Bec was my best friend growing up. Her father was also a member of the club and we had been inseparable. She was a few years older than me and had always looked out for me. Bec had fallen pregnant at seventeen, and I had helped her look after Georgie when he was born, and later, Crystal. We had been through a lot together and had always sworn that nothing would come between us, but then on that fateful day that changed my life, something had come between us and there had been no going back from it. Bec cut me out of her life and I had had to learn how to live life without the unwavering support of a best friend. Even after Nix had fucked me up she had not checked in on me; she hated me that much. But I had never stopped loving her and my broken heart cracked even more at the realisation that I would never see her again.
You see, Bec had been dating Rob at the time that he attacked me. They had been together for a couple of years, and although he had often flirted with me, I had thought he was harmless. Turned out he was far from harmless. After J killed him, and he and Scott buried the body, Bec had been heartbroken at his disappearance. She wasn’t stupid though, and suspected the club had something to do with it because Rob and the club had always had problems. Threats had been made against him so she assumed that the club had finally made good on those threats. And when he had failed to ever show up again, and I hadn’t helped her find him, she turned against me saying that I had taken the club’s side. If only she knew the truth. But I couldn’t tell her the truth because it implicated J.
I stubbed out my smoke and got out of bed. There was no point trying to sleep when it just wasn’t going to happen. Wandering out to the kitchen I saw the light on and realised that J was up. He was sitting at the table and looked up when he heard me. We hadn’t spoken much after we had argued. I had hooked him up with a pillow and blanket, and then shut myself away in my bedroom. To be honest, I didn’t trust myself with him yet. I was confused about how I felt about him; I thought I hated him after the way he had treated me years ago and yet there was this almost relief at seeing him again. Why the fuck would I feel relief of all things?
“Scott called. Fucking prospects lost Nix. We’re on it, but haven’t found him yet,” J said as I walked past him to get a glass of water. His voice was husky from sleep and he was sitting there in just his jeans. No freaking shirt. J was easily the best looking man I had ever met and having those muscles shoved in my face at this time of the morning, when I had had little sleep, was making my brain fire haphazardly. It wasn’t safe to be this close to him when he was dressed only in jeans. And was that my tattoo still on his chest? Surely not; surely he would have had that removed. I wasn’t going to stare to confirm it though.
“You boys are resourceful so I’m sure you’ll find him soon,” I said, absentmindedly, because I was still trying not to focus on his chest and arms.
“Are you taking this seriously, Madison?” he asked, sharply.
His tone annoyed me and all thoughts of his body disappeared. “Of course I am,” I snapped.
“Well, you don’t fucking seem like it.” He was glaring at me now, waiting for my response.
I was still standing at the sink and decided it was probably best to avoid the rest of this conversation. After finishing my drink I placed my empty glass in the sink and turned to leave the kitchen. “I’m going back to bed. I need more sleep to be able to deal with this, J.”
His eyes penetrated mine as I walked past him and I wasn’t sure what I saw in them. It looked like lust but it was probably anger and frustration. Lack of sleep often led me to the wrong conclusions.
I made my way to my bedroom door and was just closing it when he pushed it open again. There was no light on here so I could only make him out roughly but the energy surrounding us was charged.
He stood in the doorway, and as I adjusted to the darkness I could tell he was running his eyes over my body. I had been right in the kitchen; he was radiating lust. And fuck, it got me wet. I wanted him in a way that I hadn’t wanted a man for years. Sure, I loved sex and craved it, but J brought out carnal desires in me that no one else seemed able to.
“J...what are you doing?” I breathed out.
He took a step towards me and reached out, brushing his thumb across my cheek. “I’d almost gotten to a place where I didn’t think about you every fucking day,” he murmured, surprising the fuck out of me.
His words snapped me out of my lust fuelled trance and I pushed his hand away from my face. “What the hell?” I said. Why was he saying that crap to me? He was the one who had said he didn’t love me anymore, the one who sent me away. Why would he still be thinking about me?
“You’ve no idea, baby. No idea...” he muttered and walked out of the room, leaving me confused and annoyed. J was a walking contradiction to me, and I sensed this was just the beginning of it. Events from the past were going to start catching up with me and I was powerless to stop it.
Chapter 6
Jason