Stolen Course (Wrecked and Ruined #2)

I quickly run my fingers under my eyes to remove any stray tears that might have escaped. I’m heartbroken, but she doesn’t need to know that.

“Hey, sis,” I say, reaching over to squeeze her hand.

She doesn’t pull away, but she doesn’t reciprocate either. Avoiding me with her eyes, she looks up at Dr. Clark.

“Are okay with Emma being here, Sarah?” She doesn’t respond but offers him a quick nod. “Don’t be nervous. Emma loves you. She was so excited when I called. She insisted on dropping everything and coming straight here.” He smiles at both of us.

“That’s true. I was moving your stuff into our new apartment,” I say, and her eyes immediately flash to mine.

“New apartment?” she questions with wide eyes.

“Yep, two bedrooms with a balcony and everything. It’s really nice.”

“You really moved up here?” she asks with an unreadable expression.

“I told you I was. Besides, I kind of like it here.”

Sarah barks out a laugh. “Just wait until the winter. You’ll be hauling ass back to Savannah,” she says jokingly, and my eyes light up as I get the first true glimpse of my sister.

“It was snowing when I got here. It’s freaking March. What the hell is that all about?” I joke, trying to hold back my happy tears.

Sarah laughs, and it’s a beautiful sound. One that I’ve missed so much over the years. My hands are aching to hug her. I quickly drag the elastic band from my hair and redo my ponytail just to keep from reaching out to grab her.

“Okay. So, Emma, Sarah and I have been discussing quite a few things over the last few weeks. We were in agreement that it was time to bring you in and fill you in on where things are at in her treatment.”

“Oh, yeah. That sounds great,” I rush out, rubbing my hands back and forth over my jeans.

“As you know, Sarah is being treated medically for her brain injury suffered during the accident, and I am helping her emotionally move past it as well. Currently, we are focusing on her guilt over Manda’s death and her role in the accident. During one of our chats, we pinpointed why she has so desperately tried to separate herself from those who love her. Sarah, care to elaborate?”

My eyes move to focus on her, but her eyes frantically jump around the room, looking at anything but me.

“Hey.” I try to catch her attention. “You don’t have to be nervous. There is nothing you could say that would make me think less of you. I love you.” I try to encourage her, but she leans even farther away from me and begins knotting her fingers in her lap.

The doctor tries to prompt her. “Sarah?”

“I killed Manda,” she whispers. “I was driving that night, and I feel guilty that I lived and she didn’t.”

“You remember?” I ask, shocked.

“No.” She finally looks up at me. “I don’t remember. But based on the proof, I’ve accepted it. It doesn’t do me any good to play the what-if game. The only way I will ever truly move on is to own it and figure out how to get better.”

“That’s a really brave thing to say. I respect you for that,” I say, trying to let her know that I’m on her side.

She just laughs though. “I definitely don’t deserve respect.”

“Why do you say that, Sarah?” Dr. Clark cuts in.

“I just don’t.”

I look at him to see if he is going to push the subject, but he just nods and moves on.

“Why don’t you tell Emma what we talked about on Monday?” he says, causing Sarah to let out a groan.

“You have to know this therapy bullshit is driving me crazy.” She turns to look at me. “It’s like he has all the answers, but he still makes you guess before he gives them to you.”

I smile at her logic. I love these sarcastic flashes of my sister—my old sister.

She takes in a deep breath and very calmly, with no trace of sarcasm, bares her soul. “I have pushed everyone away for years because I don’t feel like I deserve anyone’s love after what I did. I still miss Manda every single day, and sometimes it’s crippling. It’s bad enough to know that I lost my best friend, but knowing that I had a role in her death slices me deep. I’ve wanted to escape that feeling for years, so I tried to kill myself. I just needed a way out of the pain.”

“Okay, I need to say something here. And I probably should just be listening but I need to say this for me.” I look at the doctor, but he doesn’t try to stop me. Turning back to Sarah, I rush out, “I’m sorry I left you to deal with all this on your own. I was terrified of losing you, and I know that is a shitty excuse, but I couldn’t stand by and watch you try to kill yourself. So I took the coward’s way out. I’m sorry. That’s what I feel guilty for.”

“I wouldn’t have let you help me even if you tried.” She finally reaches out to grab my hand.