighting his smoke, he suggested, “Why don’t you give her a call while I go in and see Scott. But, I don’t want you out here by yourself so come inside to do it.”
I furrowed my brow. “Why?”
He shook his head, mild frustration crossing his face again. “Just do what I say for once, please.”
I threw up my arms, “Oh, for fuck’s sake. Fine!” I snapped, and started walking towards the clubhouse. I could hear him muttering something under his breath about women and death as he followed me in.