Her eyes flash to mine. With the same knowing smirk Emma gives me, she stands and hands him off to the nurse.
“Okay, Dad.” The nurse steps back over. “His temperature is getting a little low, so how about we try some skin-to-skin?”
“What the fu—I mean, what’s that?”
“If you don’t mind, we’ll need you to take off your shirt—”
I immediately peel it over my head without another thought.
“Well, okay then,” she responds, laughing. “I’ll unwrap him and put him against your chest then cover you both in a blanket. It’s great bonding time for the little guy, and it also helps to keep his temperature up.”
Sarah moves to switch positions with me, and I know the exact moment she sees my back because she releases a loud gasp. Not many people expect me to have so many tattoos. I don’t show them off or advertise them. I got them for myself. No one would understand the real emotion and meaning behind them anyway—well, except for Sarah.
“No wonder Emma fell for you so quickly,” she says under her breath, but it makes me crack a much-needed smile.
Only minutes later, the nurse lays Collin on my chest. The feeling of fulfillment washes over me with a rush, immediately calming my nerves. This is my baby boy. God, I wish Emma were here.
“Hey.” I catch the nurse while she is covering us with blankets. “Is there any way for you to check on my wife? They told me she was fine, but I need an update.”
“Sure. Not a problem.” She once again smiles warmly at me. I seriously need to have Jesse make this woman a muffin basket.
“Can you ask them when I’ll be able to see her? Wait, can I take him with me to see her?” I ask, desperate to see her but unwilling to leave him.
“No, he has to stay here, unfortunately. She’ll be able to come down and see him soon enough. Just take lots of pictures of him with your phone in the meantime. She’ll want to see them as soon as she wakes up.” Yep, this woman is totally getting chocolate chip muffins from Jesse.
I lost my phone during the accident, but Sarah quickly pulls out hers and starts snapping pictures.
As if instinctually, Collin’s little head flops to the side. He looks up at me and opens his eyes. It completely steals my breath and sends my emotions spinning.
“Hey, buddy.” I gently kiss him on the head as my eyes begin to water.
I’ve been through a lot in my life, but I am not emotionally equipped for this moment. I wrap my arms tight around him, holding and protecting him as best I can. This is overwhelming, and the very idea that I get to spend a lifetime with this little boy and his mom has me turning my own head to hide the tears.
“Manda didn’t want kids,” I hear Sarah say from the corner.
“What?” I ask, completely dumbfounded.
“The reason she wouldn’t marry you is because she didn’t want kids. She knew you did, and she couldn’t live with the idea of you sacrificing that for her. She was terrified you would eventually resent her for it.”
“No, that’s not true. She and I talked about having kids a million times.”
“No, you talked about it a million times. Manda just never corrected you. She was planning to tell you the night of the accident.” Sarah closes her eyes when the memories become too much.
I lovingly kiss the baby and wait eagerly for her to continue.
“One of the last things I remember from that night is standing with her in the bathroom at Westies. She was panicking that you were going to leave her when she told you.” Sarah chews her bottom lip as the painful memories spread like wildfire through the room.
“Not possible.” I curl him even closer into my chest.
“She was a mess. She loved you so much, but she never wanted to be a mom. She was too scared to tell you but more afraid to lose you.”
“I wouldn’t have left,” I whisper to keep my voice from cracking while looking down at Collin asleep in my arms.
I’m not lying. I wouldn’t have left, but I also wouldn’t give up this moment of holding my child for anything. Despite my earlier fears and reservations, I’ve always wanted kids and a family. It happened sooner than I was prepared for with Emma, but sitting here now, I know I wouldn’t change it for the world. Sarah is the last person I want to have a chat with, but ironically enough, she is also the only person who will ever understand.
Stolen Course (Wrecked and Ruined #2)
Aly Martinez's books
- Among the Echoes
- The Fall Up
- Fighting Solitude (On The Ropes #3)
- Retrieval (The Retrieval Duet #1)
- Transfer (The Retrieval Duet #2)
- The Spiral Down (The Fall Up #2)
- Broken Course (Wrecked and Ruined #3)
- Changing Course (Wrecked and Ruined #1)
- Fighting Shadows (On the Ropes #2)
- Fighting Silence (On the Ropes #1)
- Savor Me